Advice for Ox

[Ox1987]

does anyone have any good cognitive ideas for me its the big day and all i can think about is the debt and the worry about losing everything.

Am i overreacting I am really concerned as things feel in limbo and anything could happen. Scared of the worst and that we lose everything.

Everyone is acting happy the kids etc and I have still got panic attacks

I woke up today very stressed again, why is this happening to me it cant be normal.

I love seeing the kids happy and Dylan looks so smart in his communion suit and is very excited but the unknown future is terrifying me I am fed up feeling like this when the family are trying to be happy and have a nice day.

I have tried to not mentioned the other word here that I fear but I cant get it out my head still. Did anyone else fear that as much as me. Why do I have that problem

[luluj]

Ox - you need to have a good day...you need to forget the money issues today and focus on your son and your family.

You are really torturing yourself mate - the paperwork has now been submitted to your IP for an IVA - they would not be doing this if they feel it was not a solution for you and your family.

Please forget it all, go and spruce yourself up, have a fantastic day and be a proud father

[Ox1987]

Thanks Luluj you do really help and I do really appreciate you and this forum, I know i use this thread in a strange way but feel i have made friends with 5/6 of you who are helping.

I feel i am torturing myself every day and understand the anguish people go through I hope one day I may be able to help on here IF we get through this.

At the moment I fear everything and the process takes a bit so feel leaves me in limbo

I have to try and get on but its hard when I still cant see a safe way through in my own mind but that is probably the depression that convinces me we are going to have to go BR and lose everything I know its only bricks and mortar but it is the family home and I would like to keep it if I can. I keep thinking today could be our last event here I know thats stupid thinking

Even sillier is the fact that I was thinking of starting to empty house etc

[Ox1987]

Well very proud of the boy he did really well and looked good in his suit

I shed a tear in pride but a little bit in worry as-well thinking that forward 4 years and 8 years when we have the other two and that scared me as I don't know where we will be and what would have become of us.
Time seems a long time at the moment and worried about everything we have a busy house at the moment full of life and I don't want to lose that feeling of happiness over debt It scared me a lot and made me question how we will get out of this safely and in one piece. Will the IVA work, will the F&F work, I don't want to think about the other option as it freaks me out

Off out to Dinner soon to celebrate if I can hold myself together

[Shining]

So pleased to hear and so glad he looked so nice.

Hold yourself together and enjoy your dinner out.

[Ox1987]

I am he is having so much fun and has got enough money to buy himself an ipod touch he wanted

I cant lose this and end up on the dole or something it will a diaster I am being frugal with the communion but he is still enjoying it

[Hyperdrive]

Happy days [8D]

[Ox1987]

It has been and i hope this wont be the last i really do feel strongly that we are being responsible and acting on our debts but i really hope it works out and we can move on as a family

[Hyperdrive]

Yes you are Ox, doing exactly that and you should be feeling proud for what you are doing not guilty

[Shining]

so glad he's enjoying it. You enjoy it and stop worrying!

[Foggy]

Glad it's going well, Mark. The next celebrations will be as good.

[luluj]

If I were your wife I would confiscate your phone and stop you posting on here ... Get off and be with your family ... Finish the day off all together !

[Shining]

Couldn't agree more with Luluj: when you're at work or relaxing at home try and refrain from thinking about the IVA. I know it can take over your life as when we first investigated one, I wanted to talk IVA IVA IVA and my husband didn't so it did cause friction...however five years on. I'm still on the forum and he still plods along.

[Ox1987]

The issue is its not IVA IVA that has become obsessional with me its Bankruptcy this plagues my mind morning noon and night and the implications of it on my family. I know with the F&F IVA it will be over and we then have to budget without credit. But I don't have a clue what would happen to my lovely family if we went bankrupt. I look at the dark side and think that it will destroy my family as I would be unable to work in what I do, we would lose the house and probably some of our possessions either by OR or having to get rid as we would not be able to store them. Also worried about impact on schooling as if we are homeless I would not be able to get them to school. Its all about the kids and the impact on them. I have a 7 month old who has a very uncertain future that is not a good way to start a life. The wife is constantly calling her princess and she is laughing etc unaware of anything and the 4 year old is too young to understand too and is a happy chap. The 8 year old understands a bit and knows its a bit tough for Mummy and Daddy, but also has said he wants us to stay together and doesn't want a new M&D. He does play up a bit but is generally good. I have been told that considering life without them or them in care is ridiculous and i do agree but its hard as I constantly blame myself for getting into debt

Everyone is still happy from yesterday and actually as I type this I don't have the pangs of anxiety but am finding myself needing a cheap beer or two to help me sleep. I know they probably don't mix well with the meds

I also find it hard to do anything even go to work and feel its wrong to continue when the creditors are not getting paid

I do in my sane moments think surely on my salary and level of debt that I don't have to go BR, but then it constantly worries me as I do see people go BR with my level of debt. This is why I go round in circles as it has become obsessional worry mainly due to the kids

This is why life has become a torture for me everyday at the moment and I can see why people take drastic measures to escape from it, I won't as I hope I am stronger and the love for my children, who would be without a daddy. Honestly if i thought we would survive and eventually be happy after BR then I would probably stress a bit less, but all i see is jobless, homeless and destitute

Why am I like this, I hate myself for feeling like this torture and the risk I am putting on the kids that we will lose our home over debt that is my fault, would they hate us for that in the future. It does make me just want to cry and give up.......

[Hyperdrive]

All I can offer Ox is my own experience of depression. I hated every waking minute of my life. I used to crave sleep to get away from the thoughts, but when I woke the dread would come crashing down again. I felt completely worthless and wished I was dead.
But it was a sickness and it was cured and now I am in an IVA, I still have all that debt, but I am happy because I am back in control.
Your lack of self esteem, guilt, fear of BR are the result of the illness, not real.
How are the meds going?