Well I'm still waiting for the details of what I owe and have paid from GT (they're waiting for all the files to get sent to them).
However thats the least of my worries. On Friday via solicitor it was arranged for me to meet their dad for them to spend time with him and vice versa. I text him at 9.10 saying we would all be there at 10 o clock. At 10.30 he arrived so I immediately pointed him out to the younger 2 (who were running about), they both ran to him. I went back to my table and told the older 2 he was there and to go see him.
He stayed out of my line of vision completely, everytime one of the younger 2 even walking anywhere in my direction he sat back down. I was sat with friends by this point and supposed to be relaxing while he looked after all four. I had to step in as my 3 yr old climbed on the rungs of the balcony so I ran to get him down before he climbed/fell over the balcony. My eldest came to ask me for a slice of cake so I told him to ask dad.
Dad said "have you had lunch?" so my eldest said no, so dad said no. (He was supposed to providing their lunch etc). By 11 o clock the youngest was over a completely different part of the room with me watching her as the ex couldn't even see her from where he was sitting. By 11.15 he told my 6 year old to stop playing her ds and go play with her friends.
At 11.30 my 3 yr old was dropped on to the sofa next to me and the ex grunted something, I said pardon, so he grunted again and walked off. I asked the lady I was sitting with (who by this point was sat there open mouthed) if she knew what he said but she didn't understand him either. He then came back so I asked him what he'd said - "I'm off, there's no point me being here, they're playing with their friends. You've won I can't afford the solicitor anymore" With that he said goodbye to my 6 3 and 2 yr old and left. (my eldest didn't even know he'd gone bless him) Withing 10 minutes the ex came storming back inb at me and said "by the way you have 3 hours to sort out all the direct debits or I cancel them all", I told him the bank fudged up my bank account and I still didn't have one and he said tuff I don't care and went. No one heard this, so I just went back to the table and the people I was sitting with just looked at me and asked if I was ok, I was actually shaking.
The older 2 weren't very good last night, they were angry and teary esp my eldest, he wanted to know why dad didn't stay for long, why he didn't say goodbye. He cried a lot.
Kelse, I am so sorry to hear about the tough time you are going through and I really feel for the kids. None of this is their fault and your ex should not be treating you, or them, like this.
I'm not surprised they misbehaved, they know what is going on, but you have to be firm.
When it comes to the bank, call his bluff now that you have an accoun and if he does cancel the DD's, just phone the creditors up and explain what has happened.
What a total a***hole he is!
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
Just saw this Kelse....what a poor excuse for a Dad your ex is. All I can say is children are pretty resilient and as long as you are always there fro them, thats all that matters. It will be his loss in the end, the older the children get the more they will see him for what he is.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
Thank you for your words. When I got home on Sat I had the co op details waiting for me so at least I have an account now. Unfortunately, he cancelled every one of my direct debits so there were a few returned yesterday. I spent most of the day phoning the ones I could remember and looking for numbers and old bank statements for the others. How petty. The one funny thing is that we're both with tesco car ins and he's cancelled his instead of mine - oh for karma.
So another day today of calling the ones I missed yesterday. I've checked this morning and had 2 more returned, I just hope I don't get charged next month.
Sorry he has been so petty and cancelled everything, and hopefully, as you have rung them all up, they will be understanding and not charge you.
I did smile about the fact that he cancelled his car insurance and not yours! Does he realise this yet?
As soon as you have set them all up with the Co-op you can relax again.
As an afterthought - if the bank does charge for the returned DD's - it's the joint account, let him pay them!
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
Morning Jan, No I don't think he realises. I'm going to let him pay for the charges. Oh I had a text off him after they'd been cancelled yesterday too saying "I've cancell your direct debits now stay out of my account" - Charming.
I think I only have 3 or 4 left to do today so I'm starting to relax a bit now. Still not seen a penny for the children but I posted the csa forms off yesterday so hopefully he'll be informed soon.
I'm sure he'll be in touch having a rant about that shortly as well!
At least the bank is almost sorted.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
Hope you're okay. You'll probably get a letter from the companies saying the dd had been cancelled and to arrange another from of payment. So don't worry, you can set up a new DD over the phone with them.
I've managed to sort out all the direct debits so thats that out of the way. I had another incident yesterday. I had dance with my 6 yr old so my parents had the 2 boys (they were going to drop them with me at 1) and I had the 2 girls. My ex turned up and came charging towards me pointing and said "Oi I want a word with you outside now" so I grabbed the 2 girls and went back to my seat, where a friend was sitting. He came to the seat and stood over me (while my 32 year old was on my lap and my 6 year old sat opposite) and started shouting and having a go at me. I managed to hold it together while he was there but as soon as he went I broke down. My 6 yr old was in tears too as he frightened her by shouting at me. I phoned my parents to drive up and meet me as I was too afraid to walk to my car on my own. When I got home I phoned the police and they were supposed to phone me back. I hope they do today. Tomorrow I'm going to see my solicitor about getting an injunction against him.
I wouldn't be allowed to put down what I think of him kelse!
The polite version is total moron and bully! He is trying to bully you, but don't let him (easy for me to say, I know). I feel for the kids as well as they don't need this and he has no regard for their feelings at all.
You do need to take out an injunction, at least then you know that if he does come near you he will be arrested.
As Helen says, make a note of the dates and times he has hassled you. Make sure the police do take note of what you are saying. You need it on record.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
kelse i had an ex husband that was a bully. Mainly when he had a drink. Although it is scary at the time show him your not intimidated by him. A bully is a bully only when they are getting somewhere with it. If i saw my ex now i would laugh in his face and you will one day. Chin up and don't let him get you down.
I'm so sorry you're having problems Kelse, although I have to say the bit about the car insurance made me smile - with any luck he'll be caught driving without insurance!
You really are better off without the nasty, bullying piece of pond slime as there is no excuse for treating you and the children in that way.
