Advice for Ox

[Shining]

Focus on positive not negatives. Have you heard of NLP. Might be worth looking at Neuro-Linguistic Programming just have a google. I'm not trained in the use of but some of my colleagues are but I do touch on it in lessons in respect of motivational techniques.

[Ox1987]

Thanks Lesley

I think I do tend to always focus on the negatives and looking back I always have done.
I just want to be able to move on and enjoy my family, but fear rejection of the IVA too much and also the impact of it post IVA
Everyone has tried to reassure me but sometimes I feel a fraud trying to maintain a professional career with all these hidden problems in the background.

[Shining]

Don't feel a fraud lots of professionals on the forum. Look where Andy Davie is now and he was in an IVA!

[Ox1987]

How many really senior accountants though ??? Thats what troubles me.

I am extremely stressed today trying to snap my elastic band, I am concerned about rejection of the IVA and where that would leave us. I am also regarding working as a professional with an IVA on my record. I am having meeting put in my diary for the whole year yet I am unsure I will even be here depending on the outcomes. I am also back worried about the kids future, which I know is round in circles but I can't help it.

How good really is our offer, I am so stressed about it, and feel so guilty about getting into this situation. I feel so stuck in limbo

[josu]

If your F&F IVA gets rejected you do an regular IVA. You get rid of the lease car. You have already checked with Cima, its all good and in how many interviews have you been asked about IVA's? Probably never. An IVA is a life line i feel very very lucky to have got one and be nearly at the end of it. You job is not the be all and end all surely, if you ended up renting a cottage and working an admin job could you not be happy with your family? Im not saying this will ever happen but do you see my point. What i did to bring that extra couple of hundered pounds in at the start of my IVA when my baby was only two months old was work a couple of evenings a week on home care in my village. Something i have never done before, i am fully qualified in something completely opposite but i did it and im glad i did and im proud of myself. Does it all have to be on your shoulders? Does your wife get involved with the finances and talk through it e.t.c i think you are trying to do too much and be too much and your expectations of yourself are too high!!!ou are doing your best, you have a good job, you love your family, your debts are not that high, give yourself a break this is all fixable but you are letting it ruin your life.

[Ox1987]

I know i feel I am definately letting it ruin my life your last line I will try and treat as a reminder to me.
I have not been asked about and IVA before now.
I am just questioning myself whether we have coped financially up to now or has it all been a lie as the CC must have been the fall backs so without them can we survive on the budget.
I would honestly be happy as long as my family stay together, they are happy, roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on their backs and the occasional treat for the kids. Its the not doing that that is obsessing my mind

[Hyperdrive]

Ox, how do the monthly repayments currently made to service your debt compare to a future possible IVA monthly payment ? Have you got that far yet?

[Ox1987]

This is the piece I think is missing and not understood fully it is obviously alot lower but what has actually happened is also I have took a big pay cut but I was out of work so it was better than nothing and the market is crap so actually I cannot afford to pay them at all at the moment without drastically cutting back on everything including food only token payments have been possible and some of those have been sent back, that is why I feel doomed.
Hence my IVA was going to be a fixed and Final one with a £10k offer from a 3rd party

[Foggy]

Many of us ( I know I was) were living the lie, Ox, and using CC as back ups to support even a modest lifestyle. Losing that back up was hard, but not insurmountable. Now, all of us in IVA's have adjusted and we cut our cloth accordingly. It isn't the end of the world and the moon still floats in the sky.

[Ox1987]

Feeling like the end is nigh cant seem to focus on any positive can't even get motivated in my job as not sure I will keep it if this does not go ok.
My fears are that I will end up at best on benefits in a council house, at worst on the streets with the wife with the kids in care. I dont want my family to suffer.

My Mum and Dad want to take us out tonight for Sons birthday and I cannot even get myself up for that at the moment.Then I may have some of his friends round for a sleepover on Friday night. My family may already be suffering due to me anyway.

[Hyperdrive]

Ox my retail business had been failing for years, but the banks fell over themselves offering me more overdrafts, and on the personal accounts. I even managed to change banks and start again and thats without all the credit cards which we also used to subsidise the shop losses. Well over 100k in the end. We never had flash holidays or cars.
But we`ve got the IVA now and I am better. We have the same shop but because I`m now optimistic and dynamic about the future, that has turned around as well.

[Foggy]

Ox, the brain is marvellous, but it can be a pain in the rear sometimes. I bet you can stand, quite happily on the kitchen table. Your brain sees the table, 6 x 4 and knows you can stand on it ... and so, you do.

Put that table on 100 foot legs, then try to stand on it. The brain sees the table, 6 x 4 and thinks, b***** hell that's a long way down ... and so, you fall off!

Positive thoughts will win the day.

[Ox1987]

I am trying Foggy just not working today nor is the elastic band

[Foggy]

The weather isn't helping either ( it definitely affects the mood). Swap the elastic band for some furry handcuffs ... that'll make you smile ( it will make everyone else smile at least)

[Ox1987]

Dont think that I will be professional in here

I need to have confidence that it will be approved if it is then the rest I can fight for