i injured my shoulder just over a week ago so am off work sick at present, financially i will be down on my wages next month, but thank goodness i managed to save some money while my iva was in the process of being set up, so shouldn't pose to much of a problem at this time.
i think im just a bit fed up anyway been in a lot of discomfort with my shoulder.
but then daughter came home from school today, quite excited, her best friend has asked her if she would like to go to florida next year with her family, the villa would be paid for but i would need to pay for her flight, park tickets and general spending money.
now some time ago my daughter was given a very ugly but expensive necklace from an elderley family member, worth about £400, in her excitement she said if i would allow it she would sell this necklace and put the money toward the trip.
it was really hard telling her that even with her own contribution from the sale of the necklace it was really unlikely that i would be able to afford the rest of the money to go, now that i only have the money i earn.( she doesnt know about the iva but she knows i cut up my credit cards)
she looked so dissapointed, but just said ok i understand.
i feel terrible, think it would of been easier if she had been cheeky or stroppy.
i know this is not really iva related but just needed to confide in someone, and i know i can rely on my cyber friends to say the right thing.
thanks
kat
IVA accepted 6th May 2011, Full and Final accepted 17th April 2012.
Hi kat - things feel worse when we are down. Have you any idea how much she would need? If she managed to sell the necklace is there any way you could squirrel away a bit? How old is your daughter? Could she do jobs for friends and families, washing cars, dog walking etc? Do without her pocket money, save money she gets for birthday or Xmas? It may just be possible if you both put your heads together.
the problem is they go away during high season, looked at virgin atlantic web side and flights alone are going to be about £600 - £800 pounds, hopper park tickets for disney and universal are a further £300-£400 plus spending money, even if she saved xmas and birthday money it would not amount to this large sum of money.
and i know i cannot comitto saving this amount every month, i feel because i am doing the parenting and iva alone i need to try and have a little money put to one side if possible in case of house or car emergencies/repairs etc, i think it would be stretching the budget just a little to far. never mind she has only just turned 14 there will be other opportunities for her.
kat
IVA accepted 6th May 2011, Full and Final accepted 17th April 2012.
Yeah - not worth stretching is it. To be honest with you it's better to go when you are an adult. So much more fun. Maybe you could use the money from the jewellery and go to Alton Towers or something fun? Kids will always bounce back - tell her when she has left school she can save to go there. She will probably get more out of it then if she goes with friends - I did!! Don't feel guilty about it. I had no idea how much flights were these days to Florida! As long as you have fun together that's the main thing. My niece and nephew are staying in the summer for 10 days and I have already told them there will be less money around. They have already said they'll bring games down to play in the garden and we'll take picnics to the beach. Bless them!
kazza to be truthful she has been once, we went a few years back.
and she is a really good kid very understanding and sensible for one so young!
but your right and i have said this before we have found good times and had fun doing the most simple of things since money has been tighter. i think in this instance the issue is more mine, feeling a bit of a let down.
kat
IVA accepted 6th May 2011, Full and Final accepted 17th April 2012.
That makes me feel better knowing she has been. If it was Spain or France then it would be a different matter wouldn't it.
Everything feels bad because of the way you are feeling. I know I have very low moments when I am worse than normal. You are being the sensible one by sorting out your debt problems and by learning to be careful and enjoy things for free then you will also be conditioning your daughter to be the same.
Hope you have strong pills to take to help you sleep?
Don't feel bad. Many kids don't get to go at all and she's been once. It's an expensive holiday for any single parent let alone one without credit cards! There'll be lots of opportunities for you to enjoy yourself over the summer x
It is very cruel for her friends parents to expect you to find that kind of money when they know you are a single parent,you would be basically paying for the whole trip and they have only contributed a bed thats going spare.
They have got your daughters hopes up knowing it is a ridiculous amount of money to find,you are lucky you have brought her up to understand the value of money and she does sound a very sensible,level-headed girl,well-done you!!!!
I also doubt that kind of money for a holiday is being paid for in cash.
We do worry in the iva that our kids are missing out,that is our guilt coming out and children are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.
We went from the fancy 2 or 3 holidays abroad every year to camping in the Lake District,and guess which one my son prefers-give him a field full of trees and a log fire to toast marshmallows and hes happy.We take his friends with us as it doesnt cost any extra and I wouldnt dream of asking their parents for money,although they always contribute.
Dont feel bad that your daughter cant go,its a flash holiday that will soon be forgotten about.
Let her sell the necklace and spend the money as she chooses,that will be a heck of a lot of fun in itself!!![:D]
Maybe she could go see her favourite band in concert,a girly shopping trip with you into town-400 quid is still a fair bit of money,especially so for a child.
Let her enjoy spending it,and dont feel guilty about a trip most people couldnt afford nowadays!!!!
Last edited by andrea1968 on Fri Jun 24, 2011 6:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
full and final accepted January 2015
iva agreed; August 2010
iva would have completed; August 2017
extra year thank's to NRAM
Sorry about your shoulder and hope you feel better soobn.
I know your daughter must be disappointed but it is a lot of money to find. We took our daughters friend there one year but we used the plastic and all she had to take was spending money, we funded the rest.
Couldn't do it now though!!!!!!
Perhaps when you have finished your IVA you could look at going somewhere like that, just the two of you?
Flights to the US are really expensive nowadays, it's actually cheaper to do a package holiday.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
I agree with Andrea - it was very naughty of them to invite your daughter before speaking to you, particularly when they want so much money from you! And like Jan, if we took friends on hols with us our parents paid as they issued the invitation.
Spending money I can accept, but to expect the parents to pay for everything else is out of order.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
I do hope your shoulder starts to feel better soon, it's miserable to be in pain.
This is a horrible position to be put in, I'm not a parent so I don't totally understand but I do remember being a kid and my best friend had well off parents and I didn't, I won't lie that often I had initial disappointment over stuff like this but it soon went and never stays very long.
I do agree with the others, the other parents were very irresponsible inviting her before speaking to you. I think for anyone at the moment that is a lot of moment, never mind a single mum and in an IVA! Not many are spending that kind of money on holidays right now - unless it's on a credit card and we all know where that gets you!!
"It is never too late to be what you might have been"
Fiona
hope your pains not too bad.
weve been in an iva nearly six years and our little girl now says mum i cant have this can i ....some time its sooo hard to not be able to get the odd treat ,even a comic seams expensive!.But ive found we can do cheap things and trips and take sandwiches with you,we even take a flask!.We thankfully are nearing the end our our iva and our little girl wants a bike so i think this time it will be guess what yes you can have it!!.Our flights been called and our iva is nearing a a safe landing good luck
