www.iva.co.uk

I am feeling very hormonal today. I burst into tear at work this morning over something and nothing. I felt so ridiculous. I'm a bit of a joker at work and always act like I could take on the world and still be laughing. Things at home are a little difficult, my husband is struggling with the idea of being br and no matter how many times I try and explain things to him it just doesn't sink in. He keeps asking me if we are going to be better off, and if not why we have gone bankrupt! I give up!
He is also stressed with my brother staying with us. We can't use the living room in a morning because he is asleep on the couch and all his bags are in the hall. 5 of us all getting ready in the morning with just the use of the kitchen downstairs is a bit of a struggle but I'm worried about my brother getting any indication that his being there is a problem. He hasn't been eating properly and he spent hours at his dad's grave the other day. He went to a spiritulist church last week cause I think he feels he could get some comfort from believing that his dad is still around him.

I'll just have to be extra nice to my husband to keep him sweet. Holding everything together can be a real struggle sometimes. But hey ho s**t happens and what doesn't break us makes us stronger which explains why I look like Geoff Capes!!

Thanks for listening

PS can you tell from my posts that I never shut up

Dee
X

Hello Dee....I am so, so sorry you are going through so much cr*p right now....it's horrible when everthing just seems to get on top of you and you feel physically weighed down with it all.....I really do sympathise....life really can be a bitch and that's a fact! My boyfriend and I are having "some time apart" right now - nothing at all to do with my IVA - as he is mega stressed about all sorts of things and very confused about what he wants and where he's going in life - he just seems incapable of making any decisions, so we decided to give each other some "space"......it was more his call than mine and I'm finding it pretty hard going and feel very sad most of the time even though I know in my heart that "what's to be will be" in the end....It's just very difficult coping at work and with all other everyday things as well isn't it....? We must keep strong and keep faith. Hang on in there.....[;)]

Hi both,

Sorry to hear your troubles - I know it sounds corny, but sharing your problems really does help. Sometimes we all try to put on a front and struggle on, then the slightest thing makes us feel weepy. Just wanted to say, we're all having problems of some sorts, financial stress can lead to all other things, but if we share I'm sure we'll help each other and others.

Hope you know what I mean and doesn't come across as too corny xx

Thank you Swans Girl...really appreciate that; yes, facing up to, admitting and talking about all the rubbish stuff really does help doesn't it...? Makes it all seem somewhat less daunting and that basically where there is life there is hope! Oh dear - I seem to be taling in cliches today - but a lot of them are just SO TRUE! [:)]

It must be something about today, I'm just getting so down about having no money. I really want another child but I don't think we will be able to find the childminding fees to pay as I don't think our IP would reduce want we pay as it seems comparably less than others.

Can't even blame it on a Monday morning, usually I'm really up beat about things. I suppose it is just dawning on me about how silly we really were about money we didn't really have.

Sorry to jump on the end of this message and feel sorry for myself. I know other peoples troubles are a lot worse than mine and at the end of the day we are all healthy.

Andrea

Just glad you felt you could share it with us and get it off your chest.....really helps doesn't it...? Stay strong [:)]

Hey there's nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself - if you don't do it who will? My heart goes out to you wanting another child. I have 2 lovely daughters from my first marriage and dearly wanted a child with my second ( and last) hubby. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage in December and as I'll be 40 in August I fear its not going to happen.

We decided that even though it would be a struggle with the IVA, we would still try for a baby. As it turns out its not to be.

As you say we're all healthy and we have each other too offload on....funny how its easier to tell strangers these things eh?

I'm sending hugs to all of you because I know how you feel. It does help to get it off your chest.

Sue

Hi girls

Dee this is all a bit much, you cant hold that together for much longer and something is going to give girl and my fear is that it will be you. I think debt stress is much harder on a man, their thinking is different to ours, we are more lateral thinkers and they are tunnel thinkers. He cant see anyting beyond the BR right now and how ever many times you try to reasure him he aint gonna see it as you do. I dont know your circumstances as to why your brother is staying with you, so I dont know if its long term or a short term arrangement. I think it might be an idea to have a meeting, thrash it all out, let everyone put their cards on the table and clear the air, decide how and each are going to compromise cos its obvious the house aint big enough for all. We are all instinctively teritorial so there is bound to be some friction with your hubby and brother, with that said, they both love you and wouldnt want you to suffer for them, but you are. So how about it, a chat, a meeting???? Tell me to clear off if you like, I dont mind, just looking at it from an outsiders point of view.

Octavia, I really feel for you, youre at the mercy of his 'not knowing what he wants' I have been there, I was in a long term relationship with a special needs teacher. Everything was going well, I thought, til one day we decided he didnt want the ready made family, he just wasnt used to special needs 24/7 and moved out but we were still together.

It went on for two years and I cried almost everyday until I thought, sod this, I am not being fair to my kids or me. I told him to clear off for good, he was shocked, I told him he was being selfish, he kept saying yes I want it all and then well I dont know. It was soul destroying as I was up and down with him but once I was over it, which did take time, I was soooo much better off. I wasnt going to put him before my children. I hope you can resolve the issues soon but dont hang around for too long.

Good luck.

Andrea

We can all think of reasons and beating ourselves up for what has happened, we all make bad choices sometimes, God didnt make us perfect. If we all waited for the right time for a baby, none of us would have been born. If thats what you both want, go for it. I just feel that life means more than money, my opinion only though. Where there's a will there will be a way. If you dont mind waiting, then you have that choice. All a baby really needs is love for everything else, there is ebay.

Good luck

Thank you Lily...wise words.....I am just leaving him to it and if he wants "us" badly enough he will do something about it...I realise that I cannot make him do this but equally - as you say - I can longer bear or indeed tolerate the uncertainty of everything...[:(]Time alone will tell....

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am being a bit sensative regarding my brother because he took an overdose a couple of weeks ago and part of his problems stem from not feeling wanted.

Thanks for the advise though it's always nice to get a completely objective point of view and when you're on the inside you can't see the wood for the tree (just thought I would stick to the cliche's theme).

Octavia and Andrea hope things improve for you both soon XXXX

Dee

Dee, thats even harder on you, is there a professional involved with your brother?. You cant shoulder this all on your own.

Hi Lily
He didn't want them involved, although he is seeing his doctor again tomorrow for a review of his medication and I've suggested he accept any councelling offered.

Dee

Well at the end of the day Dee, I hope he accepts some help for you sake, it must be very, very difficult for you.

Thoughts are with you and your brother.