www.iva.co.uk

HI, sorry me again. I want to tell my mum about my debt problems but could do with some advice on how the hell I do this. She is 71, and not in the best of health at present and is worried about some new symptoms that she has just developed. I am not sure why I want to tell her, I just feel like I am trying to put on a brave face in front of her. But I don't want her to worry or carry this burden around with her too, and feel selfish for telling her. I know it will make her really ill. I really don't know which way to turn or what to do for the best. Any advice would be really appreciated.

Hi Denise, why not tell her that you've got yourself into some financial difficulty but are in the process of dealing with it and explain how you're dealing with it positively rather than how the debt happened. She may ask the latter and then you can explain but focus on the positive of you've recognised there's a problem and you're dealing with it by... All the best Denise, I know if it were my children I'd understand especially after having been there but still shocked initially.

Hi Denise,

If I chose to tell my mum, I would explain that you have been having some difficulties in managing your finances and have overstretched yourself - especially with the costs of utilities and insurances creeping up too. But you can then tell her that you are getting them sorted out with support and through an arrangement to pay it back.

You have made an adult decision and are dealing with it in t he most responsible way that you can.

We told both sets of parents. My mum has never owed a penny in her life apart from a mortgage or hP agreement for a car. I was scared stiff of what she would say but the day things came to a head and i simply had no more pots to rob from we sat down at her house and poured our hearts out. We explained that we had significant debts however we had.already contacted a insolvency firm to help us. She asked lots of questions, she frowned and swore at us but gave us both a cuddle and offered us her support. She was very disappointed and we did loose her trust for some time..however she supported us and stood by us through the difficult time.
Even now almost three years after final payment...I have to give her the reassurance each month or so that we are ok...trust has come back..she still doesn't talk.about it to anyone outside the family but you know she.is.proud of us the way we handled things.

It will be a shock to her and she will have lots of questions...but I promise you get over this and she will be there to support you through it x

deep breaths. I have just told her. I haven't told her the full amount, just that I have run into difficulties and I am sorting it. I am so relieved. I feel like a huge cloud has been lifted. It broke my heart to have to tell her but its also probably the best thing I have done so far. I suspect she will have lots more questions but at least I can talk to her about it al now xx

Well done Denise, I agree it probably is best shared and your relief will help you see things clearer too. All the best.

Great to read a positive outcome Denise, one step at a time[;)]
Glad you`ve shared it - and feeling better for telling her.

Thank you, she is surprisingly calm about it all, although I didn't tell her the amount I owe she knows it is a lot. Also surprisingly, she would prefer I pursue the IVA route rather than secured loan route. Her main priority is just for the house to be safe. That completely threw me as I thought she would prefer the first option. Her attitude towards it today has completely thrown me. I wish I had her calmness and clarity about these things. She said not to worry about the credit score, if we need something, we save up and get it. So now I just need to get my head around an IVA and the feelings that it will be rejected. But I have been in touch with some really good people so far, (quick call with Tina today, longer one tomorrow), and take it from there. If an IVA is not applicable for me, then I have to go to the next step. But I can do this, I know I can. I just have to get some inner strength for somewhere, (hopefully now from my lovely mum). xx

I am pleased you were able to speak to her. She will no doubt have many questions and you will now feel far more in control of the situation. Telling your parents is not the answer to everyone but like you it was the best thing we did ..instant relief almost. Hope you will sleep better to night now too !

Well done to you for dealing with one more demon, in the path to getting your debts under control, rather than having them control you. By getting your ducks in a row, and dealing with the important issues first, you will find yourself in a much better place to make that all important decision about what route to eventually select. Small steps, and getting stronger day by day is the key to eventually getting back in control - and you have many friends on here now who will want to help you with that journey.

Hope you have a good and productive meeting with Tina tomorrow.

Thank you Melanie, I really appreciate all the kind words from you and everyone else on this forum. Its strange but I feel proud of myself today for taking that huge step. Whatever happens I know I have my mum behind me. I knew that anyway, but this issue was just something that I thought I could never talk to her about. And for once in my life, I do feel like I belong, (sorry for being a bit emotional), to a group of people who know exactly how I feel and I how they feel. I have started taking my tablets, and am trying now to focus on getting through this for mum as well as me. We both love our home, and as long as we have each other and a roof over our heads, that's all that matters. I am looking forward to speaking to Tina again tomorrow. I know the path ahead is going to be really scary but I know I have to do this. Thank you xx

Then it is my job to make sure that home is protected, whilst you repay your creditors to the best of your ability. I have dealt with cases like yours many times Denise, so keep the faith and keep strong and we will get there together.

Sounds like you are on the road to a better life. And you know you can do this now, after your bravery today[:)]

How`s it today Denise?

Hi, not too bad. Still woke up feeling incredibly nervous and anxious. Mum seems ok, a bit quiet, but has just told me again that all she wants me to do is get this sorted out once and for all. I am still worrying that my IVA wont be accepted and I will be in a worse position than I am now, but I know that Melanie and her team would not put something forward unless they thought I had a good chance. I just want to pay my debts and have enough left over to live on. I would happily pay all of my debt off over the next five-six years. I am incredibly nervous about not paying my creditors up until the meeting. Halifax is my biggest creditor and I assume will have the majority vote. If they say no, then I am doomed. Sorry for gloom, I am really trying to remain positive, but it seems that once I climb one hurdle, I place another hurdle in the way. I know the feelings about the creditors rejecting is normal, but I have to return to work in two weeks time and try to get on with things as normal, and its so difficult to get my head around that as well as this. Grrr, I just wish I could grow a back bone at present.