At the start it was embarrassing now.........

[luluj]

This time last year we were constantly robbing peter to pay paul, using credit to pay credit etc until one day I admitted to the other half that that was it and I couldn't do it any longer ! July came and I plucked up courage to ring around re an IVA. Within three months our finances had been sorted (as such), the IVA approved and in payment.
At the same time as admitting to ourselves we were introuble we told our close family only - we needed their support especially as the IVA was only possible if we sold our house and moved into rented!
Embarrassed and upset we agreed to say nothing to anyone else!
Nearly a year on, things are now settled and we have learnt to live without credit - it is hard some months, but hey at least we don't have all the post we used to!
As the months have passed our friends have begun to question why we haven't bought a new house yet - in the end I decided to stop fobbing them off - I have simply said we sold our house to pay off our debts and to then sit back and allow the housing market to stablize again before we take the plunge - luckily my comments have been backed up by the markets at the moment and everyone thinks we have been clever !
I personally, no longer care what people think - we did what we did toget ourselves out of this mess, and in four years time we will have paid back 81% if not more of what we owed !
Our IP has been very supportive so far and we look to see what happens come review time - however the cost of living far out weighs the increases in salary so am not expecting big requests for more money!
We have proved that we can live off one wage, while the other is used to pay for the IVA and bills - if we can do it now, then we can do it in five years time with our heads held high!

All those thinking of taking the plunge - it isn't all that embarrassing really - the support of your friends and family helps so much especially when it is a bad month!

8 down 52 to go and still smiling!

[Wizzard]

I'm lucky LuLu, in that I don't have friends or family[:D]. But you have no need to feel embarrassed in any way, you are doing your best to clear your debts instead of doing what I did and bury your head in the sand and watch them get worse and worse. I hope my meeting will be successful on the 16th May and then I can hold me head up too and plug my phone back in[:D]

[Soulgrowth]

Well said Lulu!

I have never been embarassed about my debt situation and with the confidence gained from my involvement with this Forum I often find myself talking to people about my own situation ... who then feel 'safe' to talk to me about theirs which they have likely been bottling up for some time!

And, thus, by not being embarassed ourselves, we are able to help other people [:)]

Debbie

[chris.g]

I understand about the embarrassment issue, I think people, me included before br, feel as it they are a failure because their debt has got out of control. [:(]
Now I think that if they are going to judge me for the mistakes I've made instead of the solutions I have found they can go and jump......
Everyone who faces this problem and does something about it deserves the respect of people. I strongly believe that there will be a lot more of us this time next year and the year after. I just hope that some of them find this site,
xx

[poppy]

I too am no longer embarassed about my debt situation. Although I don't advertise the fact I am in an IVA, I do not feel ashamed around those that know. The way I see it is that we are doing something positive and to be completely debt free in five years is something lots of my friends with considerably less debt than me won't be.

I also see it as a positive thing as I have finally learnt the value of money!

[kallis3]

I wish I could tell people about my situation, but I know my parents would never forgive me. They have been brought up to pay cash for everything and my mother in particular would be horrified if she knew how much we owed.

My work colleagues as well would not be understanding, the one man in the office who is struggling financially (though not as much as me) is talked about constantly, and I don't want to be like that. I don't talk about money at all at work.

I wish I did have the courage to do it as it would be great to talk about it with someone other than my hubbie, but I'll keep it to myself.

[chris.g]

Kal, what sad people you must work with.....if the truth was known they probably have money problems also but gossip about that poor man.....cruel people.
Swings and roundabouts though......
xx

[Viki.W]

Hey Kallis, you've got all of us to talk to. [:D] Viki X

[kallis3]

Thanks both, it is good to be able to put feelings and problems down on here and know that everyone understands what you are going through. It is a great help and I'm glad I found this site.

As for work, I don't join in the conversation about money. I usually find something else to do. It does annoy me though that one of the girls I work with has a £500,000 house, Mercedes 4X4, Mercedes small car, huge caravan and has several holidays abroad (her hubbie has his own company), and whilst she doesn't boast about this, she does moan about not being able to afford things and I always think - you don't know the half of it love, you couldn't cope with my problems and I wish I'd got half of what you have. There again, perhaps if I'd been careful, I might have!

[Sensible77]

kallis3 - you make a very good point in you last post. Possessions don't make anyone happy, people do. By that I mean "real" friends and family, not fair weather ones.

[joh71262]

Anyone who judges you for your situation can't be a real friend. We all do silly things from time to time - my mum knows I have an IVA but she doesn't know what the outstanding debt was. I don't think she really needed to know - it would only have worried her even more.

She's supportive and helps where she can, even if it's just a few bits from Tesco now and then. Every little helps and that is true !

[luluj]

I thought my mum was going to kill me! After a look of disgust having heard the amount, a few cigarettes and a strong coffee she then went into Mrs Sensible mode and helped and supported us through it all!
My mum the one that has never been a penny overdrawn and panics if her current account has less than £2000 in it at any time!

Hmmmmm....why didn't I get to share that gene with her!!!!

Keep smiling all - we are in it together and for those that can't speakto their families now, the time will come I assure you!

[chris.g]

Kallis, where will that work colleague be if her hubby's business fails?? Probably in the same position as us......do you for one minute believe that the house, cars, caravan etc are paid in full??? I very much doubt it......
xx

[facingittogether]

I AGREE WITH CHRIS

IS THAT OWMAN REALLY DOING AS WELL AS SHE MAKES OUT? or is she up to her eyes in it? we can all put a good front on when really we are drowning in debt! never take a book by its cover, i dont now, the inside could be messier than our situations ever were, and for me thats sayin something cos boy i was in it up to my ears!

barb x

[thanna]

I too havent told friends and family about our iva which is why i find this forum so helpful as you never feel you;re being judged.Everyone understands your situation,Jeez im getting a lump in my throat jus thinking about it[:I]