Advice for Ox

[Ox1987]

Well I bust into tears in doctors and he said he has seen alot of people like this in this current climate
He has upped the citralopram to 40mg not sure if that is strong or not and has referred me for counselling talking therapy he called it.

I need to try and focua the wife is still convinced getting the IVA approved and we will be find in fact she says that I should be counting myself lucky to have this job
Everything seems to have failed around me businesses etc and I think its this that has knocked me more than the debt I have been made redundant once job gone as business fails lost a child now consider that a happy life. What should I do with the rest of the kids they do not need a wreck of a dad and one with no prospects etc

[abbiesmum2003]

Never ever regret having your children! They are not the cause of your debt. Yes they make live more costly but i fear you have been a victim of your own success and took on too much given the high earnings. Now unfortunately with the economy the way it is things are a struggle to maintain. Dont say you should never have had the children Ox. I hope you get on well at the doctors.

[luluj]

Ok Ox - I apologise in advance for this but .....

you need to get a grip and be really truly grateful for the love of your family - your wife and kids need you and they would not want you to be thinking of anything so ridiculous as to what to do with the kids next.

You have a high income, and ok your expenditure levels are relatively high with the mortgage and car ...but no more so than anyone else on this forum, in relative terms.

Your IP is one of the best, and they will not be suggesting anything they felt was not going to result in a positive outcome.

Ok you have had a run of bad luck over the years - we all have - that is why we are faced with the challenges we are faced with and why we are all on this forum ....but you come out the other side !

My husband and I owed £73k in unsecured debts and had £150K in secured debts before entering our IVA - our joint income was not even £50k - we managed our IVA, took the advice of the professionals, learnt to budget and cut our cloth accordingly and paid back every single penny possible. Yes we were fortunate at the end due to some inheritance, however ignoring this fact we would still have paid back 83p in the £ had it gone the full five years.

Your situation is not unique and you will not be the last. It is only natural to worry and show some level of anxiety. Your doctor is offering the support needed and you need to manage the medication and counselling sessions so that you benefit from them, and that your family sees a changed you.

Sorry if this has been a harsh thread - but I speak as I feel on this occasion - I long to have had the children you have, but alas it was not to be - make the best out of a very bad situation and learn to budget, learn to live life differently - the end result is you will still be a happy family and will appreciate things far more.
The house is simply a series of bricks - yes you have worked hard for it, however it has caused you so much grief in some respect.
We sold our house and cleared the secured loans at the outset of our IVA - moved into rented for three years and we have never ever looked back - please we are now back in our own home with a small mortgage but the big difference is now our expectation levels are so much smaller.

Come on OX do this for your family - you know you can !

[Shining]

Perspective for me today...my husband went into work and his boss has maximum 10 months to live, he's 49...I reckon he'd rather be saddled with debt and entering an IVA for five years.

I know how much Luluj wanted/wants a child but sadly it's not to be just read her blog and nobody would make a better parents as her and her hubby. Life throws all sorts at us but the only option is to get on.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
'Nietzsche, Friedrich'

I have never suffered depression as such only felt down so don't know the despair feeling and it's obvious you have that but going around and around in circles won't get you any where take the advice of the experts and have faith, we can help you along the way with support. But never regret for one minute as life is far too short.

Hope the increased meds bring some calm and tranquility into your life I sincerely do. x

[luluj]

Thanks Lesley x

[Ox1987]

So guys I hear you and agree what do you think I should do I cannot sell up as their will be a shortfall at the moment
If the budget is doable then I should go for it and manage I hope there may be payrises in the future for me which will help. As you know I love my kids more than life itself and it is just the fear of ruining their little lifes that scares me the most I am sat outside the doctors crying in my car as I cant face going home yet. I will now
We have Dylans 1st Holy Communion on sunday I want to make it a happy one but finding it hard hopefully increased dosage may kick in
And luluj I did not take it harshly I do need a kick sometimes I need to believe I can make this work I am bad put it this way I stopped the wife moving rooms around as I said not worth it as we may lose house , how ridiculous

[luluj]

Ox - I feel I am repeating myself - enjoy your children and you family life.
Let your IP work on the IVA proposal and get this approved - learn to live on the budget set and you and your family will come out the other side absolutely fine. You will be amazed and what extra family activities you can do that do not cost the earth ...simply taking a picnic and a kite out is fun and probably not something you would dream of doing !

An IVA is not easy, it isn't meant to be ...but life throws little challenges at us all from time to time and this is just one of them ....at the end of it your children will be better children too as they will not expect the luxury gifts thrown at them at birthdays and Christmas etc - they will appreciate the need to work for what they get.

Please Ox stop the worrying and let things happen in the IVA - you are really going to make yourself worse by repeatedly going over old ground with your questions - look back at your old questions and read the responses we are all saying the same thing to you - the IVA is manageable and your IP will work for you not against you.

[Shining]

I think your next step should be to talk to Melanie in respect of the IVA assuming you've chosen Melanie to act for you. Take her advice and believe in her. Let Melanie do the hard work with you supplying what she needs through the process.

I understand that depression isn't a straightforward response to a bad situation and I'm not going to tell you I understand the blackness the feeling of hopelessness and loneliness that you're obviously going through. We are not experts we are people like you been in or are in debt...Melanie and a few other posters are the experts. Have faith in them and your Dr and you can get through this.

Enjoy the 1st Holy Communion how lovely, you obviously have high family values. You be proud of yourself and your family as you're now fighting to give them a better future which in due course you will do. Go home and give the children a cuddle and the wife as she sounds very supportive. Have an evening off thinking about the IVA and give Mel a call tomorrow (or one of her team). x

[Ox1987]

Thanks lesley and luluj

I qm in process of supplying the stuff needed for the IVA so all thats in track

I think the run of 3/4 good days ran out today and I had a bad day
Just going to chemist to get meds then home

[Foggy]

Mark, follow your wife's lead, she is doing a wonderful job. You asked "What do you think I should do?" --- Only you can really answer that one, but, for what it's worth I think you should take the pills, they will soon kick in on top of the ones you have taken so far, do what Mel's team advise and STOP thinking about BR!!

Your budget is doable and you will manage.

You have NOT let your family down, you are taking steps to recover the situation. You know the saying about brown smelly stuff happening ? It's true! We deal with it -- and you will too.

[Shining]

and then relax x

[Hyperdrive]

Hi Ox I`m so pleased you kept that appointment.
I have just relived the moment in the doctors surgery with you. My GP was very supportive and patient while I sobbed uncontrollably, and while I explained how I felt about myself and life and how everyone would be better off without me. God that`s such a vivid memory and milestone.

I`m living proof that however you might feel there is so much to look forward to, especially with your young family, and you will get there just like me.

I want you to remember you are not alone in your struggle, and your journey towards happiness again.

You`ve made a great stride forward today.[:)]

[Foggy]

Mark, don't fret about the tears -- better out than in, as they say. Years ago, I was under a lot of stress and was referred to a trick cyclist (can't spell the correct title!!).... he talked for a while and then asked me to stay there while he got a colleague to join us ... now, I knew you needed two signatures on a committal order, so, when he left I did a runner !!!! But, pills, talk and time did it's work in the end and I am now the person you see before you (no sarky comments please!)

[josu]

Hi Ox, nothing i said should have freaked you out, i finished my post by saying that i thought your I&E was managable, i have also said in previous posts that i think isnt quite generous. What i said was that i didnt think it was the unsecured debts that worried you i think it is the mortgage and the secured loan and you have established you do not want to go BR so you now just have to get on and deal with the fact that you have a big mortgage and just get on with it. Dont forget your wife will be working again soon even if its just a few hours a week for a bit of extra pocket money for you all. Everyone on here has told you that your situation is better than theirs, we are all skint Ox but i would say that the majority of us are happy, our children are happy and we have no regrets with our IVA's whatsoever.

[josu]

*That is meant to say 'i think it is quite generous'