www.iva.co.uk

hello i'm just at my witt's end, i need to talk to someone, can anyone sujest a place to go i.e nhs councilor or samartians. my other half and i have been trying to sort out our iva process for the last 2 years and everytime i think great it's begining to come to a start something else pops up (another creditor) my other half will not talk to me about our situation and when i try to start a conversation he just takes no notice and carries on watching tv, yes i have turned off the tv but no use. all our debts are 95% other halfs created (some i knew nothing about) and 5% mine, i just need to get this sorted out in my head, i am at the moment out of work because of the amount of time i have been off sick, when this all came out into the open 2 years ago i couldn't cope and ended up in hospital for 10 days. sorry to rant i just wondered if anyone has been to any group or anything simular.

thanks

Hi Butterflies.
Sorry to hear you are having such problems . I am not much use but I would think going to your GP might be a good start have a word and they should be able to arrange a counseller for you.
Try to stay strong but I can see how hard it must be for you.
Do you have an iva now or just cant get the process started ?

Ang

Hi butterflies d welcome to the forum

Having debt and not knowing what to do is so stressful, but there will be a solution to the problem. Your other half needs to face up to the situation as it will not go away and they need to realise what an affect it is having on you.

I would also suggest going to your GP for advice as they could reccommend the next step for you, the forum is also a fantastic place for expert help and support. Maybe also try and get in touch with the CAB to see what they can suggest with the debts.

Maybe get your other half to have a look at the forum?

best wishes
Emma

thanks for your reply we got an iva agreed last june with a one off full and final settlement, so mortgage re done on a interest only, endownments in process of being sold (this has now be going on for 5 months for one problem or another, you get 12 months to complete the sale) then last month yet another creditor appears, i am on the nhs waiting list to see a counseller after my stay in hospital. i feel like i could just strangle or walk out on my other half, i do go to see my GP every 2 weeks or so but you don't get much time to chat.

thanks

Hi Butterflies

I am so sorry youre having such a hard time right now, must be a complete nightmare for you not knowing when this is even going to start let alone end. Youre really on a piece of string dictated by your other half. I would suggest as Ang says going to your GP and just spilling out what the hell youre going through right now, he/she may be able to help with the associated symptoms of extreme stress. I wouldnt hold your breath for an NHS conseller though, they are overstretched in most areas. I would suggest contacting mind, they are very approachable and helpful, the samaritans also have an online, face to face and telephone service which is 24/7.

Youre amongst friends here on the forum, many will be able to identify with the fear of debt and debt stress. I really do also feel for your other half and have to admit, I myself couldnt face my own debt problems at first. Its not easy to see a way out and very often the feeling of complete failure lead to apathy and an actual inability to face it. I hope things get better really soon, there is an answer to every problem, try to stay sane.

Thank you for your replies and support,Lily what is mind, are they a councelling service? (i think i'll be able to cope slightly better if i can talk to someone face to face).


thanks

MIND is an organisation for people with mental health problems, including depression and life stress, bereavement etc. They offer counselling etc.

Youre very welcome. My Gp gave me a phone number for them when I was recently bereaved and couldnt cope. I also know someone who works for them.

You could try booking a double appointment with your doctor, at my practice you can book 2 back to back appointments if you have a lot to discuss with the doc[:)]

Thank you again, emma t i am due to see my GP end of this week i'll try to book a double appointment, Lily i am going to look up mind on the web tomorrow, well i'm off to bed now feel like i could sleep for a couple of hours. thanks all good night.

Some good advice and info there. Good night Butterflies I hope you get things sorted we are always here if you need to chat.

Ang x

You might want to do a full credit search on both you and husband to ensure that you have the full picture.
No point doing half a job only to find you are still in a lot of debt.

You might want to speak to your mortgage broker as they may have already done one.

Butterflies - I was despairing frequently and couldn't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I found this forum by accident and have found everybody to be very supportive. Like previous responses have said - the waiting list for NHS counsellors is very long - if you feel its a relationship issue then you could try "relate" especially if you think you in danger of splitting and also they get both parties to look at things so may be a way of getting your other half to see how things affecting you. They also have a waiting list but its worth putting your name down all sorts of places. I am finding this forum a sort of "counselling" service with lots of support and ideas. Just talking to people in the same situation is good.