Advice for Ox

[Ox1987]

i need to focus on the family and try to be positive, there is no reason why this IVA will not be accepted and we can move on to debt freedom
I cannot let this ruin my life and destroy my relationships
Wife understands my depression but I think she wants me to stop wallowing and help where all i ask for is help also.

I feel like I have let so many people down and especially my kids

[luluj]

Ox ....you have not let anyone down. If you had let them down then you would not have sought help and would be burying your head in the sand continuing to rob peter to pay paul ....

Today reading the posts from others, I can hear their frustrations .... you have been given so much help and reassurance over the weeks here on the forum - please re-read all of the posts of reassurance, support and guidance - there are a whole host of possible self help channels that may help with your depression - Mind, CAB, Samaritans etc etc ....so many people are there to help and want to help - but you need to let them in to do just that.

Your wife as I have said deep down will be just as distraught as you - but somehow she manages to continue with her routine - probably because of the children - those children that are your life and you would do anything for them - stop thinking about the negatives, focus on the positives.

I too am like Lesley at the end of posting on this thread - whatever we seem to say you clearly are not taking it on board - I appreciate depression effects people differently, but please all I ask is that you let your IP do their job, you talk things through with your wife and you focus on the children and your employment - they are the things to focus on ...nothing else.

I sincerely hope your IVA is prepared and heard very soon for you, but until then I feel I am at the end of the advice and support I can offer you. Take care.

[Ox1987]

Luluj

I do listen but my depression does not.
Please dont leave me I value you and lesley as friends since I have been on here and particularly use your kick up the bum daily to get me through I am sorry if it gets repetative but I am stressed about the kids future not really in an iva but if worse tonight I am with the family watching tv having fun

[admin]

Hi. We feel that this thread has now reached the point at which we can no longer keep it open as nothing more can be added.

Posters have been unstinting in their help and we are very grateful for the vast amount of generosity they have so freely given in support but as the saying goes 'you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink !'

Enough is enough and this thread will be locked tomorrow.

[Ox1987]

I am sorry you feel that way and would you prefer it if I left the forum.
I know it has been repetitive but it has helped me having the support of my few friends on here.
I have very little people to talk to about this and I know I was using the wrong way but thats why it was moved to the bottom section I thought.
I am sorry that I have found it hard to deal with my issues I have sought help professionally but struggle with things. I am only human and worry about my kids etc

[lem]

I don't think anyone expects or indeed wants you to leave the forum Ox but your posts now are expressing exactly the same as they were weeks ago so whatever advice and help people are offering is not helping you at all.

I actually worry that once your iva is approved it will not offer you the relief you are hoping for and you will then spend the next 5 years posting about how worried you are it is all going to go wrong any minute and you will still end up having to go bankrupt, lose the house kids etc, no matter what advice people offer, you can't seem to accept it and take it on board so I'm afraid I do agree with admin that this thread is not helping you.

But please don't leave the forum, there is much to be gained by hanging around x

[Ox1987]

So lem how can i stop this it is really hurting me that I only see one way out
please also btw my IVA is a fixed and final one so it would not be 5 years hopefully

[Foggy]

Mark, don't leave the forum, but DO follow your GP's and Counsellor's advice (when it comes)and FIGHT the depression ... that is the only thing holding you back right now.

[lem]

I really don't know Ox, nothing anyone says to you makes any difference, despite all the knowledge and experience that people have on this great forum, you refuse to believe any of it and seem to believe you are the only one in the world that this has ever happened to and that for some bizarre reason your creditors are going to treat you as some special case and they are going to make you bankrupt, make you lose your home and remove your kids from you, nothing anyone says makes a difference, believe me, to your creditors you are just another number, nothing more.

[Ox1987]

Eureka when you put it like that i does sound ridiculous. I do know deep down that no matter what I am a good dad and they will not remove my kids from me.

bear in mind 6 months ago i was a completely different person, something has snapped in me

[lem]

http://www.iva.co.uk/forum/topic.asp?wh ... 476#514545

Have a read of the thread above Ox what carpettoaster has posted, the depths of despair he felt and how things are great for him now.

One thing I will say for us is that an iva with mels team was the best thing we ever did, my life is so much better, my kids are happy and content, I am happy and content ( and I suffer with depression and am on meds myself) and we should have done it years ago, even though we are in an iva now, we have more money to live than we had before and than half of our friends have (that aren't in Ivas but are in severe debt and can't seem to acknowledge it)

Life is good, and I couldn't care less about a trashed credit rating, life without credit is so much simpler. Being in an iva makes you appreciate the things that really matter in life, taking our kids for a walk along a small river bank locally we never knew existed before and finding frogs and frogspawn, they thought it was amazing! And it was totally free!, these are the things that matter, spending time with your family, not money on them, creating memories, good memories for their future, that's all that is important

[Ox1987]

Thanks lem i am sure we can do it and have to for the sake of the kids.

I am sure I am not the only one on here with 3 kids and wont be the last.

I need to give the kids some time over the BH and then put the IVA into the home straight

Hopefully the counselling will help me overcome my fears, I know the wife is frustrated at me but also i dont think she really understands my despair

[Denise.gn]

Ox, I think you need to expedite your counselling appt and also go back to your gp asap. I am not a professional in mental health but have plenty of personal and family experience of this awful condition, and you really are displaying all the signs of severe depression. You need face to face interaction with a healthcare professional and be completely open and transparent with them. I do feel for you, but you are going to make yourself very ill if the levels of stress and anxiety contine to escalate as they have been doing. There is so much help out there, use it. Get back to your gp, get them to expedite your counselling, phone sane, they are wonderful and can help you. Use the time tomorrow to do the above. Talking things through with a professional will help you. You just need this support now, not next month. X

[Ox1987]

I am sorry all for how I have been I am trying to recover but it is hard I think I know deep down the iva woll get approved as BR for us is no benefit to the creditors
I just worry much about my children and seem to have this idea that they will get taken from us.
I must say admins comment I did fine a bit hurtful but that must be the depresaion.
I cant let the depression take over as I have to work otherwise we are screwed and I need to focus on tje iVA