When to tell new girlfriend about IVA?

Get expert opinion. This is the place for new questions to be posted.
16 posts Page 1 of 2
 
 

Lincoln_Guy

User avatar
Posts: 43
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2009 8:06 am
Location: United Kingdom

Post by Lincoln_Guy » Tue May 18, 2010 10:23 am
Hi Guys,

Would be interested to hear peoples opinions on this subject - I'm sure a few of you must have been in the same position.

I entered an IVA in December, and at the time I was single. I have recently started seeing a new girlfriend, and though it's still early days, I have a good feeling about the relationship, and feel that it's likely things will become more serious in time. I haven't mentioned anything about my financial situation, other than telling her money is pretty tight, and that I'm not in a position to have lots of expensive nights out etc.

When do people think would be the "right" time to explain about my situation?, - I don't want to tell her straight away, because I don't want to scare her away before she's had a chance to get to know me, but, on the other hand, - I don't want to feel that I'm misleading her about my situation. Any thoughts?
I owe, I owe, - so off to work I go...
 
 

Shining

User avatar
Posts: 27019
Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:57 am
Location:

Post by Shining » Tue May 18, 2010 12:40 pm
Hi, I think you've been honest with her to date telling her money is tight, when you tell her I think only you can decide when the time is right. If you plan to live together (in the future) IVA could be affected so she will have to know but if it's a long courtship, maybe she doesn't need to know? I hope you continue to be happy and long may it last x
IVA final payment left the bank on the 26th January 2013...looking forward to a debt free future.
 
 

missy80

User avatar
Posts: 184
Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:22 am
Location:

Post by missy80 » Tue May 18, 2010 12:59 pm
I've always wondered about this too! Good luck whatever you decide
 
 

Michael Peoples

User avatar
Industry Expert
Posts: 15189
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2008 12:36 pm
Location:

Post by Michael Peoples » Tue May 18, 2010 1:17 pm
I personally think the sooner the better. Your girlfriend may already be picking vibes that you have something to hide and this could make her think all sorts of things.

I had a client who I advised to tell his wife as he had hidden the debt for a long time. When he finally told her she said 'Thank God for that. I knew something was wrong but I thought you were having an affair'. You have resolved your debt problems so explain to her and possibly show her this forum. Best of luck.
Michael Peoples | McCambridge Duffy Insolvency Practitioners
http://www.mccambridgeduffy.com
If you would like to talk to me about proposing an IVA or have any questions at all please visit www.mccambridgeduffy.com
 
 

wannabedj

User avatar
Posts: 327
Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2010 11:37 am
Location: United Kingdom

Post by wannabedj » Tue May 18, 2010 1:34 pm
Mine didn't go down to well when I told the mrs. But after I explained it in more deatil she came round. She's even followed suit (well sort of) by entering DMP to sort her debts out.
If Football was meant to have been played in the air then God would have put Grass in the Sky
 
 

Struzzo39

User avatar
Posts: 1820
Joined: Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:56 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Post by Struzzo39 » Tue May 18, 2010 1:41 pm
Honesty is the best policy and if she doesn't accept it was she really the right partner for you??? Good luck in what you decide
Steven & Debbie
 
 

Its_a_long_road

User avatar
Posts: 38
Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 10:02 am
Location: United Kingdom

Post by Its_a_long_road » Tue May 18, 2010 2:47 pm
Ditto Michael, I kept it from my wife for over 4 years and when I eventually did tell her, her exact words were 'thank god!' She assumed I was stressed and very quiet in the few weeks building up to it because I was having an affair. Honesty is the best policy!
The journey has started......
 
 

MONEY

User avatar
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 2:30 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Post by MONEY » Tue May 18, 2010 3:32 pm
I totally agree its a tough one to put across to a new girlfriend but be honest. I did with a girlfriend i met about 6 months after entering an IVA and we actually got engaged this year so all worked out. we now live together (renting) and pay half the bills each and i deal with my iva which is rightly so! we hope to get a mortgage after my iva has finished which is jan 2013.....this will be the only loan i ever get in my whole entire life again!
 
 

Lusso1979

User avatar
Posts: 80
Joined: Sat Nov 14, 2009 11:34 pm
Location:

Post by Lusso1979 » Tue May 18, 2010 9:56 pm
Hi Lincoln_Guy

My IVA was accepted in December and I was just in the early stages of a relationship - we started dating in the August - I told him pretty quickly, in the October as I was in the same position you are in now - I believed that the relationship could be a "goer" but I didn't want either of us to get hurt if he didn't like the idea of me being in debt and we were further down the line and feelings were stronger! I explained that my IVA would never, ever affect him and that I was embarrassed by the situation I was in but I was doing my level best to get it sorted!
In my instance, it helped as when I get stressed about stuff he knows it's not him - we are great - and he just "weathers the storm" and in a weird way I know how much he loves me now to put up with all this when it was debt amounted before I met him!!
As it turns out, he has even offered to jump in and help with a F&F offer should my mum's be turned down - obviously I have turned him down - but he has told me that he wants a "real" life with me and not one that is on "hold" for 4.5 years!
I appreciate that not everyones outcome would be the same but I just wanted to talk from experience and show that "honesty pays" in some instances
Good luck - I hope this works out for you!

Lusso x
 
 

johnB

User avatar
Posts: 150
Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2010 3:25 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Post by johnB » Wed May 19, 2010 7:10 am
Hi,

I told my partner early on so I had "no secrets" (I was only a 2 months into my IVA at the time) and I am still with them now IVA is completed. You shouldn't feel ashamed of being in one and if you explain that lots of people are in them due to one reason or another, then I am sure she will be fine.

Honest best policy, especially if you think it may go serious (just think of if she wanted a mortgage, joint credit card etc....) so she can understand you may not be able to do those things for the time being.

Good luck
 
 

Lincoln_Guy

User avatar
Posts: 43
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2009 8:06 am
Location: United Kingdom

Post by Lincoln_Guy » Wed May 19, 2010 9:38 am
Thank you all for the words of wisdom, - I think I'll tell the girlfriend sooner rather than later - as soon as a good opportunity presents itself!
I owe, I owe, - so off to work I go...
 
 

Lincoln_Guy

User avatar
Posts: 43
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2009 8:06 am
Location: United Kingdom

Post by Lincoln_Guy » Tue Jun 22, 2010 9:08 am
Just thought I'd update this to let people know how things worked out for me. Following the advice I received in this thread, last week I told my girlfriend about my financial situation, - I haven't actually used the word IVA, but explained that I had experienced problems with debt and come to a formal arrangement with my creditors to repay my debts over 5 years. Girlfriend was very understanding, and told me that she is experiencing some debt difficulties herself, and that she thinks it will help her to control her spending whilst she is in a relationship with someone as, erm, "frugal" as myself..
So, the end result is that she's now aware of my situation, isn't bothered in the least, and I can stop worrying about having to tell her :-) Thanks again for the advice!
I owe, I owe, - so off to work I go...
 
 

rayb

User avatar
Posts: 1288
Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2007 11:15 am
Location: United Kingdom

Post by rayb » Tue Jun 22, 2010 9:15 am
Hi,

Glad it worked out for you, I always think it is best to be honest and upfront.
 
 

wannabedj

User avatar
Posts: 327
Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2010 11:37 am
Location: United Kingdom

Post by wannabedj » Tue Jun 22, 2010 9:43 am
Well done. Feels a lot better when you have someone to talk about your problems with rather than deal with it on your own!
Like I said in my earlier post, my mrs wasn't best pleased with my situation but she came round and even sorted her debt problem out also!
If Football was meant to have been played in the air then God would have put Grass in the Sky
 
 

kallis3

User avatar
Forum Expert
Posts: 77171
Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:02 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Post by kallis3 » Tue Jun 22, 2010 10:29 am
Excellent news Lincoln Guy, glad she is understanding and it least it means you can stop worrying and concentrate on the relationship.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley.
http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
16 posts Page 1 of 2
Return to “Ask IVA Forum and Industry experts”