I hope things are easier for you now in 2019. I entered into an IVA last year in May as I was feeling everything you were feeling. I was also 47 and in a good job but a divorce 4 years earlier, 40% of my salary going on maintenance and 4 children saw the credit cards rack up, although I never defaulted I simply collapsed one day and thought I can’t do it anymore. I have an IVA with Begbies Traynor and they were brilliant. They are still always at the end of the phone if I need them. Life is so different now, it is strange to not use credit- especially at Christmas but to know that everything is paid for each month helps you sleep much easier every day. I know the next 5 years will be difficult sometimes but they would have been far worse if I’d not done it. You’re not a failure and you’re not alone, speaking up about it is the first step to sorting it.