a joke i read tonight thought it was funny

[scaredkez]

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although
his English was far from perfect, they got along very well
until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he
could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce
would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following
questions:
>>
Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I
mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete. I don't
think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have
carport, and not need one. I mean what are your relations like? All my
relations still in Poland. Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We
have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? No, she white. Why
do you want this divorce? She going to kill me. What makes you think
that? I got proof. What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy
a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it
say: "Polish Remover".

i thought it was funny
kerri

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[scaredkez]

another one

A guy is playing piano in a bar when an elephant walks in and sits next to him.
As the guy is playing the piano, he notices tears streaming down down the elephant's cheeks.
"Do you remember the tune?" asked the guy.
"I remember the ivory!" replied the elephant.

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[scaredkez]

and another to lighten the way, see how happy i am tonight

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved
all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his
money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I
want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with
me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And
so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart
that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the
casket with him.



>> >>Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife
>> >>was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next
>> >>to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the
>> >>undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
>> >>"Wait a minute!" She had a box with her, she came over with
>> >>the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers
>> >>locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
>> >>
>> >>So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough
>> >>to put all that money in there with your husband." The !
>> >>loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go
>> >>back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put
>> >>that money in that
>>casket with him". "You mean to tell me
>> >>you put that money in the casket with him !!!!?"
>> >>
>> >>"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it
>> >>into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it,
>> >>he can spend it!!!"
>> >>
>> >>Send this to every clever female you know . Women's logic -
>> >>always the best !!!!!!!






Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[scaredkez]

and one last one:


One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,
her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord
appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and
that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their
family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden
thimble set with pearls.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble
ringed with sapphires

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband
along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared
under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why
are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes!" cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you
would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you
would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would
have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would
not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said
'yes' to George Clooney."

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good
and honourable reason, and in the best interest of others.

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[Skippy]

That's brightened up my morning! Glad that you sound so much happier Kerri x

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/