Bankruptcy threat

[vicky 11]

Thank you Chris thats good advice. Yes they did say that stress was the root cause as I was totally stressed out when it all started. I will have to learn to be patient. This has been going on a very long time now so I think I might just do it all myself. The money is just sitting there, the creditors dont seem to want it, they just prefer to threaten me, so I might just as well use some to free myself from all of this. I did want to return to my place of work but there is no way if I am BR, they have been so good to me also, but hey ho, there are other jobs. I will wait to talk to another professional on Monday. I will talk to my Dad and my brother also.

Thanks again for bringing me out of planet panic.

[chris.g]

Any time Vicki. Hubby's epilepsy is also worsened by stress so I know how important it is to try to be as logical and calm as possible. Don't worry, you will get there, it just takes time. Take care, xxxx

[Soulgrowth]

Mornin' Vicky

It's quite natural to have fluctuating emotions at a time like this and you need to look after yourself first and foremost.

You have had a lot to cope with as a family. In recent times you have lost your mother, your childen have lost their nan and your dad has lost his wife ... you have also 'lost' your husband ... I actually think divorce is as bad as bereavement and we forget that we need to allow ourselves to grieve for the end of a marriage ... your chilren have also lost a father in many ways and your dad a son-in-law. In addition your health is another loss as you have had to face not being the person you used to be.

I would support Chris and Viki's advice here ... don't pay any more to your creditors at the moment until you have taken professional advice ... this doesn't seem to be working, and having come to this conclusion yourself it would look as if your were favouring one creditor above another. One of the reasons I said about giving your dad his money back now is that it would help it to look less like disposal of assets in the future.

With the receipt of the letter that started the panic yesterday the situation is now moving outside of your or your father's ability or know how to address it ... and so, as Chris advised, try to take it one step at a time and draw on some professional help now, someone who can hold your (and indirectly your dad's and your children's)hand a little now and give you sound advice.

Here is the link to Paul Johns (Reviva) page which includes a link to his website http://www.iva.co.uk/forum/pop_profile. ... ay&id=5002

And here is the link to Melanie Giles profile http://www.iva.co.uk/forum/pop_profile. ... lay&id=525 which also includes a link to her webpage.

I am sure that both have someone manning their phones today ... so make a call Vicky and get someone on your side to give you some sound advice ... rather than trying to sort it all out as a family yourself.

Take care.

Debbie

[drowning-mummy]

Hi Vicky,
Just found your thread.
You sound like I was 6 weeks ago. I just didnt knw which way to turn. I cried and cried when I spoke to Melanie. She thankfully pointed me in the direction of BR, as she felt that would be the best solution for us. I was terrified! Now I feel in control and the future looks bright. Any feelings of shame are far behind me and I have even told my very paractical dad too!

I agree with all the above advice, and if I were you, then I would give dad the remainder of his cash back and start the proceedings myself, that way you will feel in control. One of the biggest causes of stress and worry is not being in control, when you start the ball rolling, you will feel heaps better. Take Viki's advice and have a look at the BR forum. You will have so many questions answered there.

May I also just ask about the telegram that you recieved? I have had one, but it for a name that I didn't recognise. They were about to send the bailiffs out. When I called them, it all sounded rather dodgy!

Anyway, keep posting and fear nothing. You are going to be okay, actually we can do better than that.....you are going to happy and positive again!

[chris.g]

Morning Vicky, how you feeling???
Hopefully things are a bit clearer today and you have caught your breath.
It's excellent advice from Debbie, as always she always has the canny knack of putting things into context.[:)]
Take care hun, xx

[Soulgrowth]

Hi DM

Lovely to see you back here again ... and great inspirational advice for Vicky [:)]

How are you Vicky?

Debbie

[Soulgrowth]

... as I have got older ... and gone through the journey of IVA etc. etc. and worked more and more with families that have lost dearly loved ones, including children and babies ... I have adopted three main philosphies in my life which I thought I would share with you all ... in no particular order of preference;

1. Give someone enough rope and they will hang themselves

2. "whatever ..."

3. Cut the C**p


I can thoroughly recommend them for an easier life
Debbie [:)] [:)]

[kallis3]

Debbie - quite agree!
[:D][:D][:D][:D]

[chris.g]

3 excellent life rules, we should all try to follow them, [:D]

[drowning-mummy]

So true Debbie. Those are rules that I try and follow everyday now. Almost relapsed when this whole saga began, but now back on track. After our baby boy died I used to say.....
"Why did this happen,
I have lost all hope;
If you are up there Darling,
throw mummy down a rope"

Seven years on, and I am a totally different person with two healthy little girls. No amount of money is more important than your health. We have made mistakes, but thats all they are, mistakes. We didnt harm anyone, or commit any crimes.

Heres to happiness!

[MelanieGiles]

But you still have a little angel looking down on you all, and seeing the enormous inner strength that I have seen you build over the last couple of weeks, Karen, I don't think he is too far away.

[Soulgrowth]

DM ... never "mistakes" ... only ever "opportunities for learning" ... and, wow, have I learnt a tremendous amount about both myself and the workings of the financial world through my debt/IVA journey ... I would never change a thing in my life for everything has contributed to bringing me to the point of where I am today [:)]

Debbie

[vicky 11]

Hello again all.

Wow, what a day I have had. I went to see Dad, brother couldnt make it, we always like to tackle him together as he is so difficult to talk to. Its just his way, he tries to solve a problem even before he knows what he is dealing with. He calls it thinking on your feet, we call it, putting both feet in without testing the water.

Well, I wrote everything down so he had to read it all, he did look up after the first sentance but I said please read on.

He is very angry, not with me but with this company, he was very good and understanding. He thinks if thats what they want to do, then let them do it. Just let them do it. Within about half an hour he had written a letter on my behalf, he even said he would post it after I had left.

Its a double edge sword I think, I finally have his support but I still dont know what is going to happen. He really wouldnt take the money back, its mine to do as I please with. He seems to think they are bluffing and wants to call their bluff. He told me not to worry as whatever happens, he will support me.

I have been through so many emotions today, we never talk like this, ever.

I have felt so awful since doing what I did, like I just couldnt ever convince anyone I could do anything for myself again. Now I think he really does believe that I am OK, and I am.

So thank you for everything, I am so grateful. I know there may be a bumby road ahead, good days and bad days but I know now that I am on the right track. Obviously I still need to talk to a professional to get this sorted out. There are a lot of things I am still not sure about, like renting when bankrupt, or my job etc.

I am going to print off some of this stuff on here.

Thanks again.
Vicky

[Viki.W]

Vicky, that's great news, you must be so relieved. Your Dad sounds lovely. Just take one day at a time and I'm sure you can have this all behind you soon. X

[chris.g]

Vicky, it's great that you have told your dad and now he's on your side.
About the money....could your brother possibly hold it for your dad so that it's not swallowed up by the bankruptcy? If your dad is angry with this company he will probably be livid if they get his money!!
I'm so pleased you are feeling more positive about it all, it's truly amazing how strong we are. You have already proved this by surviving everything that has happend in the last 6 years.
Give yourself a huge pat on the back, you're doing marvellous, xxxx