Advice for Ox

[Shining]

You're not going down that BR route and why not make that a banned word. Let's focus on a positive aspect each day and today is the Communion. My daughter went to Catholic school (although we are not Catholics) and had a wonderful education.

[Ox1987]

It is lesley and its not the route chosen but more a route I fear being forced down but will try and ban it
Primarly is so I dont lose my job and career as I have been told I do look at BR to darkly also and we would survive it and kids would be ok but lets not go there I want to try and keep family home if possible

Pangs of anexity are getting stronger again

Communion is Sunday

[josu]

What my IP told me right at the start of my IVA was that in the grand scheme of things my debts were not that important to my creditors and they waste money chasing them so will quite happily tie them up into an IVA. Obviously to us our debts are massive but to the creditors we are just tiny fish in a big pond. Think what you have already paid them in interest, they are not really losing by agreeing to the IVA. Then there is the fact that they often sell them off cheap to a debt company (this does not affect your IVA) Im not sure of the reasons why an IVA is rejected but i know it doesnt happen often and just about never to Mel. I cant wait to get your good news when yours is accepted. Then you have to put it all behind you, budget so you dont get yourself into trouble and get on with your life.

[Ox1987]

Thanks

I suppose in the grand scheme of things I have too much life left to lead and kids to look after to let debts (and a smaller one in comparison) ruin it.

Nothing is going to kill me and no one is going to take my children off me and in this day and age we will not starve and be homeless (i hope). I just have to deal with it and then get on with my life.
I have a loving family, my parents support us and have friends something not everyone is blessed with. At present I am in a good job (hope not to lose it) and we can make things be ok

Got to get BR out of my head (easier said than done) let meds kick in and take counselling. I have options and should count myself lucky in some ways. I have to stop this constant fear it will lead to a nervous breakdown.

Strange feeling though I often have is that it makes me feel like such a bad person and almost criminal. That is a hard feeling especially when my job I am a professional, it makes me feel guilty. When I spend money now I feel guilty as if it really is not mine

[josu]

Well that part i can relate to, the feeling of constant guilt. I have a very controlling mother who has never had a pennies worth of credit in her life and thinks everything is criminal. She constantly tells us what we should and shouldnt be doing with our money and she doesnt even know about the IVA. Imagine if she did [xx(] So even though we are four and half years in i am constantly in fear that she will find out and im 30 for goodness sake!!

[Ox1987]

Bit worse today again woke up ok at first but it creeped back in my head asking are we going to have to go bankrupt that is still repeating in my head. Though I am told there is no reason for then to refuse the IVA even the F&F

Am I the only person on here that thinks I will go bankrupt am I being to drastic

I am trying to have a positive weekend but finding it very hard and if we lost everything it would be my fault. Got visitors tonight and will have to try and forget it. Wish I could i feel a bit sick
Kids are running around happy and playing I dont want that ruined

I feel we are goung to have to be false to wifes sister tonight as they now nothing about the debt

[Hyperdrive]

Ox you will not go bankrupt.
Your IVA or F&F will be successful.
My biggest concern for you at the moment is the weather ! It`s absolutely pouring down here - i hope it`s good for your celebrations tomorrow wherever you are.
Enjoy the weekend[:)]

[abbiesmum2003]

Ox this has to stop! Yesterday youd swept the BR thoughts away and were sounding positive that IVA will be accepted. You have to stop going round in circles everyday.
The creditors dont give a toss about you missing a payment. They have hundreds of others to chase. You are not their only client missing payments. You do not need to worry. The little man that calls us doesnt have a say. He just has a list of people to call. He probably doesnt even know what an IVA is. You dont need to worry about if missed payments affects their decision.
As for the being false....do they know about your debts? Did they know about your finances 3-6 months ago? Do you know about their finances/debts? I highly doubt it. So wheres the acting false come into it? No one ever talks about their finances....its our downfall! So if you dont know about their issues surely theyre being fslse to you too?? Does it even matter? Maybe if you admit to stuff they might reveal theyve got problems too! You just never know. You said yesterday youve found out family/friends had ivas...they didnt tell you so they have lived a lie and been false with you but does it matter to you? Will it affect your friendship negatively? Ive told some very close friends who i trust and its really helped as theyve confessed theyve got DMP or IVAs! everyone is in the same boat Ox. All got debts. All swamped by costs of living increasing faster than incomes. But we are the strong ones and responsible ones who are admitting to our debts and doing something about them. You are doing this for the children. To make their lives better. To start afresh and learn from it. I know people getting deeper and deeper into drbts and brushing it inder the carpet. Theyre the ones who will suffer/struggle and maybe even eventually end up BR.
My point Ox is that you arent being anymore false than the rest of the population but you are being responsible and saying enoughs enough i need to get this sorted for the sake of my health/family.
You need to stop thinking about it. Get up get drsssed havd breakfast with your family and join in with their games! Forget the debt. Forget the iva. and for goodness sake forget BR.

[Ox1987]

I am in the midlands near coventry no rain yet but very overcast

I just struggle to get things out my head I dont want to lose everything and make the kids unhappy its so nice seeing them running around happy though I have them tidying up at the moment

Abbiesmum I am up for once feeding baby and cleaning lounge ready for communion tmw

[Hyperdrive]

I spent 3 years living in Brum at Aston Uni.
My son (games designer) has introduced me to an awesome new pc game Back to the Future, its quite incredible.

[abbiesmum2003]

thats good Ox! Ive got my 3 month old asleep on my lap in a really awkward fashion and im so uncomfortable but cant move because got 4 year old leaning on me so looks like im stuck for a little while....hubbys just bought me a cuppa before he goes to work....hoping theres a bacon sandwich on its way too!!!

[abbiesmum2003]

Im not far from you Ox...about 15 miles from Northampton! Havent dared open curtains yet today. Fed up looking at grey skies! My 4 year old asked 'what is summer' yesterday! Says it all!!

[Hyperdrive]

Abbiesmum I`m in the North East and on Wednesday it was 4 when I went to do the shop banking. I actually thought it was snowing before I realised it was blossom off the trees[:(!]

[Ox1987]

Abbiesmum I am probably between cov and northampton reckon im probably not far from northmpton 20 miles ish are you north or south

Saints new home for George North great welsh winger
Rugby fan I am and its ironic as well ???

[abbiesmum2003]

Im naff with direction...i think im south! lol! between northampton and i guess bedford. Its flippin freezing! Im yet to pack away the girls 'winter' coats because reckon we might still need them!