Advice for Ox

[Denise.gn]

[quote]Originally posted by Hyperdrive

Hi Ox, you done well today with sorting the counselling. I had some good news today on the medical front - my blood tests are clear, well almost, but the main thing is I`m not looking at another 7 week stint in hospital so Happy Days and we bought some wine.
How`s your evening?
I noticed you said you have a few things to do?


Well done hyper.d. hope you enjoyed your wine xx

[Ox1987]

Its early and I am really finding it hard to sleep or function
I feel I am back to square one in my head I am stressed about every little bit of it again. Im worried about BR worried the IVA wont get accepted worried about the budget post IVA worried about the kids
Worried about what will become of us
I dont think I can recover from this the debt problem has taken me over the meds dont seem.to be working and the counselling is not until 10th June

Want to give up in every way my kids are happy how can I live with myself if I ruin that

[Hyperdrive]

Take one step at a time Ox and you will get there and feel better.
Getting those few bits of paperwork together and sent off could be your objective today towards beating your BR depression.

[Ox1987]

I am trying but really struggling with everything feel there is no hope anymore I am back worried about everything. I cannot move with fear. Even work feels like a chore to go to
I want to ensure my kids are safe and dont feel I can do that at the moment.
I feel we are heading for BR in major way and lose everything
I have too much life left to lead to let this destroy this surely

The wife has expressed concerns for the first time today about the fact that ok if we sort the debts out, will that be the end as she is concerned about me holding down a job and if I lose this one will I struggle to get another with the IVA on my file.

[debt tired]

I thought you said you were only on a 12 month contract anyway?

I don't see why you think having an IVA "on file" will ruin your career - the only file it will be on is the Insolvency Register and I doubt very much that any new employer would start checking out any future employee, and if CIMA are OK with it, why would anyone else object? The whole point of an IVA is that it is NOT bankruptcy, and only t5hat would impact on your job.

Lastly, even if you were to go bankrupt you could still work. My husband used to be an accountant, got made redundant and was out of work for a year (and I was only working part time bringing in pin money at the time). He ended up moving into Quantity Surveying, which uses similar skills. He was quite a bit older than you when he made the career change, and has not needed any further qualifications. There is always an alternative Ox - if you must think the worst, put a Plan B in place.

[Ox1987]

I am but they always may be opportunity to extend it, I am getting very positive feedback at the moment and hence I dont want to ruin that by going BR.
Had conversations today with my life coach friend and he says that I definately look at the negatives too much and will suggest some tasks to help me focus on what is important. I have told him to me the most important thing is my 3 children and their safety and happiness. This is my job to do and also my main concern/worry

[luluj]

And you wife Ox - she too is going through this and needs the support of her loving husband - she may not be showing the stress you clearly are, but underneath she will be just as concerned....support each other, one day at a time, one hour at a time ...you will soon know the outcome of the IVA - not many more weeks now until your date will be set and the decision made ....you know you can do this..you just need to get yourself into the positive mode rather than always the negative and the what if's !

[Ox1987]

I know luluj but I dont understand what to do if its a negative outcome I know thats looking at the negative but that the bit driving me mad with 3 kids and a loving wife

[Foggy]

Sit down, Mark, and count your blessings --ignore anything else!

[Shining]

Now have a think what you will do if it's a positive outcome as that is more than probable!

[Ox1987]

Sorry lesley what does your end bit say and mean

And Foggy what does yours mean
Everyone seems to think we can be fine no matter what but I cant see it especially if we lose everything

[luluj]

Don't deal with the what if's now ...focus on when it is approved ..... dwelling on the what if's will just continue to bring you down ....you must focus on the positives ....you really are not helping yourself Ox - I know how tough it is - I have been there ....like other forum members ...but I survived ...survived because I was positive, and focused on the can do attitude rather than the can't do ...you really do need to pull yourself together and focus x

[Shining]

probable - Adjective - Likely to be the case or to happen.

likely to be a positive outcome rather than a negative one.

[Ox1987]

I agree but find it very hard when I have the 3 kids lives to worry about

[Shining]

have you been given any time indication of when a meeting will take place?