www.iva.co.uk

Me and husband have split up, it was on my terms and he moved out last Monday. He is a drinker and wouldnt give it up for me and the kids, he got violent more than once. He is horrible when hes been drinking, but i do miss his friendship, i cant tell anyone that I miss him cause everyone, my family and friends thinks he is a pig and he is when he has been drinking, but hes been so nice lately and I cant help but miss him.

I am okay in the day when Ive got work and the kids to worry about but its when Im on my own, it gets me down. i know im better off on my own, not treading on eggshells but i feel really lonely, has anyone been through this and is it normal, we were together for 14 years.

thanks in advance

Oh NME, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. It's understandable that you'll miss him and be lonely, although you've done the right thing. No-one has the right to be violent towards you.

Keep posting on here, and we'll all help you through this as much as we can xxx

Thanks skippy, i just feel really emotional today my "baby" started playgroup today shes 2 1/2 she went off without even giving me a kiss (little monkey).

Im going BR on the 17/10 and dont know whats best to do with the house etc.

Just starting to question myself as to whether ive done the right thing but I know I have done deep down but I cant see him face to face without getting full up.

sorry to go on.and thanks

You're not going on at all. You've got a lot to deal with and we're all here for you.

Once you've got the BR out of the way, and you know what's happening with the house you'll be able to look to the future.

Did your little one enjoy playgroup?

Sorry I can't offer you any more advice x

Thanks skippy.

I really want to get BR out of the way but the first date the court had was 17th oct.

little one loved playgroup wants to go again 2moz but they dont have space at the moment so is just going mon and wed no doubt we will have tantrums in the morning, lol. x

I was 'removed' from playgroup as I hated it and screamed all the time! Glad your little one enjoyed it, and I hope tomorrow's not too bad!

Have you tried ringing the court to see if they have any cancellations? I seem to remember someone (I can't remember who) phoning them and getting an earlier date. It might be worth a go x

Thanks skippy you have cheered me up, i couldnt type for crying before - you have made me laugh lol.

I tried ringing the court this morning, there is nothing until 17th Oct there is only a judge in court on Tues and Fris. 6 weeks to go and counting.

thanks again x

Glad I could make you laugh! I must have been a nightmare of a child - my poor mum and dad had to put up with a lot!

Hey no money eva, I'm really sorry that it has come to this but you obviously deserve a better way of life. It will be hard to let go and I obviously can't tell you whether you're doing the right thing or not but I hope you can stop feeling upset soon and get on with living. I'm thinking of you and we're all here for you. X

Thanks viki, I am usually really strong and I have to put on a brave face for the kids 7 and 2. It just when I am on my own when they have gone to bed and ive been a bit of a a hypocritic regards his drinking cus I have drank more wine than I should have and that doesnt help (only a couple of glasses a night not a bottle lol)

Maybe I should stick to chocolate!! lol.

Eva, sorry to hear your news. It does sound as though you will be better off on your own.

It does get better, and just remember that we are all here for you.

NME, you are bound to miss him after being together for as long as you were but if you know you have done the right thing then thats all that matters. Pretty soon i'm sure you will start enjoying your new found "me" time.

Just wanted to echo what others have said.

Thinking of you xxxxx

Thanks everyone, it really helps that i can "talk" virtually anyway. It really helps.

Thank you.

Hi

Yes I have been there, we had been together for ever it seemed but I had to leave as I was too scared to stay. He was violent too and I just never knew when he would kick off, in the end my eldest son took some pills as he was so unhappy he didnt want to live. I really had no choice, my ex could be so nice but was jekyll and hide, I missed the christmases and the times he was lovely. Someone to look nice for and someone to share the bad days with. Its very hard at first but I made a life for myself slowly and someone said, 'when you make it on your own, you will know youre living, not existing, which is what you were doing before'. You cannot look to anyone else for happiness, its something all of us have within us.

It will get better, you do grieve for a lost marriage, whatever the circumstance are/were.

No money eva i am so sorry to hear that your going through a difficult time,it must be really hard for you and understandably it will feel strange after being with someone for so long,but as others have said,nobody deserves to be treated in that way,you and your children deserve better.And although it will take time to adjust,i hope that you soon start to feel a bit better about everything.take care[:)]xx