Hello, I'm in a mess. I have lived beyond my and my husbands means for a while now and I don't know what to do. I have a loan of £17k , credit card debt of £15k and an odd catalogue here and there about £2k. my husbands income just about covers all our household bills and I have £800 a month to pay the loan £304, the credit card £270 minimum and the catalogues along with that live and feed my family (me, hubby and 2 kids). I have fallen into the trap of getting all my shopping and living expenses on the credit card which is just mounting up so I can pay the minimum on the bills. I'm not in debt yet and haven't missed any payments but this can't go on. My husband works away alot and he doesn't know about the loan which I took out to pay off another credit card and he thinks that the credit card that I have is within my means and he doesn't know how much I owe or pay on it. When he is at home I find I am waiting for the post all the time before he can get to it and I feel terrible and extremely ill. Does anyone have any advice for me as to what I can do to try and piece my life back together, which includes keeping my husband cos he is going to go mad when he finds out I'm in such a state and have lied to him. We own our house jointly but have remortgaged it, it was worth £230K but with the falling house prices I would be surprised if it was worth £190K now and we owe a mortgage of £200K. I don't know if I would qualify for an IVA or if it would be accepted - what happens if it isn't? I'm so scared. Please help.
Firstly, you have taken that all important step in recognising that you have got a problem, and wanting to do something about it.
I think that you need to take the bull by the horns with your husband and tell him about it all, it will be unpleasant to start with. I speak from experience here as I was the same just over 12 months ago and kept stuff from my husband. We had rows once it all came out, but we are sorted now, and I am sure you will be.
You may qualify for an IVA, but I recommend that you speak to an Insolvency Practioner as soon as possible. There are several who post on here who come highly recommended including Melanie Giles, Size 5, Michael Peoples, plus a couple of debt advisors, Andy Davie and VikiW.
You will find their contact details under the experts link on the left hand side of the page. If you ring them, the advice is free and they will go over all your options and advise you as to the best option for you.
Give them a ring, and let us know how you get on.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
Hi Chihuahua. Firstly, well done on gettting to this stage and admitting you have a debt problem. I was in the same situation as yourself a few months ago, then found this site, and you will see that there are loads of people who post on here who have been in exactly the same position as yourself and can offer invaluable advice and moral support. Your situation sounds very similar to mine, although my debts were larger, and whilst I am no expert (there will no doubt be one along soon), your story sounds as though an IVA may well be suitable. Have a look on this site, and contact an Insolvency Practioner as soon as possible. You will find that talking your situation through with someone who will not judge you will help enormously, and you will see that there is light at the end of the tunnel trust me I've been there!! And as for your husband, maybe you should just come clean and tell him whats going on as you are both in this together so whatever you decide to do needs his involvement as well. Best of luck!!
Thanks for your advice, I know I need to tell him and I've put it off over christmas but I don't think I can, I think I'd rather have to tell him I'm having an affair (which I'm not) than this, which is how badly I feel. I'm going to read your blog now and I'll let you know what happens if (when) I pluck up the courgae to tell him.
You'll have to start from the beginning chihuahua-girl, that's where I tell you my debt story. The rest is just prattling on most of the time!
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
thanks for your reply. my husband is going to go mad cos he has prided himself in having a good credit score - if the IVA is for my debts how will it effect him? I've tried to find out about IVA's but on the FAQ's there never seem to be any that are quite right for what I want to know?
This is a very common scenario unfortunately, and whilst it is you and you alone who can make the decision as to whether to tell your husband or not, you will find that if you posed this dilemma to all the experts on the site they would all say the same thing. If you physically cannot bring yourself to do it then you may still be able to be helped, but it would almost certainly limit your options somewhat.
Good luck and regards.
Cert DR
23+ years in debt advice
I do not post for anyone other than myself
If the debts are in your name only, it shouldnt affect his credit rating. If you decide to go down the IVA route, his income will be taken into account when calculating how much you can afford to pay into an IVA, but the impact will be on your credit rating, not his. I used to think that having a good credit rating was a good thing too, but all it meant for me was that it enabled me to get deeper and deeper into debt. I am in the middle of the IVA process currently, and assuming its accepted, I never want to see another credit card or finance agreement again in my life! You will have to go through a difficult time with your husband (read my seperate post under "Parents" to see that I had to do something similar at the weekend), but I suppose at the end of the day the strength of your relationship with him will determine how supportive he will be. Any questions related to IVAs or anything else, ask away on here there are always plenty of well informed people who can answer them, together with several actual Insolvency Practitioners so you get it straight from the horses mouth, so to speak! Good luck.[;)]
You've all been so kind in your responses, I don't feel that I am worthy of such respect at the moment. I've just been reading into some peoples experiences where the IVA is not accepted - what happens in that scenario do I just carry on getting further into debt so we can eat? Will they send balliffs? OMG I'm so worried.
If your IVA is rejected, you can always go onto a Debt Management Programme, which is similar to an IVA, but is not legally binding. You may find that some companies do not freeze interest or charges and it usually takes a lot longer to pay back.
All of this would be explained to you by an IP. Give one of them a ring and I am sure they will soon put your mind at rest.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
There are other options such as Debt Management Plans where you agree a reduced level of payments with your creditors (but they do not have to freeze interest as they do in an IVA so generally take longer to complete), or bankruptcy. Dont worry about baliffs this can be wholly avoided and you have plenty of time to get yourself sorted out if you are up to date with your payments. Honestly, pick up the phone and speak to an IP and chat through your options as its impossible for you to come to a decision without speaking to a professional. I can understand how you are feeling at the moment as I was at that stage once as well, but trust me talking to someone about it DOES help and you will realise that help is there and you dont have to worry yourself silly and have sleepless nights as a result.
And just remember that we are all here for any questions and support you may need.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
I was in the same boat with my Wife. After I realized there was a problem and it couldnt go on, I sat her down and told her all about it. I was half expecting to loose her, but she was just wonderful... totally supportive. I think she was more relieved that I had told her the problem as up to that point, she had been living with a moody, snappy grumpy old b***** and she simply did not know the reason.
You husband will undoubtedly know something is wrong anyway.
Personally I would take professional advice before discussing this matter with your husband, as at least you can then speak to him with some authority and he will know that you are dealing with the situation in a sensible manner. There may a number other options available to you, and sometimes it is better to carry out your research first before finding the courage to sit your partner down and explain the situation.
If you have used the money borrowed to pay for household items and general expenditure, rather than spending it all on yourself, your husband must also take some responsibility for this as well - but I do appreciate how difficult this may be.
