IVA approved yesterday but feel full of shame

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Blade2004

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Post by Blade2004 » Sat May 22, 2021 10:30 am
My IVA was approved yesterday and Payplan used the word congratulations, I feel anything but congratulations. I feel shame, anger, frustration and feel as if I’ve ruined my life and my families.

Foggy

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Post by Foggy » Sat May 22, 2021 10:46 am
We would also say "Congratulations" ! There is no shame in recognising a problem and taking positive, responsible, steps towards solving it. That said, you will, as we all did, go through every emotion several times over the next few weeks.
An IVA isn't an "easy way out". It is hard work and often frustrating. But, you will be doing your best to pay back you can. Far from a "Get out of jail free card" ... it is 5 or 6 years of getting back on track and a second chance.
My opinions are merely that .. opinions based on experience. Always seek professional advice.
IVA Completed 23rd July 2013 .... C.C. 10th January 2014
http://foggy.blogs.iva.co.uk

Blade2004

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Post by Blade2004 » Sat May 22, 2021 11:10 am
For several months I’ve tried to cope with the debt and also dealing with a health issue which has made dealing with the debt a lot harder. After speaking to Payplan who were excellent and non judgemental I thought yesterday I would feel a sense of relief as I was now legally protected and could see a plan for getting debt free. However all I feel is shame and disappointment and that everyone I encounter knows my secret. I feel a bit like a criminal to be honest.

kallis3

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Post by kallis3 » Sat May 22, 2021 11:58 am
Nobody knows your secret and you are now on the way to being debt free. You are definitely not a criminal. We have been there and come out the other side. Look forward to getting your life back on track and the forum is here for you every step of the way if you want advice and reassurance.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley.
http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk

Blade2004

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Joined: Wed May 12, 2021 7:40 pm

Post by Blade2004 » Sat May 22, 2021 12:24 pm
At the moment I feel utterly ashamed and a complete failure as a mum and wife. Debt has ruined my life to the point I was having very dark suicidal thoughts. However I pulled myself together and thought no matter how bad things are you can sort this out. Might not be a quick fix but you can sort it. Even though I feel as if I’ve made a huge mess of everything I couldn’t leave my son without a mum and that’s what is keeping me going. I also work in a position of responsibility so the thought of anyone finding out at work has me worried sick.

Foggy

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Post by Foggy » Sat May 22, 2021 1:00 pm
Far from a failure, you are wresting back control ! We all have blips --- life's rich tapestry and all that, but we deal with them. Things will settle down :)
My opinions are merely that .. opinions based on experience. Always seek professional advice.
IVA Completed 23rd July 2013 .... C.C. 10th January 2014
http://foggy.blogs.iva.co.uk

kallis3

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Post by kallis3 » Sat May 22, 2021 1:44 pm
Work are unlikely to find out and, you don't know how many others are in the same, or worse position debt wise. Keep focused on your family and the fact that you are on the road to being debt free.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley.
http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk

Blade2004

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Joined: Wed May 12, 2021 7:40 pm

Post by Blade2004 » Sun May 23, 2021 7:26 am
Could someone remove my original post please as I have a lot of spam replies

kallis3

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Post by kallis3 » Sun May 23, 2021 7:30 am
I've removed all the spam and have banned the poster. Hopefully you won't get anymore.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley.
http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk

Cupcake08

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Post by Cupcake08 » Sun May 23, 2021 2:40 pm
I can honestly empathise with how you feel. Felt exactly the same 6 years ago with lots of challenging emotions including deep shame and embarrassment. I would echo the other remarks from Froggy and Kallis and take heart that you are not the first nor the last who will encounter financial problems. You have taken a massive step with the IVA towards regularising your situation. Be kind to yourself, adjust and settle into the arrangement. You have the support of the forum and all the other folks who are on this journey. Been there, keep your chin up.

luluj

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Post by luluj » Mon May 24, 2021 3:31 am
Be proud, not ashamed ... you've reached out for help and are now on the journey to ensure you regain control. Absolutely nothing to be ashamed about.
Use us on here as your sounding board ...there is normally one or two of us about night and day ...no question is a silly question x
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt

There is a solution for everyone .... Just need to stay positive !

Look at my blog "All I wanted was a baby"
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