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Skippy
Moderator
United Kingdom
16267 Posts |
 Posted - 27 February 2010 : 17:47:20
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I'm not trying to outdo your jokettes but I couldn't resist this one!
An Irish fella takes his mates back to his new flat. After a few beers one of the lads asks what's the big brass gong hanging on the wall.
Paddy says "It's my speaking clock!"
"How does it work?"
"I'll show you." Paddy hits it full pelt with a claw hammer.
A voice from next door yells 'For God's sake you fool, it's twenty to three in the morning!" |
Only when the last tree has died, the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught will we realise that we cannot eat money.
View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/
Last IPA payment made 28th June 2010 - it's finally over! |
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kallis3
Moderator
27 month\s down 33 month\s to go.
United Kingdom
35545 Posts |
Posted - 27 February 2010 : 18:04:54
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| I'm sure he won't mind Skip. |
Buckle your seat belt Dorothy, 'cos Kansas is going bye bye.
27 down, 33 to go.
Jan
xx
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fbdo
IVA Junior
78 Posts |
Posted - 27 February 2010 : 18:13:38
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LOVE IT!!!shall be sending it to all my family really has made me laugh out loud!!
(ps I'm irish) |
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Andy1964
IVA Journeyman
7 month\s down 53 month\s to go.
United Kingdom
536 Posts |
Posted - 27 February 2010 : 18:19:27
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How about this one.
An elderly gent is sitting at the side of the road crying,
'What's the matter' asks a concerned passer-by
'Last week I got married to the most wonderful young woman you could ever wish to meet, she cooks fantastic meals, she cleans immaculately, she takes care of my every need, she always obliges if I'm in the mood for sex no matter what time of day it is and I feel like the luckiest man in the world'
'Wow' says the passer-by 'she sounds like a real diamond, but why are you crying?
to which the old guy replies 'I can't remember where I live' |
If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
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Helen
Forum Expert
IVA completed.
United Kingdom
6018 Posts |
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Declan at DebtFreeDirect
Forum Expert
United Kingdom
762 Posts |
Posted - 10 March 2010 : 10:29:32
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| Love the Irish joke - im Irish and will also be sending this on to firends back home - classic!! |
Declan Murray
Debt Advisor
Debt Free Direct - the UK's largest IVA provider.
http://www.debtfreedirect.co.uk/iva/iva
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wickerwish
IVA Junior
195 Posts |
Posted - 11 March 2010 : 18:16:58
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Might as well have another one then;
Paddy struggling down road with a wardrobe and his mate says "why don,t you get mick to help you". Paddy replies "he is he,s inside carrying the clothes" |
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kallis3
Moderator
27 month\s down 33 month\s to go.
United Kingdom
35545 Posts |
Posted - 11 March 2010 : 18:18:02
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Buckle your seat belt Dorothy, 'cos Kansas is going bye bye.
27 down, 33 to go.
Jan
xx
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wickerwish
IVA Junior
195 Posts |
Posted - 11 March 2010 : 18:23:03
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| Paddys in the shower and he shouts to murphy "have you got any shampoo" murphy replies "yes its on side of bath" paddy saays "I cant use that it says its for dry hair and mines already wet" |
Edited by - wickerwish on 11 March 2010 18:39:35 |
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debtmountain
IVA Artisan
United Kingdom
2573 Posts |
Posted - 15 March 2010 : 15:28:39
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 ...To all of them, here's a couple more!
Paddy & Mick stagger out of the Zoo with blood pouring from their legs.."never again" says Paddy "that's the last time I go lion dancing"
While being interviewed for a job,the personnel manager said to the Maguire brothers "we're going to give you a written exam,10 questions! whoever gets the most correct we'll hire"..papers were produced and the guys set to work answering the general knowledge questions..when the time was up, the personnel manager collected and marked the papers..."well", he said,"you both got nine out of ten but I'm giving the job to Mick"..."why is that?" asked Pat..."well" said the manager.."you both got the same question wrong but Mick wrote " I don't know this" and you wrote "neither do I" |
IVA accepted 13/11/2008..17 payments down,55 to go.. |
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MRBLUESKY
IVA Artisan
United Kingdom
1513 Posts |
Posted - 16 March 2010 : 08:37:23
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 Here we go then for all you dog lovers.
The dog is truly man,s best friend.
Not convinced?
Put your dog and wife in the boot of your car for an hour.
When you open it,see who,s happy to see you. |
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PELDER
IVA Junior
24 month\s down 36 month\s to go.
United Kingdom
137 Posts |
Posted - 17 March 2010 : 20:03:30
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Nice one Ronald, and very true !!
A favourite joke of mine is the old 'Drive thru ATM machine' one, and a classic:
Procedure for Men
1)Drive up to the ATM (cash machine).
2)Wind down your car window.
3)Insert card into ATM and enter PIN.
4)Enter amount of cash required and take the notes.
5)Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6)Wind-up window.
7)Drive off.
Procedure for Women
1)Drive up to cash machine.
2)Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the ATM.
3)Set parking brake, put the window down. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat, finally locate the card.
4)Tell girl friend on mobile phone that you will call her back and hang up. Attempt to insert card into machine.
5)Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its distance from the car. 6)Insert debit card.
7)Re-insert card the right way.
8)Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the address page.
9)Enter PIN.
10)Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
11)Enter amount of cash required.
12)Take a quick peek at yourself in rear view mirror.
13)Retrieve notes and receipt
14)Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
15)Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
16)Re-check makeup.
17)Drive forward 2 feet.
18)Reverse back to cash machine.
19)Retrieve card.
20)Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
21)Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you
22)Restart stalled engine and pull off.
23)Redial person on cell phone.
24)Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
25)Release parking brake !!! |
Be nice to people on the way up - you're sure to meet them on the way down ! |
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MRBLUESKY
IVA Artisan
United Kingdom
1513 Posts |
Posted - 20 March 2010 : 20:16:02
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| nice to here from you pelder. |
Edited by - MRBLUESKY on 20 March 2010 20:16:33 |
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PELDER
IVA Junior
24 month\s down 36 month\s to go.
United Kingdom
137 Posts |
Posted - 21 March 2010 : 12:24:15
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Hello Again Ronald - I don't post very often and doubt if I will ever reach your tally of 1400 but this gag I heard the other day made me chuckle - " My wife, peering out from a huge pile of washing didn't see the funny side when I told her that 'Apple' had just launched their latest hi-tech product especially for women - the i ron goes on sale soon !!
I promise to post no more gags - honestly ! |
Be nice to people on the way up - you're sure to meet them on the way down ! |
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MRBLUESKY
IVA Artisan
United Kingdom
1513 Posts |
Posted - 23 March 2010 : 20:52:11
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hi pelder your dry sense of humor is a must.keep chipping in mate,a varied input from members keeps the forum strong.theres always someone out there that will need your support. |
Edited by - MRBLUESKY on 23 March 2010 20:53:03 |
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kallis3
Moderator
27 month\s down 33 month\s to go.
United Kingdom
35545 Posts |
Posted - 23 March 2010 : 20:56:49
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| The old ones are always the best Pelder! |
Buckle your seat belt Dorothy, 'cos Kansas is going bye bye.
27 down, 33 to go.
Jan
xx
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Skippy
Moderator
United Kingdom
16267 Posts |
Posted - 23 March 2010 : 20:58:06
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Pelder!
I have to admit I don't know where the iron is! |
Only when the last tree has died, the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught will we realise that we cannot eat money.
View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/
Last IPA payment made 28th June 2010 - it's finally over! |
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kallis3
Moderator
27 month\s down 33 month\s to go.
United Kingdom
35545 Posts |
Posted - 23 March 2010 : 21:13:54
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I actually managed to press hubby's trousers today - he normally moans that he ends up with tramlines down them!
He hasn't moaned yet! |
Buckle your seat belt Dorothy, 'cos Kansas is going bye bye.
27 down, 33 to go.
Jan
xx
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Skippy
Moderator
United Kingdom
16267 Posts |
Posted - 23 March 2010 : 21:15:48
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I think we might have an ironing board somewhere as well, but I've no idea where!
Everything gets dried on a hanger and I have been known to deal with stubborn creases with the hair dryer! |
Only when the last tree has died, the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught will we realise that we cannot eat money.
View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/
Last IPA payment made 28th June 2010 - it's finally over! |
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kallis3
Moderator
27 month\s down 33 month\s to go.
United Kingdom
35545 Posts |
Posted - 23 March 2010 : 21:19:35
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Must admit that I do iron most things!
Never used a hair dryer! |
Buckle your seat belt Dorothy, 'cos Kansas is going bye bye.
27 down, 33 to go.
Jan
xx
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Apologies to Ray!
