40k debts, 36k pa salary - IVA?

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scaredkez

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Post by scaredkez » Thu Mar 22, 2007 8:01 pm
jane i just want to say please donot think of suicide it is not an answer "you owe money not your life " nothing is worth this, you have a family who love you and will be with you when all this sorry mess is over, you are doing your best, donot let them get to you they are only another person on the end of the phone and hey what can they actually do to you, they can;t drag you through the streets shouting debtor, believe me i know what you are going through i don;t care about the calls anymore or the letters i tried my best and they refused, you look after yourself and your family they are more important, remember we are all here for you, take care
kerri

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Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/
 
 

freelili

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Post by freelili » Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:31 pm
Hey

Jane

I am really concerned by your last line in the post, please dont even consider this. You are obviously under a mountain of stress and I would advise you think about yourself for a while. Unplug the phone, kerri is right.

LILY

I asked God for a solution and have to live with his reply.
LILY

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I asked God for an answer, I have to live with his reply.
Exsisto an angelus quod planto quispiam sentio melior.
 
 

freelili

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Post by freelili » Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:35 pm
Melanie, I really dont know how you can ignore this and talk technical stuff.


LILY

I asked God for a solution and have to live with his reply.
LILY

http://freelili.blogs.iva.co.uk

I asked God for an answer, I have to live with his reply.
Exsisto an angelus quod planto quispiam sentio melior.
 
 

DebtDummy

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Post by DebtDummy » Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:48 pm
Yes, I agree, unplug the phone and relax. Sounds easy I know but believe me it works. The debt is not going anywhere, it can wait. You take care of *you* and get some much needed rest.

I have been there, I know. You take care.

All I have left is my humour. :)
All I have left is my humour. :)

View my blog http://www.debtdummybankruwoman.blogs.iva.co.uk.
 
 

MelanieGiles

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Post by MelanieGiles » Thu Mar 22, 2007 11:58 pm
Lily

I am not quite sure what you mean by that last post. I am involved in the forum for my technical expertise, and there are more than enough of you out there to give pastoral support to Jane. I am sure that she appreciates that so many peopole are thinging of her at this time.

Rather than ignoring issues, you can probably see that I do reply to most posts where I feel I can add some professional input.

Regards, Melanie Giles, Insolvency Practitioner for over 20 years.

For further details contact me at http://www.melaniegiles.com and view my IVA blog at: http://melaniegiles.blogs.iva.co.uk
Regards, Melanie Giles, Insolvency Practitioner
 
 

thebear29uk

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Post by thebear29uk » Fri Mar 23, 2007 12:09 am
Hi all

Jane we all have dark days but you are not a criminal. You can hold your head up and say you have tried to sort your problems out by downgrading. The real culprits here are the ones who allowed you to secure more than 100% LTV on your property.

Lily we are here to support each other when we are down and need a cyber hug. The experts are here to provide concise information about what our options are. There are enough of us to provide the support without Melanie. Jane needs to know what her options are and BR is one of them.

Jane please dont even consider the option of suicide. You would be leaving behind the problems of your debts but also your family would have to come to terms with losing you. It cant be the answer. Like Kerri says all they can do is make you feel uncomfortable.

I had a call from one of my creditor's solicitors today telling me they are aware of the IVA being set up but they cannot prevent legal proceedings commencing if I didn't make a token payment there and then. I pointed out that this would be favouring them if I didn't do the same for everybody and that I would need to check with my IP and they agreed to hold the account for a further week. Now I consider myself to be a little clued up these days from reading this forum but it strikes me that its just the next tactic to get money out of us. Court Orders take time and you are not at that stage yet so dont answer the phone and try to take your mind of it all for a couple of days.

Please stay strong and keep posting

Dave
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Dave

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freelili

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Post by freelili » Fri Mar 23, 2007 12:31 am
I didnt mean anything Melanie

I appreciate that you are a technical advisor, its just that when I read that line I could think of nothing else. I just feel that life is so much more important that financial matters and thought priority over advice. Everyone on this forum appreciates the effort you make, and the advice you give. but you are a human being first. I agree the poster needs expert guidence from people who know. She thought of suicide as one of her options and I just thought that you might pick up on this. I didnt mean to offend in any way I was just being honest. We are coming from very different places and I appreciate that. I didnt realise the two couldnt merge to help someone so desperate.

LILY

I asked God for a solution and have to live with his reply.
LILY

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I asked God for an answer, I have to live with his reply.
Exsisto an angelus quod planto quispiam sentio melior.
 
 

jane.l

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Post by jane.l » Fri Mar 23, 2007 1:59 pm
thanx for all the support, its soo weird, I feel a bit better today, some days are better than others, Its awful waking up every morning and remembering the awful mess that is my life!

I think if I knew what direction to take, things would be easier, but there is soo much uncertainty, with the house sale, etc, I have been reading up on bankruptcy, just in case it came to that, but it seems to be so drastic and have had lots of conflicting advice about whether bankrupcty would include the secured loans and just don't know what to do really. I am going to unplug the phone when I get home tonight and leave it unplugged all weekend as there is nothing more I can do now until at least next week, Picture Finance said they should make a decision then regarding the sale of my house, so I don't think theres any point me getting stressed out by phone calls when they will probably just be related to chasing payments!
 
 

Storm

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Post by Storm » Fri Mar 23, 2007 2:09 pm
Hi Jane

Last time I checked through the posts everything was looking better..... you had the house sorted (even one who would take the animals) and were ready to move !!

But reading the 4 pages above seems its been a crap week.

Unplugging the phone sounds like a good idea.... and do something you enjoy with the better half + kids.
 
 

tracy.h

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Post by tracy.h » Fri Mar 23, 2007 2:26 pm
Hi Jane,
have been reading your posts,and felt so very sad as i can really feel your frustration.
You are trying so hard to stay in control yet it seems there are so many obsticles that keep getting in your way,i to have felt so down with all whats been going on and i find trying to act normal when i have friends or family round a real struggle,the thing is me and phil have always put this front on making out alls well in our world,but when its just us the reality sets in.I dont think i have ever felt so low,but the thought of my children even though they now have there own lifes and familys keep me strong.
I do struggle with my health and it has resulted in me cutting my hours at work but i can only blame that for some of our debt,wanting to make sure we could help the kids was propbably some of it and im ashamed to say that if they were to find out how much trouble we were in id be mortified,but deep down i no they would never judge me,what im trying to say is nothing is worth your daughter looseing her mum,so please hang in there you seem a very strong person,just at the moment with all thats going on you have lost your way,and please keep posting as you can see the people on this forum really do care.I personaly feel without the support especaily the advice from melanie, i personaly would not be copeing.
Im sending you a big hug filled with love and courage
Tracy.H
 
 

freelili

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Post by freelili » Fri Mar 23, 2007 2:41 pm
Jane

I am sooo glad you are feeling better, there will be a way forward, it will end, I really dont know what you will lose along the way but you WILL wake up to a better day and so will your family, I had feelings of suicide at the begining also. Bankruptcy is a scary word and provoked in me all kinds of hellish thoughts. It was my only way out after the IVA became unworkable for me. (I was suprised that it was not as scary as it sounded) I booked at the BR court and just before the date my mother passed away so my circumstances changed. I entered into a Temp DMP until inheritance comes through. Boy, do I know how you feel waking up to mess. its hard to decribe the feelings of panic, despair, apathy and dread. I rarely answer the phone now and am just begining to face the forest of letters I have been stuffing into baskets for the last 6 months, I have been hiding away for so long I hardly recognise myself or my life. All we really need is belief, and thanks to Kerri and Debt dummy to name just two, I have that now. Hang in there and stay focussed on the goal, the barriers will disappear. Good luck Jane you are not alone.

LILY

I asked God for a solution and have to live with his reply.
LILY

http://freelili.blogs.iva.co.uk

I asked God for an answer, I have to live with his reply.
Exsisto an angelus quod planto quispiam sentio melior.
 
 

DebtDummy

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Post by DebtDummy » Fri Mar 23, 2007 3:03 pm
freelili, you hit the nail on it's head. People are indeed different.
It's these differences in people that make the world an interesting place.People do not choose professions. They are attracted to certain professions because of their own unique personalities. I couldn't be a businesswoman. I do not have the personality nor the inclination. My idea of the business world is thinking the FTSE is a football club.
I could not be a stock-broker. All that buying low and selling high would give me vertigo.

There are some people who learn how to behave in a profession from their mentors or someone they admire. Some people learn how to behave in a profession from one or both of their parents being in certain professions. This is who they aspire to emulate especially if this person is highly respected in his/her profession or made wealthly from that profession.

People need to be liked. They need to be admired. It's this need within us. We are born with it. The need to be liked and admired makes us very sociable creatures. I think this is why some people who find themselves in deep financial trouble react so strongly to debt collectors. Some feel and even believe the debt collector doesn't like them which is why the debt collector is talking to them as though they are invisible. They have not yet made the connection that it is not about them, but the debt. However, debt is a personal matter. So, there is a correlation between not being to pay debts and feeling like a bad(unliked)person.

The IP is a saviour of sorts. The IP hangs on the cross so to speak being the mediator between creditors and debtors. The negotiators between the debtors being saved (IVA)going to hell (BR) or pergatory (modification). If the IP is savey and shrewd s/he is a saviour and the debtor goes to heaven. If the IVA is rejected and requires modification the IP is viewed as poor negotiator.

Now, because the IP, freelili, has to stand on the frontlines of the IVA fires they are caught in the flames and need a fire-proof jacket.
The debtor will expect nothing less. They have to be objective in each case and view each case on it's merits. IPs are trained to look at the hard cold facts and details first. They are as a whole not warm and fuzzy people. They are not warm and fuzzy people, but fact finders and fact presenters.However, they are liked by debtors as a whole and can derive a sense of satisfaction in knowing they can handle the flames for the debtor and be seen as a life-saver in the end.

Here come the soft and fuzzy people. The psychologists, the psychiatrists, social workers, nurses, teachers. You know the 'helping' professions. They are trained to pick up on emotional distress. When the debt becomes too much and the debtor becomes suicidal, they do not know what to do, they turn to you, freelili not Melanie. Your role here is more important because you give the hope which encourages the life to continue. You can speak from experience. You give them pause for thoughts and feelings to be expressed. You make it possible for them to 'hold on' for another day and contact an IP. And when the IVA negotiations go array and they are thrown back into the firey pits of despair...they...contact...you. People like you, scaredkez, skippy 13, coco, gizmo and countless others here.

Now, you are on the cross carrying their emotional burdens easing the weight of financial concerns. You are not in the flames though, you're a lot closer to that debtor. You are an emotional empath and even over this medium they 'feel' your words and gain some insight into their problems. You like them and care about them. They can sense it in your words.

So, there you have it in a nutshell. Different strokes for different folks (smile). Why? Because as you stated correctly above, we are all different.

Alright, I shall crawl back into my mia-mia with my battered pink helmet and get prepared for the debt collectors to ring...again...again...and yet again.




All I have left is my humour. :)
All I have left is my humour. :)

View my blog http://www.debtdummybankruwoman.blogs.iva.co.uk.
 
 

Skippy

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Post by Skippy » Fri Mar 23, 2007 3:31 pm
I've never thought of myself as warm and fuzzy DD!!!

I do understand what you say about being attracted to certain professions - I have always wanted to join the police (see what I mean about not being warm and fuzzy?!?) but I now know that dream is over due to the BR (and the fact that I am 32 so would probably be their oldest recruit!) but I have accepted that. I will be getting my fresh start, and that is the most important thing.

To Jane and everyone else who is in a similar situation, please remember that you are the important one here. You have got a family who love and need you, and you will get through this. When your debts are cleared (be it by IVA, BR or lottery win!) there will be someone else to take your place on the creditor's hit list. Perhaps they should look at their lending policies to work out why there are so many of us in this situation. No, we didn't have to borrow the money, but maybe they shouldn't have made it so easy for us to get credit. You are not a bad person, and I wish you all the luck in the world x

Onwards and upwards!!!
 
 

gimmewine

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Post by gimmewine » Fri Mar 23, 2007 3:42 pm
Debt dummy, your humour seems to be surviving just fine. Tell you a joke, I work in the Accountancy profession. All my clients' affairs are managed perfectly and they are all in credit, yet if you looked at my own affairs, you would think how the **** can that person be let lose in that profession.

Joiners can have the most outdated homes, nurses can be the most messy of us all, and I bet IP's can be warm and fuzzy along with the rest of us. The only thing we can't do is take our work home or our home life into work.

I think there should be an annual party for those of us unfortunate souls who have finally put their debt problems behind them. You could call it a freedom festival, what better way to celebrate the fact you have disposable income once again.
 
 

freelili

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Post by freelili » Fri Mar 23, 2007 3:55 pm
DD

Hey now I know why I do peoples feet,the limping in and walking out all part of my satisfaction, well I did until debt-stress ended it for a while.

Another thing has just sprung to mind, people in financial stress oftem say, when I get back on my feet!!!!!! Yes, a connection perhaps?

Your words are nothing short of brilliant You always create a moving picture, with feeling and bring a smile to the forum everytime. You do have a special gift and I hope that one day I will be buying your book. (with cash of course).

Good luck with the red warrior phone, kick some debt collector backside and march on.

LILY

I asked God for a solution and have to live with his reply.
LILY

http://freelili.blogs.iva.co.uk

I asked God for an answer, I have to live with his reply.
Exsisto an angelus quod planto quispiam sentio melior.
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