Advice for Ox

[Ox1987]

I am taking the meds but I think they may not have kicked it yet waiting for my counselling appt too

I hate feeling like this and too wish I was dead sometimes but I know that would be worse for the kids and the wife. I just wish I could know what is going to happen to us as I know I am torturing myself with this and struggle with everyday at the moment

[Hyperdrive]

You are making progress Ox - you`ve sent all the paperwork in, and you`ve decided the IVA route is the way, so now compared to say a week ago that is very positive.
And the meds and counselling will sort out the illness.
From here everything looks to be is falling into place, it`s just that you can`t see it that way[;)]

[Ox1987]

But hyper you probably seen alot of cases on here and seen my budget
Do you think I can avoid BR and also keep my home
Also I should see the iva positively but I cant

[IVANotOverYet]

font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica">quote:<hr height="1" noshade>Originally posted by Ox1987

I am taking the meds but I think they may not have kicked it yet waiting for my counselling appt too

And they never will if you keep on with the beers. All you're doing is counteracting the effect of the SSRIs.

If you're going to rely on pills to have an effect, stop knocking them out with alcohol.

[Shining]

We are not professionals or experts in the Insolvency world most of our are just people who are or have been in debt, we cannot give reassurance of what will happen only a professional can give you an idea of that it would be wrong of us to say for definite this will happen or that would happen. Talk to Melanie if you want case specific advice Ox.

[Ox1987]

I thought that as I wrote it I am just in a bit of a panicked state again today, seems to happen after I have a good day, which it was got some good photos to cherish but I slept well but was thinking how many more good days can we have left. Looked at some old photos aswell as I uploaded to facebook and made me sad and cry seeing the kids so happy
The whole thing is really terrifying me and I feel I am very abnormal. I fear BR so much but actually I cannot see who it would benefit neither us or the creditors. Really worried about the practical side of it like if we lost house where would we live, where would we get money to feed children etc. This is how I then get to them being taken off us. I am so scared it paralyses me. I feel all I want to do is stay in bed and sleep it all away.

I will try and lay off the beers but they seem to help me sleep better and I only had some yesterday as it was the Sons Communion. Next one in 4 years time hopefully things might be better then but that scares me really also. Next celebration would be Daughters 1st Birthday in October, not sure what will happen between now and then

Again I am so young and so are the kids has our life really been destroyed by debt. I thought there was always a solution. I also did have someone call me dont know how he got number trying to convince me that BR was the best option, easy really and they would help me do it for a fee. That freaked me out
I know I am really torturing myself and probably annoying you guys but I as a professional (dont feel like one in the situation) I cannot talk to anyone about it and have noone else to talk to.

[Hyperdrive]

You`re not annoying anyone Ox, noone has to reply if they don`t want to.

[Ox1987]

I know Hyperdrive just think I do with my constant worries
I should not have asked your opinion on what will happen to us.

I just finding it hard to concentrate on anything today and the unknown is worrying me silly
I am suprised this thread has not be closed it would be my own fault

[Shining]

Nobody will close the thread unless it becomes judgemental against you or another poster. We can support/listen and offer an ear to listen but not give case specific advice that's up to your IP.

You're not annoying anyone, if they don't want to read your thread/post they don't have to. We obviously choose to read it and reply.

I don't understand the insolvency world, I've had a 60 month IVA which has now concluded. I don't understand depression either and don't claim to. If it helps for you to post then do so but unfortunately, we won't have all the answers you want to hear.

[Ox1987]

Thanks Lesley I feel I am a nightmare and making the whole thing worse for myself. Debt I think is common in this climate and often I assume people are not doing anything about it. I am trying to but finding it very hard as I dont really want to lose my home and also my career. I worry about the kids and everything else. Sometimes I just dont want to be here anymore, I know this is the depression and know it is deeper than the debt.
Sometimes I just need a little bit of reassurance and also I thinking I am seeking the answers to what will happen if the worst does. I just want to be happy again and at this moment that seems impossible.

I feel like i am squatting in my own home, also having a 3rd child whilst in debt was that irresponsible (wanted to try for Girl after losing one previous)

[Shining]

We can give you reassurance Ox and if it helps do keep posting but don't hinder yourself if it doesn't. You can add Frugal friends through your profile and if they do the same you can converse off forum if that helps.

You're healthy, you've 3 healthy children and I'm sure a beautiful caring wife, what more can a man want...your debt will be resolved, give it that bit of time needed. x

[Ox1987]

In a strange way it does help but I know it annoys the wife when I am on it.
I understand the point im healthy 3 healthy kids etc etc but I feel i need to make sure they and us are fed and have a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs. Things I feel at present I cannot guarantee past a month or so.

[Shining]

then take each month at a time, I had to do that the whole time I was in an IVA. My daughter is a very clever girl and went to a select school, lots of other parents were wealthy etc., we struggled through her time there, she went to 6th form and is now at uni. I always felt she was the only one who was affected by our IVA. My first payment outside the IVA has gone to her in its entirety and she is saving this until November when we are going abroad for a family wedding.

[abbiesmum2003]

Ox we have also suffered loss through multiple miscarriage at various stages of pregnancy. We never wanted a third child as couldnt deal with loss again...never found out cause. But baby took us by surprise. And as 'irrseponsible' as it was to have a baby in less than ideal circumstances I do feel that she has saved us from inevitable BR. We were living in the OD and on CC and at times woukd spend wages on CC payments then be short for utilities/CT and mortgage do they too then went on a CC!! By facing the year on maternity pay we were forced to look at money and that led is to the iva. I firmly believe baby has saved our bacon because without her we would still be plodding along with heads in the sand.
Life is so much better now. Im happier (had Post natal depression with number 2 due to the stress of getting her) I can have longer off work and see number 2 start school and feed baby for longer without pressure of early weaning due to work. My husband is happier because he know longer is inundated with texts from bsnk snd having to leave work to move money around because somethings due. I dont know what the future holds for us or any one. I know we are stuck in this house for next 5-6 years and probably longer as wont get a mortgage for a while. But i also know without the third unexpected baby and the iva we were probably heading into serious BR territory.
The loss of a child must have been devastating and im not surprised you have struggled with depression but you have been blessed with three healthy happy children who need you. Your wife needs you.
You must stop mixing the AD with alcohol. Its a depressant. Might be why you feel naff in the mornings. You will be ok Ox.

[Ox1987]

I struggle to take each month at a time especially when I fear everything from losing house and losing job etc. Its hard to live like that in fear of everything (this is what the counselling will fix i hope) and to have 3 healthy Happy kids not knowing what is going to happen to them is driving me crazy.

I did try and cheer myself up yesterday as every since I can remember I have always had a British Lions top for the tour and this year due to the circumstances I thought it would be the first time in probably 16 years I would not have one. However the wife told me to buy one with my ebay funds i had from sales as she felt i should not suffer and get one. I wont be able to watch it though as we got rid of SKY