A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man with a beard almost down to the ground opens it. The old man squints his eyes and says "What you want (bad Chinese accent)?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or a good sleep since that time. I would be most appreciative if you could provide me with a meal and a bed to sleep in, within your home for tonight"
The old Chinese man thinks on the request for a while, then says "I let you stay one condition. You leave glandaughter alone (poor poor pidgin Chinese)!"
The man, both exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tommorrow morning"
The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but I catch you, then you suffer three worst known Chinese tortures."
"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the mansion. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful the grandaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many,many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three tortures would be worth it, after that experience."
Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "1st Chinese torture: 100 lb rock on your chest".
"What a lame torture" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. He then noticed that on the underside of the rock was another sign saying "2nd Chinese torture: Rock tied to right testicle".
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. It which point he notices that on the outside of the window is a third sign saying "3rd Chinese torture: Left testicle tied to bedpost".
Phew ... I'm kernackered now[:D][:D]
The best psychological health comes from admitting your faults and recognizing they're caused by someone else.
Wizzzard xxx
