Having a wobble ... can you help?

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alittlebitlost
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by alittlebitlost » Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:29 pm
Hi! It's been a while since I posted on here, I feel bad as I wanted to be a little more pro-active in helping others since my IVA was accepted.

This is a bit of a long one, a few things playing on my mind, so sorry if I ramble a bit:-

I've had a really tough time at work recently, stressful and extremely long days which play on my mind. My salary was cut (by £3000), fairly soon after I was accepted for the IVA and I did explain this to my IP, however I stated I wanted to continue at the current rate because I wanted to show to my creditors I was serious about paying what was rightfully due to them and at a decent return for them too.

Unfortunately I slipped into a gambling habit again, recently, that I thought I had thwarted - I am currently in an IVA too. I know it's through the stress of things at work and personal circumstances too.

I am currently working to change my job, actively seeking other employment (which may bump my salary up a bit).

My parents, whom I pay rent to, have been extremely good in cutting right back (almost to zero, especially over Christmas) the amount of rent I have to pay to see me through all of this and it's obviously misled me into thinking I have extra money.

I worry that when it comes to my review my IP might say I've been reckless - that was never my intention and I wouldn't wilfully do that.

My job requires me to have access to the internet (for our computer systems, should there be a 'blip' out of hours I can remotely access them). As I am the only person who has this remote access, I have a number of mobile contracts with mobile broadband, so if one network has a poor signal another might help. All of these were taken out BEFORE I entered the IVA and my arrangement was accepted, so I haven't taken anything else out with a credit check required. My mobile equipment (phone/laptop) has been upgraded recently and in fact I'm just going through one at present. Is that in order with my IVA?

I know I will put myself back on track, with a Mum who's one of the most supportive people I could have but I just don't want to be a failure. Taking this out, slipping into old ways and appearing to have no willpower.

Can anyone guide me on this please. Sorry it's such a long post.

Baz :(

 

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Shining
Posts: 27023
by Shining » Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:37 pm
Hi Baz, we're here to support and offer advice as you need.

I think as you know gambling isn't the answer but do understand an addiction, maybe get some help for this?

I'm assuming the contracts for the phones/laptop were taken out pre-IVA and discussed with your IP. So long as you're 100% honest with your IP things will go ok at the review.

Your Mum sounds lovely and hopefully she'll guide you back on track, one blip it is but it can be rectified I'm sure.

 

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alittlebitlost
Posts: 18
by alittlebitlost » Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:56 pm
Hi Lesley, thanks for taking the time to read and reply.

All of the contracts were taken before the IVA came into effect. My IP told me that provided the mobiles wouldn't affect my ability to make my monthly payment there shouldn't be a problem.

I am in a situation where I may need to add a phone to one of my current contracts - this does not (so I'm told) involve any further credit checks as the company (Orange) simply look at my account and confirm that I haven't missed any previous payments. I don't know what the position is with that, can you advise?

My Mum is just brilliant and words can't describe how much of a rock she is to me.

I may well seek help with my gambling problem, my Mum wants to work with me to try and nip it in the bud - as far as me giving my monthly 'spare' cash to her and we work together through the month.

 

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Shining
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by Shining » Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:01 pm
No worries, I was a little worried you would think I was being critical when I re-read my post in respect of your gambling but I was not in any way, only trying to be supportive.

Have a word with your IP about the extra phone to clarify for sure so long as your Income and Expenditure is 100% accurate then I can't foresee a problem but I'm not a professional by any means and feel you should talk to your IP.

Your Mum really does sound lovely and it's so nice that you recognise this, working with her will benefit you in the long run I'm sure of that. All the best and remember we're always here to offer any support/advice you need, always non-judgemental to all situations. x

 

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alittlebitlost
Posts: 18
by alittlebitlost » Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:10 pm
I would never see it as a criticism, only helpful and constructive advice. Sometimes it needs someone 'outside the circle' to help you appreciate a situation.

As I have said in the past, this forum is a brilliant source of help and guidence and an amazingly supportive community.

Don't stop doing what you and EVERYONE else does so superbly on here ... just being there!

I will talk to my IP about the phone.

I'm so grateful for your advice.

Baz :)
Last edited by alittlebitlost on Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

 

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MelanieGiles
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by MelanieGiles » Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:23 pm
It is great that you have such a supportive Mum behind you - now make her proud and kick that gambling habit before it gets out of control again and puts your IVA into jeopardy.

 

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alittlebitlost
Posts: 18
by alittlebitlost » Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:45 pm
Hi Melanie!

Don't think you could have put it better, I really appreciate your comments.

I never wanted to let this get a hold of me again, I'm just so glad that my Mum asked me how I was doing with my gambling and pressed me (in a genuinely caring way) on whether I really had been spending unwisely or not - parents can always see through a shadow of doubt. I couldn't lie about it to her (considering she's sacrificed rent money from me to see me manage ok).

Baz.

 

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PELDER
Posts: 218
by PELDER » Mon Jan 25, 2010 1:31 am
Hello Baz - Sorry to see that you have slipped back into the gambling habit. I was in a similar boat to you so I decided to grab it by the scruff of the neck after I first contacted my IP and e-mailed each and every one of my 20 (yes - twenty!) different accounts with online bookmakers requesting that they close my accounts permanently. Most of them were quick to do this and locked me out for life - others asked why and requested my security details before closing them. I registered with 'Gamcare' which is a very helpful website but I didn't stay too long as it did tend to make me dwell on the wastage of the previous 2 years. I still have an avid interest in Horseracing though (what did you gamble on Baz?), as racing historian John Randall once said " You don't have to bet on horses to love horseracing" he then went on to win £500 thousand on 'Who wants to be a millionaire' - which was quite ironic. I still buy my weekly lottery ticket though, and I do confess to a very small bet in my local billyhills when the Cheltenham Festival comes around every March, along with Royal Ascot in June but that's about it as being in an IVA there is little spare money available anyway but I still look forward to these events and I have peace of mind knowing that the frenetic days of gambling thousands of pounds per day are behind me - I hope you tackle your situation well Baz - Best Wishes.

 

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Tina Shortland
Posts: 2950
by Tina Shortland » Mon Jan 25, 2010 1:14 pm
Hi Baz,
Well done for coming back on the forum to get some support - I know what you mean about wanting to be more proactive on here - I still haven't got into the habit of logging on regularly (sorry Mel!). Its good you recognise there's a reason you've slipped again - now you need to get that resolved so you don't feel the need to make yourself feel better with gambling. Many GPs offer free counselling sessions and many counselling agencies offer reduced rates depending on what you can afford. If you have online access have you put Gamblock on your computer to prevent temptation on-line? Make sure you haven't over-committed yourself financially which is causing the cycle to come up again, discuss with your IP if there are concerns - glad to hear you have a supportive family to help in the background. We all slip with things from time to time Baz, don't beat yourself up. Give yourself a break, get back on track, because you can, and keep moving forward. Best wishes with it all.

 

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alittlebitlost
Posts: 18
by alittlebitlost » Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:32 am
Hi!

To both Pedler & Tina S, thanks for your brilliant replies. I'm REALLY sorry I haven't been back on for nearly a month to respond and excuse my apparent rudeness.

Your comments are much appreciated and taken to heart. My problem has been slot machines, I'm not tempted by any of the online stuff - I tried that some considerable time ago and didn't get anything out of it. My main problem has been these £500 machines found in bookmakers, you know - just the quick temptation to give it a try.

I'm working hard to resolve my work situation, I know that to be the root cause of my wanting to slip back to old habits. I will do it and beat this, there's no way I want to go back on what I PROMISED my creditors, in setting up the IVA, I would do to pay them back.

I just have to beat the 'low' moments and not use them as a crutch. I've only had ONE incident in the last month (since I started this post) where I slipped - in the last two days to be honest, I know I can take that to zero now because I can't stand the feelings of regret, guilt and the thought of letting others down considering what they're doing to help me.

Baz.

 

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MelanieGiles
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by MelanieGiles » Wed Feb 24, 2010 1:46 am
Well done and keep up the good work. We are all here for you whenever you have a low moment Baz, so do log on every now and then to let us know how you are getting on.

 

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Shining
Posts: 27023
by Shining » Wed Feb 24, 2010 7:45 am
All the best Baz x

 

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PELDER
Posts: 218
by PELDER » Sun Feb 28, 2010 8:00 pm
Hello Baz - Good to see you post again, and I can sympathise with your dilemma over slot machines - these have been increasing in numbers in bookmakers shops over the last few years because they generate huge profits for the bookies, and they can be cursedly addictive, yet most betting shop punters who bet on sporting events loathe these machines and not just because they are fixed, but because they are anti-social too and I have regularly seen Men and Woman empty the contents of their wallets and purse into these machines then go over the road to the cashpoint for more money to refill these machines again - and they give you little chance of winning! I too, poured thousands of pounds into online slot machines (but rarely the ones in Bookmakers shops I have to say), and once you get into a rhythm it's hard to stop until your cash runs out or your friendly online dealer comes up with a message box saying 'card declined'. Like anybody who has a habit whether it is smoking, drinking or gambling you cannot kick it into touch overnight and lapses are inevitable and I lapsed a couple of times myself in the early days of my IVA, but I am in full and positive control now and I'm quite sure you have the willpower to quit the slots Baz - just think to yourself before you feed another machine, "I cannot win".
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