Advice for Ox

[harrysmummy78]

Hi Mark - I have been reading your thread for the last couple of weeks and you have such a massive amount of support on here and some fabulous advise has been given to you but it is very obvious how desperate you are feeling at the moment and I do not believe anything anyone says to you will relieve you of your anxiety I felt exactly the same 3 months ago and have struggled with panic attacks ect I had to take 4 months off work it was so bad. All I can say is we had 32k off debt on top of our mortgage and we only earn about 26k a year since my IVA was accepted my family life has improved 100% my son is very very happy and I now enjoy every second I spend with them as I am not constantly dwelling on "what if's" life is way too short and precious Please hang in there you are in very safe hands with Mels team and do keep taking your meds I still have some bad days and I have been taking mine since January it can take quite a few months for them to start making you feel better. Good Luck with everything. Louise.

[Ox1987]

Good Morning

Thanks all you see my issue is that am I over stressing how bad BR would be also as people have stated its only bricks but I have lost a child here and had two born
I dont want to become a burden on the state and live on benefits though I know with 3 children we would get nearly 2k a month. I have worked hard my whole life and am proud of thats u and I want that to continue. I dont want to lose my Job and career over a relatively small debt
I worry about not the BR process but the repossession proceaa and also I have strange thoughta about going to jail if I cant pay my CT or TV licence

I am just very nervous about the IVA getting approved and added to that now I have feeling they make take car back which would cause a problem in me getting to work especIally if I have used the 10k for the F&F though I suppose with the car payment we could do a full iva

I know this needs fixing and we should have not let this happen I feel so guilty I struggle to even get out of bed these days. The depression is so slowing me down. This is why I get the strange ideas that would the children be better of up for adoption as I love them so much snd dont want an harm coming to them and want them to do well in life something I cannot guarantee

The wife ia acting very normal is singing frere jaques with our 4 ur old going down the stairs she is acting as if it has been approved and we can live on the.budget. I think she will be destroyed if this gors wrong and gets rejected as our only choice then is to go BR Doctor asked if I had felt sucicidal I said nit really but I think that was a white lie ae I have to be honest I do a bit now

[Hyperdrive]

There will come a point Ox, possibly when the citalopram kicks in more, when the depression lifts and you will stop having suicidal thoughts. Then you`ll be singing to your kids too.
Hang in there dude[:)]

[Ox1987]

I just cant see a positive outcome at the moment to anything I hope the meds may help that

I fear we will lose the car and the house and then my job and where will that leave us.

Probably on the streets or with my parents crammed in 3 bed house. On benefits not working and children suffering as things would be very stretched

I do wonder though whether 2k equates to my 4k less certain bills are we living a benefits life anyway

I feel I am going to live my life stressed forever worried about things I think they may be better off without me I am a waste of space

[Hyperdrive]

Probably on the streets or with my parents crammed in 3 bed house. On benefits not working and children suffering as things would be very stretched

It`s the depression talking here. The "fears" you see as very real now will disappear in time.

The great thing about the IVA is we swept all our financial problems into a big heap and passed them on to the IP to deal with. The relief was immense having someone else take the burden after years of trying to get more money to service more debt and juggling bank balances every day.

Let Mel take the strain.

[josu]

Ox ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Whats going on with you this morning? You are talking crazy!!! Most of us on here know we could probably have an easier life on benefits but we dont do it. Its a about sorting out your debts yourself, setting an example to your chidren. Putting your children up for adoption??????? Ox, i think more likely your wife will bring them up alone if you ever suggested anything like that to her. You have to snap out of it now. We have all told you your debts are low, we have all told you your budget is affordable, we have all told you your position is better than ours!!! What else can we say? You are not listening to us, you are not being fair on your wife and children. Im sorry i am not an expert on depression but i feel you are being selfish it is all about you, how you are feeling. You have to get a grip now for your family you are a dad!!!!!! You wife will be working in the not too distant future. Your worse case is not BR i have told you this, your worse case is a dabt management plan with a very good company, minus your 10k it wont even be that much. That wont happen anyway as you will get an IVA. Ox if your F&F is accepted will you be happy?

[Ox1987]

Yes


I just want it to work but I cannot see it working and getting accepted and that will leave us with little options

I fear everything at the moment and am finding it very paralysing, I did not think life would be like this and I know its our fault as well for getting into debt that now we cant repay, but I want a positive outcome so I can protect my children otherwise I am not sure where I will be.

If I could be sure that I would get a decent council house and could feed and clothe the kids I would go and work in a warehouse or something else and lead a basic life if the kids were happy.

I think I may have to face it I am going to be homeless with 3 kids sometime soon i reckon

[Foggy]

MARK! You are NOT going to be homeless -- this is the black cloud of depression talking. You must stop dwelling on all of this totally irrelevant rubbish.

Please give Tina a ring and have a chat.

[Ox1987]

Foggy i wish i could feel so confident I am so scared at the moment
Scared i will lose the car
Scared I will lose house
Scared I will lose kids
Scared I will lose job
Scared I will lose wife
SCARED FULL STOP

[Hyperdrive]

Everyone has these fears Ox but at the moment they have been magnified by your depression and you can`t rationalise them.

Things will get better - one day at a time.

Give Tina a call like Foggy says, you`ll feel a bit better talking to someone who has the power to change things.

[Ox1987]

Dont think she will want to talk to me as im a nightmare need to get stuff done so we can at least try and get the iva

[abbiesmum2003]

This is the depression talking Ox. Take the upped dose. Go to work. Get off the forum and get everything together to finalise iva proposal.
Depression is a blinking awful illness. My sister in law took a massive intentional overdose on Saturday and is hanging in there in our local hospital. Shes left letters, bank details, funeral choices. We are scared stiff she wont make it and will leave 3 girls motherless at 12,9 and 7. Dont go down the same path Ox. Its devasating.
You will NOT put the kids up for adoption! You are not in touch with the real world Ox and how processes like that work! Its not going to happen because you wont go to jail. You wont end up in a council house. If you did lose this job you get something else....anything else! You sound a very proud man and you will find a job. So it might not be what your trained for or earn what your used to but maybe that wouldnt be a bad thing and make you realise how the majority of us live. We are a family of 5. 3 bedroomed house happy children and happy marriage. But we earn half what you do with both working!
The depression is wrecking your home life and probably impacting on your job. It wont be the iva that leads to job loss it will be you not doing job properly. Depression is horrendous but it is treatable and then everything will look rosier. The financial stress is carried by Mels team. You no longer have to speak to creditors. Therell be no more letters/demands. What you earn is spent on essentials and family not given to creditors and only chipping away at the interest. If F&F accepted thats it..over. Speak to Tina. You need to believe this will work Ox. You are your own worst enemy. Keep in touch with GP. Do the counselling and get things together so iva can be proposed.

[Ox1987]

I am sorry to hear that news it is very sad and I hope I never get that desparate. I feel sometimes I will do but manage to pull myself back by thinking of the children and in reality what would they want Money or a Dad and I hope it would be the latter.
I only assume the council house as that would be the solution I think if we lost the house and had no income.
The Adoption thing is only as I want to protect my childrens lives and would they be happier in a family would was not in debt and also not a mess. If the kids could understand I am sure they would wonder why have we got in such a mess and put the family at risk
On my job its actually far the opposite, they love me here and think I am really good. I have made a good impression so far.
I will do the counselling not sure what the wait is as long as they dont section me
I want to believe but finding it hard

Beginning to think the depression is more related to me and my career than the debts as being made redundant business failing when I was going to take job there and the struggling to get a new one and this has a salary i was last on in 2008.

Have taken upped Meds maybe did too fast one last night then one this morning when I ususally take them I did not take one yesterday morning
Feel a bit wierd they are bigger, hopefully will kick in quicker than the 2 weeks.

Hope your sister IL gets better

[josu]

Your children will be happiest with their mum and dad, full stop!

[Ox1987]

But what would life be like as a bankrupt family if that was to happen, cannot imagine it would be a happy one. I would not be able to work in what I do, we would have home repossessed and kids may have to move school. (its their education I worry about also). We would probably be down to choosing between eating and heating and desitute trapped in the welfare system.

I do feel they would be better without me now as i am a complete mess