www.iva.co.uk

My partner and I have been on a DMP since December and are now going down the IVA route. The problems is that I cannot get my other half used to living on a budget. It has caused many arguments this weekend because he is still trying to live like he always has done. Whilst I am doing my best to find ways of saving money, he just helps himself to money out of the bank. This is why we are in this mess in the first place. I have spoken to him and he has agreed and understands and says he is committed to the IVA but then just helps himself to how ever much he thinks he needs! Sorry for moaning on but I am at my wits end as if the IVA is accpeted, its doomed to fail if he doesn't commit to it. Anyone got any tips? I regret I may have to cancel his bank card!!!

you have to tell him how it is.. just say if he carries on the IVA will fail and you may stand to lose everything..

for the first time in our 7 year marriage i am in charge of the money as hubby was useless.. hence half of our problem!! we are just going down the route now and waiting for our creditors meeting. I am adamant we will succeed (allbeit the creditors voting Yes!!)

Good luck

cancel bank cards.Get him a seperate account with no overdarft.Get yourself one too.Get another for all your direct debits etc.Jooint saving ccount where you both have to sign.It's frustrating isn't it? If he behaves like an irresponsoble adult, then treat him like one? He'll learn evntually.Cat

Can you try separate bank accounts ? That way he has to be responsible for his own money.

Try a Co-Op cashminder account for him - all he will get is an Electron card. If you enter into an IVA, you may well have to do this anyway.

Get a direct debit for the money to cover bills etc and the rest is his.

Alternatively, if the debts are in his name and yours separately, you could perhaps try separate IVA's so at least yours will be ok.

He really needs to understand the repercussions of his actions if he does this in an IVA.

Do you own your own home ?

It may be worth looking up bankruptcy and showing him what happens when an IVA fails and this then becomes your only option.

it is really hard adjusting to a budget.. we are trying now, but our meeting isn't finalised yet so I am trying on a ball park figure of what to expect.. hoping I am doing it ok!!

Thanks everyone for your reponses. I will set up separate accounts and leave the joint one for DD's bills etc. He can have his spends what are included in the budget (£30) and once its gone its hard luck! I am going to have to toughen up I think! He says he understands and then does the opposite! We do jointly own our home with very little equity, he knows the IVA is a fab proposal and its likely to be accepted and he is looking forward to becoming debt free and less stressed about money. ... but...I need to get him used to living within our means! Agan, thanks for your help - I am going to ring the bank!!!!

this approach seemed to be working for me.I had to ask if he was stupid eventaully and which bit didn't he understand.Was he trying to give me all this stress on top of all the other things.Anyway so far so good.Dreadful position to be in.Mine was only £10 here and there but when you're on a budget that money could be absolutley essential.Mine would look at the acccount details, see say £400 and think we had the money.He would n't consider that £400 was for DD's and shopping etc.It was a nightmare and a massive stress that I could do without

I have the reverse problem...

The IVA is mine & I dont live with my girlf but she is aware I'm in the IVA but when it comes to dates or birthdays etc, trying to explain that she can't have the posh restaurant or £100 ring/watch doesn't seem to sink in... every time!!!! Its dead frustrating and makes me feel cheap!

Take the tough route Attagirl its the only way to make it clear how tight money will be. I'm at the 3 year point now and you do get used to it, it just takes time.

Since iv been in my Iva I have a bank account just in my name my hubbie gives me the same ammount of money every week and I give him wotevers left, works great for us as its much easier to budget when only one persons deals with it.

Thanks for all your support and ideas. I have shown him your posts. He has had a complete turn around and said he is totally committed and he will support me in whatever we decide to do. Result!! Thanks again guys!

Just wanted to add that it took us about 14 months into our IVA to finally get our head around sticking to a budget as the two of us were trying to deal with the budget.

Now I control the budgets and we have several different accounts for different parts of the budget (ie a Halifax Easycash account for Housekeeping/Food, TSB for bills, Abbey for Car, Co-op for Misc/dentist/Birthdays etc) and Hubby has a separate account with TSB that he uses for his work (also the main problem we could never stick to the budget). That has been working well for over 6 months and Hubby has learnt the art of sticking to the budget ort asking me which account he can use if he needs to you.

Its good that he is on side and I'm sure you will have something that works for you to keep you within your budgets and allow you some rainy day savings!