Nerves

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Shakey79

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Post by Shakey79 » Sun Apr 10, 2022 1:34 pm
Hi all! Currently living on my nerves.
Following ex losing his job, then refusing child maintenance because after 7 years he went for 50/50 and kids wanted it too so now has no obligation to keep helping.
I took my house on under a court agreed document of money until 18, but since been told this was only valid a year. Unknowingly I then took on debt.
Have had to take IVA due to this.
I’ve considered selling my house to pay my debt and start over but at 42 am worried about getting on property ladder again!
I feel so small and stupid. Why did I trust him and live beyond my means. I paid for Spinal surgery as NHS was 18 months waiting, Botox for migraines (gone with HRT)
Took the kids to Singapore because I genuinely had a plan to pay it off.
I’ve got PTSD from him and selling the house feels like an enormous mountain to climb. Though I’m having treatment and being assessed by mental health team as I’m struggling with anxiety and depression.
The shame I feel is unbearable.
They also want £8000 in fees to pay off the IVA early.
If I wait a few years though I’d have more equity in the house.
Genuinely not sure what to do and how to forgive myself and move on.
Also worried no one would want a relationship with me as had an ex who was awful to me about it (mainly annoyed I earn more than him).
Also their review at first year was just an email detailing what’s been paid to date, no check on my spending is that normal?
I took it whilst feeling very low and not sure it was the right option.
All and any advice gratefully received

kallis3

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Post by kallis3 » Sun Apr 10, 2022 1:52 pm
Sorry if I am missing something here - who have you done an IVA with?
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley.
http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk

Foggy

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Post by Foggy » Sun Apr 10, 2022 3:02 pm
They should not add fees if you manage to pay off the IVA early, nor should you be or feel forced to sell the house at any time. Towards the end of the IVA you will be expected to attempt to release some equity and, if this isn't possible, the IVA will be extended for a year.

Do not feel small or stupid ( I know -- easier said than done). Things happen and we don't plan to have disasters in our lives, but they happen anyway. You are trying to put things right with the IVA and doing your best, which is all that can be expected of you.

At the moment it is not the time to be making the big decisions. I would suggest letting the IVA run for a while and settle into it --- the IVA lifestyle is as much rehab as it is paying debts back. If you work with it, rather than against it, it can give you a bit of respite ---- no bed of roses, but not hell on earth either.

Don't sweat the relationship side of things yet -- give it time for everything else to settle .... one thing at a time and all that.
My opinions are merely that .. opinions based on experience. Always seek professional advice.
IVA Completed 23rd July 2013 .... C.C. 10th January 2014
http://foggy.blogs.iva.co.uk

Shakey79

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Post by Shakey79 » Sun Apr 10, 2022 8:51 pm
Sun Apr 10, 2022 1:52 pmkallis3 wrote:
Sorry if I am missing something here - who have you done an IVA with?
Step Change/ Carrington Dean who then transferred my over to Ebengate for some reason?

Shakey79

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Post by Shakey79 » Sun Apr 10, 2022 8:56 pm
Sun Apr 10, 2022 3:02 pmFoggy wrote:
They should not add fees if you manage to pay off the IVA early, nor should you be or feel forced to sell the house at any time. Towards the end of the IVA you will be expected to attempt to release some equity and, if this isn't possible, the IVA will be extended for a year.

Do not feel small or stupid ( I know -- easier said than done). Things happen and we don't plan to have disasters in our lives, but they happen anyway. You are trying to put things right with the IVA and doing your best, which is all that can be expected of you.

At the moment it is not the time to be making the big decisions. I would suggest letting the IVA run for a while and settle into it --- the IVA lifestyle is as much rehab as it is paying debts back. If you work with it, rather than against it, it can give you a bit of respite ---- no bed of roses, but not hell on earth either.

Don't sweat the relationship side of things yet -- give it time for everything else to settle .... one thing at a time and all that.
Thank you so so much. I hadn’t realised how much I was using spending to cheer myself up too! It’s quite a shock stopping myself cold turkey but also a huge incentive to get my issues sorted, I’m aspergers and possibly have ADHD too. So I’m left with these issues and nothing to hide behind.
I need to relax and accept more. Bless you xx

Foggy

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Post by Foggy » Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:20 am
My son is an Aspie too (as, I suspect, I am).

Working with Ebenegate can be frustrating, to say the least, but it can be done. That would explain the perfunctory 'review'. They tend to barely look at the actual figures and just apply a small increase to payments each year. Your named IP is still where the buck stops, Ebenegate themselves are merely a pumped up call centre who do the admin .
My opinions are merely that .. opinions based on experience. Always seek professional advice.
IVA Completed 23rd July 2013 .... C.C. 10th January 2014
http://foggy.blogs.iva.co.uk

Shakey79

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Post by Shakey79 » Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:31 am
Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:20 amFoggy wrote:
My son is an Aspie too (as, I suspect, I am).

Working with Ebenegate can be frustrating, to say the least, but it can be done. That would explain the perfunctory 'review'. They tend to barely look at the actual figures and just apply a small increase to payments each year. Your named IP is still where the buck stops, Ebenegate themselves are merely a pumped up call centre who do the admin .
Thank you. So I can relax on the checks but need to keep an eye on the amount?
Can they just add £8000 for early payment? Seems no incentive to pay it off there!
Hope you are both navigating the world well.
Thank you for the information it’s calmed me loads!

Foggy

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Post by Foggy » Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:49 am
Mon Apr 11, 2022 8:31 amShakey79 wrote:
Thank you. So I can relax on the checks but need to keep an eye on the amount?
Can they just add £8000 for early payment? Seems no incentive to pay it off there!
Hope you are both navigating the world well.
Thank you for the information it’s calmed me loads!
There are two ways to finish early and successfully:

Settlement --- for this you need to pay them the full outstanding debt, fees and possible statutory interest. Not many do this, but Ebenegate would prefer this way, as they get more in the way of fees. Or ...

A Full and Final Offer --- This is based on payments remaining (plus 12 if you are a homeowner, as in your case). So, the current monthly amount multiplied by the remaining number of payments.

They cannot arbitrarily add a fee for early payment and the way they calculate fees is laid down in your agreement (unless they have slipped in some crafty clause, outside of the usual ones).
My opinions are merely that .. opinions based on experience. Always seek professional advice.
IVA Completed 23rd July 2013 .... C.C. 10th January 2014
http://foggy.blogs.iva.co.uk

Divisionofnewjoy

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Post by Divisionofnewjoy » Thu Apr 14, 2022 9:56 am
Hi Shakey

So sorry to hear about these issues. When I had an issue with Carrington Dean I contacted their compliance manager : graeme.macleod@carringtondean.com

He was kind enough to resolve the issue for me without any hassle. It might be worth dropping him an email.

luluj

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Post by luluj » Fri Apr 15, 2022 2:04 am
Shakey - you are not alone and please don't think yourself as stupid. You've been through alot and have seemed help whilst many others would have just continued to bury their heads in the sand.

Feel free to take the advice given from Foggy and work with your IP to find the right solution for you.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt

There is a solution for everyone .... Just need to stay positive !

Look at my blog "All I wanted was a baby"
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