About to have a nervous breakdown?

[MrsH]

Hello

I've been building up the courage to accept my situation for a while now and I can no longer bury my head in the sand.

For too many years now my husband and I have been spending far more than we've been earning and the situation has reached a critical point. We had a little boy just over a year ago and with me working less we were juggling money from different cards etc and we can no longer do this.

I'm so scared as to what is going to happen to us and also incredibly embarrassed and ashamed that we have let ourselves get in this situation. I feel so stupid.

I'm a very negative, insecure person who likes to worry - so I'm dreaming up all kinds of horrible scenarios here.

We don't want our families to find out the situation as we think they will be destroyed but equally we know they would probably offer some kind of help.

My biggest stress is the worry of losing our home (we're in negative equity though due to a secured loan) or not being able to move home for several years even though we really need to.

I'm having trouble sleeping and suffering with terrible headaches and backache, bursting into tears at the slightest thing and I just don't feel like I can carry on like this...

What are the first steps I need to take and how long (on average) does the whole process take?

[Declan at DebtFreeDirect]

Hi MrsH

Firstly welcome to the forum. I hope you find it useful. The guys here are very understanding and supportive and we will always happily answer any questions you may have. In terms of your situation, you are not alone, given the current economic climate more and more people are struggling with the burden of debts. You have made the first move in actively looking for a solution. An IVA may or may not be the best solution for you, it is based entirely on your own situation. If it is the best solution the process on average takes about 6 - 8 weeks.

Hope this helps

Thanks

[size5]

Declan is right, there WILL be an answer, it just depends on what it is.

Take time to speak to 2 or 3 professional firms, you can have a look at www.iva.com for a list, reviews etc. Any reputable provider will be happy to talk to you at length as to the pros and cons of ALL solutions for you on a no obligation basis. Once armed with the info on what options you have you can then make your own mind up from there.

Hope this helps.

Regards.

[MelanieGiles]

Hi there

You are facing a situation that many families find themselves in at the moment - increasing expenditure, overcommitment to borrowings and a new little family member who brings along their own set of expenditure - which often is underbudgeted.

Your post suggests that you may have been struggling for some time now, and I am convinced that you will feel much better when you have spoken to an insolvency practitioner about your situation and learned more about the options that are available to help you. It will not cost you anything to phone, or make a web-based enquiry, and as the others have suggested why not try a couple of practitioners to compare the advice and level of client service provided.

Problems shared are problems which eventually are solved - giving you more time to spend on that important little man who needs his Mummy to be smiling rather than crying.

[Michael Peoples]

Sometimes it is necessary to take hard decisions which will benefit you in the long term. If you have negative equity and could be stuck in an unsuitable property for years it may be worth considering surrendering the property and starting over.

You could at least rent a more suitable property for less than you are paying on the mortgage and secured loan. Any shortfall could be incorporated into a bankruptcy or IVA and you could look to buy again in the future. As Melanie says it is important to do what is best for you, your husband and your little boy. Good luck and do seek advice.

[banjoplayer]

Wow MrsH you have had several relies and everyone of them are fully qualified to help you with you problems, speak with them, they will give you professional advice and also offer you a way forwards.

Best wishes BP

[mikepapa]

Welcome to the forum Mrs H, your story struck a chord, we to were living beyond our means, I to feel ashamed to have let our situation get to this point. But like you found the courage to make the first very important step. In fact it took me 12 months to pick up the phone but glad I did. You get to a realisation that things cannot go on the way they are. The sooner you talk to an IP the sooner you can get your life back for you & your family. I can vouch for Melanie Giles & others can prolly vouch for others on this site, give a couple a call today, & try not to worry to much.Remember you are not on your own.

[MrsH]

Thanks so much for your supportive words everyone.

My husband took the plunge yesterday and made a few phonecalls and we are on the way to making a decision about what is best for us to do.

It seems that we would certainly qualify for an IVA but we are just working out whether it would actually be better for us to declare ourselves bankrupt and make some payments through this route as it takes less time to be resolved.

Either way, the consensus of opinion from everyone we've spoken to is that we won't lose our property which is a huge weight off my mind.

Have also spoken to my parents about the situation who (whilst extremely shocked) were also very kind and supportive and have offered us help - either in the form of money to pay bankruptcy fees etc, taking over the interest in the property or (god forbid!) somewhere to live.

I feel much better that we have taken steps and also from talking to my parents.

Will keep you posted on our progress and thanks again

[Michael Peoples]

Glad to see you are feeling better and a huge weight must have been lifted when you told your parents. I would suggest though that you cease paying creditors and put up with the phone calls. It will cost over a thousand pounds for you both to go bankrupt so it would make more sense to save what you can to pay these fees. Alternatively, if you decide to go down the IVA route this money could be used to service the car, buy things for the baby, clear any utility arrears etc as five years is a long time.

Good luck in whatever you choose and keep posting.

[MrsH]

Thanks - I think my husband spoke to someone at the Insolvency Service who also suggested this and said that there were some template letters we could use to send to them so we're going to look at this tonight.

It certainly makes sense to save the money we would have been using on those payments to go towards any fees or other expenses. It will also be slightly less of a shock to our creditors when the process is started formally.

[Julie]

Hi Mrs H and welcome to the forum,

You've certainly had great advice and seem already to have made big steps going forward. Well done for telling the parents, its not easy but you'll find it easier in the long run if close family are aware of your situation.

There's posters on here who have experience of DMP's, IVA and BR, so whatever questions you have, we'll be able to answer.

One thing I will say, if you decide BR is the option for you, please dony pay a company to help you fill out the forms. There really is no need, as the forms are not that bad and we'll help for FREE [;)]

You'll find some template letters on the left hand side that may help you.

Good luck xx