Dealing with the shame

[Willow26]

So first of all I’m so glad that I found this forum! Reading some of your stories has been so helpful for me so I thought I’d do a little sharing myself..

I’m nearly a year into my IVA which I took out after racking up 8k in debt being young and dumb. So far I’m feeling like it was the best decision for me and I was drowning in ridiculous interest payments so finding my finances much more manageable now. The only thing I seem to be struggling with throughout this is the shame of it all. I feel really embarrassed to have taken out an IVA especially as I feel like I’m at a point in my life at 30 years old where I really want to be building a life and a planning for my future.

In all honesty this just feels like I dark cloud over my head with an end so far away. Anyone else have this feeling? If so how have you coped?

[Foggy]

I think we have all gone through this at some point. But the thing to bear in mind is that, whilst there are others who are sticking their heads in the sand, you are doing something positive to sort the situation out. In most cases, eventually, a solution or enforcement is forced upon us, unless we act pro-actively and sort ourselves out.

There are many, many reasons for getting into debt, most beyond our control or the result of a set of circumstances converging at the same time.

[luluj]

You have done the hardest thing- acknowledging your debt and seeking help. Your level of debt is very small compared to lots of others - ours back in 2007 when we needed help via snow iva topped £50k!

Look at it as a 5 year loan, not a debt. Each payment is a loan repayment .... you have already cleared 20% of your payments ...

Life after an iva is like starting all over - we moved from a mortgage house into rented during our iva, and were desperate to get back on the housing ladder. We used a whole of the market mortgage broker (Ryan who is now a forum expert on here) who helped us realise that dream when we had a deposit ready once again.
We are now 10 years into home ownership again, life has thrown a few curveballs including us building up debt again when husband unable to work, but again using Ryan we were able to re-mortgage to stretch our term and reduce our monthly payment.

An iva is life changing and should not be seen as an embarrassing situation - its a really positive step forward to debt freedom.

We are here for you and will offer support and advice when you need it.

[lauren923]

You are not alone , I am 25 years old and in my first year of my iva and most days I feel such shame about it , but then I remember why I got the iva ,

I was in a mentally Abusive relationship for 4 years and wracked up 18k debt to keep my partner happy ( he wasn’t a uk resident so found it hard to get credit ) and used me to finance his expensive lifestyle , I then found out after moving out of my family home into a flat with him that he was cheating on me with multiple women . Because of how much debt I had in my name I didn’t leave him as I new I couldn’t afford the rent and bills plus my debt on my own , until I found out about getting a iva , this has enabled me to Chuck him out of the flat , I am managing my living finances on my own and my debt to . I am so much happier living on my own and without the mental abuse from him , but I do have really low days where I feel shame about being so young in a iva and having to explain it to any future boyfriend . But you should be proud you are taking the responsibility in sorting your finances and debt it’s a long road but I know once the final month comes being debt free will be the best feeling ever , and if anything I have learned that I will never ever let anyone take advantage of me financially again , and I will never get into debt . Keep your chin up x

[Willow26]

Thank you all so much for you’re replies, they have actually really helped me. I’m in the process of moving into new rented accommodation at the moment and at first the anxiety of not knowing whether any landlords would expect me was driving me crazy but I bit the bullet and started the process. To my complete surprise every landlord I asked said they didn’t mind as long as I had a guarantor which has allowed me to find a beautiful new place now.

What was said about thinking of this as a 5 year loan has really struck a chord with me and makes it feel a little less daunting. I do worry about having to explain my IVA to future partners but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now I know it was absolutely the right decision for me, my financial situation is already so much better. Here’s to the next 4 years!

[luluj]

Willow26 glad my experiences and others have helped.
Process it in small chunks. See everything as a step closer to a new life.
You are young enough to turn this all around still and am sure you will ... this is just a little blip on the journey of life - we all have them, just some get them more than others.