Advice for Ox

[josu]

You would work a different job Ox, your life would not end, you would rent a house as close to school as you could get so they wouldnt have to move. I dont believe BR is necessary for you but i dont think it would be the end of the world either. You childrens lives would only be afected by you Ox, it is our job to make things as normal as possible. Lots of families change jobs, lose jobs, down size homes, go BR, life is very very hard but we carry on for our children.

[Ox1987]

How could you rent as credit rating would be shot....and I would not be earning straight away.

I am also not trained to do anything else that is what concerns me and also geting told I am over qualified

I do feel it would be the end of all of our lives I have not heard of families happy after a bankruptcy. I am not talking about money for extravgant things just making sure they are fed clothed warm and the occasional treat and birthday/Xmas. Maybe its me that is alone in thinking that and hence I think they would be better without me. Im am only 38 and feel like I have too much life left. I would just like to be happy again is that too much to ask

I agree life is very very hard and I have worked hard for all this to happen. I have 3 wonderful and beautiful kids and I feel I have let them down and ruined their lives. I feel livinig at home at the moment to be false as if we are squatting and I get complaints as I do nothing around the house

[josu]

I must admit Ox if you were my husband i would be finding it difficult but as i have said before i do not suffer from depression and therefore find it very hard to understand and feel myself wanting to say 'for gods sake pull yourself together' which i know is very wrong of me [:I] The thing is why would you know if people had been happy after BR, who is gonna go round bragging about it. Sometimes its inevitable but you deal with it and you move on. Of course you could rent, you can private rent (out of the newspaper) so no credit search is done. You can get someone to be your guarantee on a rental. Lots of people rent during an IVA or after BR. Im sorry but i do not think it would be fair for you to have a council house, they are for people that need them not for people on your kind of wage, especially if you had given your job up out of choice because you have had a melt down. Look at it from someone elses perspective, someone on your kind of wage, with relatively low debts talking about giving up your kids to give them a better life. No one would feel sorry for you Ox and your kids would not understand it when they got older, its absolute madeness!

[Ox1987]

I am talking about if I lost my job due to BR as that would happen. I am not going to give it up through a meltdown. I am just nervous that an IVA will not be accepted and I am not sure a DMP is a valid alternative as it would be far too long so I would have to go BR and lose the house/job. I would be homeless with the kids so would need to go to council for help. Where would my money come from to pay a private rental

I try not to moan and stress at home though I do just lie about watching TV etc

I dont want to lose my job but worried about the future in a major way I am just driven my the love of my kids and worry most about them

I think I am driven crazy by the BR threat I know as it is what has Plagued me since Xmas. Before I found the forum. I just spent days looking on web for information on BR and also for stories on experiencing it. I would also spend time looking at the council house pages and have looked at care agengies.
All madness as stated but the insane mind can get out of control

[Foggy]

OK Mark .. FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR KIDS ... you have to ignore these negative thoughts -- they will keep coming ( that is the bane of depression) but the meds will stop this.

FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR KIDS ... get your act together and recognise that your thought processes are far from rational at the moment and totally unrealistic.

FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR KIDS ... speak to Tina

This will pass.

[abbiesmum2003]

How much more is needed to get this IVA prepared and creditors meeting called?? Do something productive and get things in order so Mels team can proceed. Focus on being productive and doing something.

[josu]

I will keep answering your questions despite it all being very repetitive as i think you just need constant reasurance. If you knock 10k of your unsecured debts what are you left with? Not that much so a DMP would work and it would not be too long as you can play around with it along the way, put the payment up and the term donw once your wife starts work. It wouldnt be a valid route if you had alot higher debt but Ox your debts are not very high!!!! If you went BR it would be through choice or through a meltdown as it would certainly not be necessary for your situation so i still do not think a council house should be offered to you, as i believe you would have put yourself in that position and council houses should be for people with no choice not people on a good wage with average debts.You will get an IVA, maybe not the F&F but an IVA non the less but i fear you will still worry.

[Ox1987]

All I really apprecaite it I am in dark place at the moment.

I hate feeling like this it is driving me crazy

I know I should not throw the towel in but it is hard.

I love my kids so much it hurts

Tina I think has had enough of me over the last few weeks so I dont understand the value of calling her. I need to speak with the counselling person when I get the appointment to address my issues with fear etc I think

I think I would be happy with a F&F success now and would make it work its my best option. DMP unless payment increases net of 10k would be 11 years and thats if they freeze interest for that long.

[abbiesmum2003]

josu i think we need to avoid giving Ox alternative plans as he has been in deep chats with Mels team. They know full story of income/outgoings...even though he has posted alot about that on here we are not the professionals and I feel if he is given too many ideas it will confuse him even more.
Ox you need to fight the negative thoughts as hard as that can be they are whats holding you back from getting some sort of debt management completed be it IVA or F&F. Ox you must take a step back and look at it from where we are. And read this thread. Its very difficult to see situation when you are deep within it.
You earn a huge amount of money...ok its not what you used to earn but thats not done you any favours and once up sadly sometimes only way is down. Your debts are not massive. They are half your current annual income...for some on here their debts are double their joint income!!! Try dealing with that.
Mortgage is massive but affordable on current wages. Kids are happy. Wife is calm and handling life on a budget. Its just you Ox. You have to get a grasp on reality im aftaid . I know the depression is bad but its gonns prevent you from ever getting this dealt with. Youve checked that job is safe. They like you and will be supportive. Theres the car but payment is in iva. If they take it back have you built up a contingency of funds over the last few weeks from not paying creditors? you could maybe get a smaller economical runaround.
You are not going to end up on benefits in s council house with kids in care system! You have no idea how sny of that works! Kids dont just get handed in to social services when life gets tough and a new debtlesd family takes them
home!!! Unless you and your wife are drug takers and neglect/abuse them they will continue to live with you and wife. My MIL is foster parent and trust me not one of her msny children have entered the system because the high earning respectable parents had debts or for arguements sake went BR.
So you arent trained in snything else but your a grown man so youd go out and get snything that you could. My husband would stack shelves if it meant he had income.
Your family need you to get focussed and learn a different way of living.

[Shining]

Mark, in no way is this meant to sound like I'm trying to offload you to another forum but have you thought of joining a counselling forum/depression threads must exist and they'll have some self-help therapies maybe available for you to try. None of us here are experts as I keep saying. You really are on a roundabout and your wife is acting normal because that is what we do, carry on. We all had our doubts about the IVA and life within one isn't a bed of roses but let's be realistic I love my husband so much if he lost his job and we had to sell and live in a council house on an estate I'd go with him so we could be together and be a family.

My children wouldn't disown me either. Your lifestyle and mine are miles apart, I will never have what you have. I sit typing this in my bedroom, I moved into this house 19 years ago and still have the same wallpaper and the same carpet the previous owners left...does it bother me NOT a bit. I'm happy that's what is important to me...How then did I get into debt and into an IVA well have a read of my blog and some others and you'll see we're all individual and there is a multitude of reasons of why and how we dealt with it.

Do something proactive instead of keep writing the same thoughts down, change them to positives of when the IVA is accepted etc.,. Those thoughts won't go away but don't dwell on them, let Melanie do her stuff and have a look for some other forums. I know they exist as when my MIL got sectioned I had to ask for help on one.

[Hyperdrive]

Ox if you accept F&F is the best option let Tina know and then you can make some progress[:)]

[josu]

Abbiesmum i dont think you have read my posts properly, i am not giving Ox an alternative plan i am simply saying that there is no reason for him to even think about BR because if for some reason he could not get an IVA (which i think he will and i have said this) then he could quite easily do a DMP. It is an alternative to BR. I would never give him any advice against Mels i strongly believe in IVA's and i strongly believe he will get one. Saying this will not help Ox though as until he gets his IVA he will not believe he will get one so he still needs a back up plan for his own sanity. His back up plan can not be BR so should be a DMP. If you read my posts properly you will see this.

[josu]

Saying that Abbiesmum i do agree with everything else in your post, expecially the shelf stacking point. My husband would do this too if he had to and as i have said in one of my previous posts i went out three nights a week doing home care for the elderly. Not what i went to university for but it brought in some money and i was able to do it when my husband was at home with the children.

[abbiesmum2003]

Haha! Lesley your house sounds like mine! hehe! Because of the arrival of baby weve all moved around bedrooms to accomodate baby so now myself and husband have eldest daughters room (her snd our 4yo now share the master bedroom as its bigger!) but we have her pink walls and carpet...Hot pink i might add because we cant afford to redecorate! haha!! but we dont care because the girls rooms are lovely! we hope to redecorate in next year or so if can save/do on the cheap!! But you can bet that we will still be in the pink room in 5 years!!! Kitchen is a mess but never been a good time to rip out a kitchen so thats now on hold too until 2018!!! haha!!!
Im frantically tidying up as got 10 ladys coming round tonight for a catch up (easier than trying to leave baby just yet!!)
Sorry Ox! Slightly off topic! Lesleys right Ox and that you must learn that the house isnt everything. I will never have your level of income or size property but i have a totally devoted husband who loves me and the most amazing girls who mske me proud everyday. We woukd live anywhere as long as we were together.

[abbiesmum2003]

Yes josu that makes more sense. BR is not his alternative if iva gets declined (which wont happen anyway!).