Advice for Ox

[josu]

Well soon you will be sorted and then you will be on here answering other peoples questions i assure you. If i had discovered this forum before entering into my IVA i would have been locked off too! [:I] I didnt discover it until half way in. I think you only get your threads ended because they become so very long, which isnt your fault people dont have to respond but they do. Just keep starting new threads with different questions. They wont lock you out for that its just if one particulr thread seems to have run its course i think.

[Hyperdrive]

The first steps are the most daunting, but they`re worth it and it gets easier the further you go [;)]

[abbiesmum2003]

Ox you dont need to 'man up' depression is a horrible condition which can affect anybody at anytime. It is as debilitating as many medical condition but sadly overlooked and undertreated as 'unseen'. You have been to GP and admitted to it which is a massive step. I imagine you have suffered for a long time and by juggling money/family it has only got worse. You are in a vicious circle...depression from managing debt but because of worry about debts youve got more depressed. This csn be difficult to reverse but it can be done. The citalopram can take 4-6 weeks to have an affect and it may not be the right one for you but you need to give it a significant trial time to get effects. Once you can focus and rationalise your thoughts it will all look a lot clearer. I know you are posting and going round in circles but I believe alot of your posts are simply your thoughts in writing and you arent actually writing to us. Instead of posting all the time can you try writing stuff down in a notebook so wife/dr can see true extent of your worrys if you find it difficult to talk?? Posting here is great as you can find people who have gone through what you are and can offer support. People dont admit to debt problems so chsnces are your friends are in debt but too embarrassed to admit to it or to deal with it. You are taking responsibility and will pay back what you can afford. Thiswill make for a better life for your children. I know you worry about the future and your salary. If its possible that you may lose job in a year then at least you have a budget and a plan. Imagine what state you would be in if you lost job next year AND still had massive monthly debt repayments? So logical tells us that things will be better and manageable with the F&F or a plain iva. We all have looked at I&E and thought christ thats tight to live on but for us its a hell of a better budget than when paying £1200 a month on debt repayments!!! Look at what you spend on debts now and what Mels proposing...its got to be better than your current situation.
Im going off track now...sorry!! Anyway, you dont need to man up Ox. Until depression is treated you will not be your usual rational/logical self and all we tell you will not ring true. Keep on the meds and be honest with GP. Depression isnt a sign of weakness its because youve tried to be strong for so long. Share the burden Ox. Talk about your feelings with your wife/us/tina/GP. Dont bottle stuff up and get so deep into depression you start to look for another 'way out' (If you know what i mean).
Take care Ox

[Ox1987]

I have been there Abbiesmum already about three weeks ago thought about it with a large kitchen knife the issue is that it is affecting everything family life work etc etc

[Hyperdrive]

Hi Ox, you made a follow-up appointment with your GP to see how the treatment is going?

[Ox1987]

Going to try and get one for latet today

[Hyperdrive]

I think that would be a very positive step Mark.

[Tina Shortland]

Ox - it will not always feel like this, you are right in the middle of the uncertain part which is the worst. Once you have something more concrete to hold onto you can start rebuilding your focus on other things.

The texts are absolutely fine, its what I'm here for....and besides, I have it on silent before 7.30am so you're ok!!!

[abbiesmum2003]

Ox are the issues with depression more than just about your debts? Have you ever been in this depression in the past? If youve had intentions to end your life and leave your family without a husband/father is an iva gonna be the end of your depression or are there other things going on? I am genuinely concerned about you mark. I have worked with people with these thoughts and intentions. There is support there for you. Go and see your GP and discuss what happened a few weeks ago. GPs can brush things aside infortunately. Insist on referrals to other services if you feel this is what you need. Locally there may be support groups or community nurses who can be there if things get bad and you cant get to see the Dr. Dont suffer in silence Ox with these thoughts. Im sure your family dont give a toss about your income/house...they want you. We live in a rundown terrace but its home. The kids love it coz its a happy home. Its not big its not modern its not tidy but its ours. Your family would live...and be happy...in another house if needs be but they would want you to be there not in a hole in the ground. Thats solves nothing. Would leave your wife utterly devastated. Your boys without a father to play football with and your little girl no one to wrap round her little finger!!!
I hope you can see GP today. How are things progressing with your IVA...is a date set yet??

[Ox1987]

I think some of it may stem back to when we lost a daughter in 2007 and maybe its all caught up with me now. I was the only one to see her with her eyes open and I had to support the whole family since, I think the drive to make sure everyone was happy has lead to this point and then we had our second boy and though we love him to bits, there was still something missing so we tried and got the girl, obviously three kids stretches things but I would not be without any of them and I know that the sucidal thoughts are stupid, I have spoken to samaritans about it and that helped.
I also think its an element of fear around that I am the main breadwinner and the pressure of that and that it has to continue and now my confidence has taken a battering I was the most confident person anyone knew but now thats gone

I dont think at the moment I am there anymore just need to be able to function better as I am struggling with that, mind is constantly on the problem, not focussing on other important things like kids etc

[Tina Shortland]

Ox - Are you wearing your elastic band?

[Ox1987]

yes

[Tina Shortland]

Remember, snap and focus on something else. Go easy though, don't want to get red welts on inside of your wrists! You've got some lovely family things coming up, divert your love and focus on those around you.

[Ox1987]

Am trying to Tina but hard
Speak soon hopefully nice to hear your kind voice and words

[luluj]

Great advice from Tina - focus on the positives