anxieties

[marie_68]

hi all! ive been in IVA since 2007,it really helps me alot..but I was just wondering if you feel the same way how I felt...I deserted myself away from my friends...not going to parties anymore...infact I just basically shut off my social life...because whenever I am attending parties or any social gathering its always in my mind that I AM AN IVA ....and maybe i am paraniod a lot to think this everyday and every minute in my life I am really thinking and feeling sorry that I end up like this....i feel sad...more of anxiety and just feeling low basically

[Sensible77]

Hi, Marie. I know how you feel. I've also been in an IVA since 2007 and basically turned into a semi hermit. I stopped socialising because I couldn't afford it or if I did, I felt bad about spending the money. I don't like people coming round to our house as it is quite tatty and even though I've built up a little contingency that will only be spent on dire emergencies. Silly things like the car not starting straight away or the heating making strange noises makes me feel sick as I think, “how much will that cost?” You sound like you are doing this on your own but, even though my IVA is in my name only it has affected my wife but we're determined to get through it and it ends this June. I assume yours will also end this year? I know that this is the only way that I can become debt free and with a clear conscience – I’ve done the “crime” and done the time. It’s a long, hard slog but it will be well worth it in the end. You will find this forum very supportive and helpful, so please keep posting.

[marie_68]

thanks for the post...have you tried also feeling low that whenever there is an emergency repair of your house you just cant find a way because you cannot avail a credit or a loan and have you also feeling frustrated that your son will ask a new mobile but you casnnot avail a contract because you are frightene that if you apply you will be declined...have you even been frightened that everyday what may brings...

[Sensible77]

Hi, Marie. Fortunately, our children have left home and we've had relatively few emergencies to deal with. We've been very lucky as from reading other posts, things have not gone so well. It has been and still is very demoralising but when I consider the alternative, I know I've done the right thing. How long has your IVA to go?

[marie_68]

I should be finished last August but I missed some monthly payments,fortunately and very grateful that my IP gave me an extension to pay the remaining payments

[orange]

i.v.as are tough going ,lots of posters talk of the bright side when in fact its a very difficult time ,each month was hard for us and no one knows of your situation you stop going out and everytime a bill appears its a dread! ,it causes pressure on your relationship and the kids dont understand why they cant have ! We have been out of out iva 18months and sometimes i think back i still read the comments and put comments ,it was huge lesson in life x

[Foggy]

It is certainly no bed of roses -- but, at the end of each month I now have all my bills paid and haven't wracked up any more credit.

Looking back, all of my "living" (going out and having fun) was funded by credit ( if not directly, something else gave and the plastic covered that!).

Yes, I have become somewhat of a hermit --- but don't lie awake at night wondering what bill is going to drop through the letterbox next.

Certainly a struggle at times and I sometimes feel a little like some leper (without the little bell!) ... but, it will pass --- at the end it will be worth it, I am sure. [8D]

[4kidsnocash]

i think most of us feel like that , we certainly don't go out now in fact I can't even remember the last time we did,any extra we have had seems to be swallowed up by one thing or another but looking back I would rather live my life as it is now rather than how it was pre IVA

[MelanieGiles]

Some good shared thoughts here- this forum continues to be a tower of strength for its members. Just do remember that you should all be proud that you chose the IVA route, and that it was done to ensure that your creditors could be repaid to the best of your ability.

[kittyface]

Hi Marie.

I just wanted to say that felt exactly the same as you during my IVA. Guilty if I replaced a pair of shoes that were falling to bits, or went away for a few days with money we'd saved from our grocery allowance over a couple of weeks. Hated seeing my friends (hardly any of them knew) in case they asked us to do something we couldn't afford and we couldn't explain. Added to the normal worries, I have an catastrophising anxiety disorder (part of clinical OCD) that makes me over analyse everything and immediately fast forward through to the worst possible case scenario - so when my car wouldn't start, or the day I came down to find water running down my wall, I almost died on the spot. I even had a massive sick feeling before any work appraisal, in case I got a pay rise and had to raise my payments. But, I got through it, and the time came when my last payment was made, my CC arrived and despite a few PPI issues etc, I can honestly say it's like a massive weight has been lifted.

Now it's done, I can save money, I can buy clothes (and shoes!), I can go on holiday and I'm able to pay my bills every month and have some left over for me. My partner (who was with me from before the IVA and was also in one himself) is planning house repairs and improvements we couldn't afford before, and we can go out and eat in a nice restaurant whenever we feel like. I apologise if this seems a bit braggy to anyone who is struggling in their IVA, but that's not my intention - I just want you guys going through it now to know that I've been there too, and there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and it's NOT a train coming the other way.

Keep going, keep the faith and you'll get there. And life feels so much better on the other side.

Good luck to you and everyone else who is struggling xx

[orange]

some good thoughts on here and yes life after is better ,although at time you do have a guilt trip upon reading the struggle on this site its a tremondous support ,we also still wonder how we did manage and like others say we now save for things too ,funnily enough someone at work said her daugther was having one of those things? ivf where you arnt made bankrupt ! i smiled to myself ! Cna say our iva provider were very good infact they were terrible ,i do sometimes wonder if they were that bad or if it was us that was terrified all the way though hey ho like melaine says we should be proud .thanks guys for support x

[Loads a Debt]

Some great comments on this thread.

It is a really strange feeling in an IVA. Before the IVA I would have said yes to almost every social event or bought things that I could have gone without, with a slight glimmer of guilt that it was being funded by further credit.

Everything I seem to do now has an economic element to it and a decision on whether it fits in with my IVA budget.

The hardest moments were telling friends and family that I just couldn't afford to.... But now I think they're all getting the message without me having to explain the whole situation.

[Jeano99]

Hi everyone.
Thought it was just me that felt this. All the above.
We've been in the iva for almost a year & we've not been out anywhere in that time.
All We seem to do is go to work then come home again.
I'm so excited now.
It's my hubby's birthday this week & kids are paying for us to go out for a lovely meal.
It'll be a real treat.
Seems so long since we've done anything like this. ( I know it's only a meal ) but it'll be special
We've got great kids. They know about the situation were in, so understand. So proud of them

[Loads a Debt]

Hi Jeano99,

What generous and lovely children. I'm sure it will be a lovely night out and one you will savour all the more?

I'm cooking in again tonight. My daughter comes round from college and stays the night on Tuesday and my sister loaned be the Hairy Dieters cook book. So I'm cooking the Spanish Style Chicken Bake... Yum!

[Tina Shortland]

I would like to echo what Melanie has written. Yes it is tough being in an IVA as you are limited to what you have available and therefore can say yes to which gives problems to the pressures from those around you. You are, however in the group of people who are finally addressing your debts in a moral, realistic and reasonable manner and you are prepared to make real sacrifices for the benefit of your creditors.

This will sound crazy but if you had goggles on that gave you xray vision of who in every day life was in a financial mess and who was managing within their means you would all be very shocked at the results. You cannot tell from the outside and in reality many of those that appear to have it all sorted and be living a great life are in fact in a mess and having to rely on credit to maintain things. Many people will not even face the truth to do the right thing, and for others it is an impossibility due to layers of secrets and mistruths. At least you will all be debt free within a reasonable time and can carry on life knowing that you can stand on your own two feet.

It doesn't change the day to day pressures I know but when you are feeling low try and think about the bigger picture and what sacrifices you are making now for a more positive and honest future.