can i keep extent of my debt quiet

[ktf]

My wife does not know about the extent of my debt can i keep this from her?

[quark2008]

A problem shared........ It's up to you though, will she hit the deck ?#13;#10;or you ?

[angela18]

i never knew extent of hubbys debt and we faced it, i nearly fell through the floor! but i love him and married him for better or worse.. somethings are more important

[quark2008]

I agree Ang. There are more important things in life.Good for you too.

[MelanieGiles]

It is usually better to share things, as you will need your partner's support both financially and emotionally during the period of the IVA.

[size5]

It IS possible to shield your wife from this, but I obviously cannot encourage you to do so.

Do you have shared assets, such as a property?

Do you have ANY joint debts?

Please post again so that you can gain further support.

Regards.

[plasticdaft]

I really think not telling your partner puts you on very dangerous ground. Unless the debts have been gathered solely by you(and she hasnt benefitted in any way),then the debts,although in your name,have been jointly incurred.
Only my opinion,but this kind of thing will cause you enough worry and stress without the added fact that you are going to have to hide everything from her.
My advice is to sit down and talk to her about it,and if your relationship is strong enough she will see past what has happened and help you look to the future.

[indebtforever]

yes i agree you need to support each other through an IVA she will come round after the initial shock and this will also lift a weight from your shoulders a problem shared is a problem halved i would be more concerned about her finding out another way and then feeling let down that you couldnt confide in her.i wish you luck i hope it works out for you keep posting we have all made mistakes (mine was a 72k mistake and not a thing to show for it)but the help and energy i get from here keeps me going

[Lisa2009]

Keeping it quiet only leads to far more stress in the long run. Best to tell her and get it over with as others have said, then together you can find a sollution.

[Skippy]

I couldn't have got through my IVA and BR without the support of my partner. He knew I had some debts, but not how much and was a little shocked to say the least! He supported me through everything though.

From my point of view, if he was struggling with debts, I would want to know so that I could support him. I would be hurt if he didn't feel he could share his problems with me.

[Gale]

This is a very interesting point for me. I made my last payment to IVA in May this year and am awaiting the 'debt free' confirmation. But you will be amazed that I kept it to myself throughout.

Not my ex-partner (split up 2 years ago), my parents, friends, new fiance (getting married June next year) absolutely NO ONE knew/know about it. For future joint mortgages with my new partner it will no doubt come to light.

It was my way of 'holding my head up high' and thinking it was my mess (NO joint debts by the way) and was up to me to get out of it, just a personal choice I suppose.

[kallis3]

I kept the extent of some of our debts from my husband. He hadn't got a clue because I do all the finances and just used to tell him that everything was ok when he asked.

Of course, it all came out in the end and made him ill. We are now 3 months into an IVA and there are no secrets between us. I don't think we could get through it otherwise. This forum is a great for support as well.

Other than kids, we have told noone else, and don't intend to.

I couldn't go through this without hubbie knowing though. It would prey on my mind that he would find out.

Gale, I can't help thinking that you should tell your new partner, especially now you are debt free. That way you have no secrets from him.

[Gale]

I'm actually kinda proud of completing the IVA over the 5 years and will definitely tell my new partner soon.

Such a nice feeling to finally put the IVA behind me and look forward to my wedding now!!!!

[kallis3]

I'm pleased that you completed your IVA, I still have a long way to go!

At least you will be totally debt free on your wedding day! If you are getting married in this country, I hope the weather is better than it is today!

Good luck in the future.

[sue_j4]

I'm 1 yr into a 6 yr IVA. I had debts of 70K. I sorted the whole process out on my own . The only person i have told about my situation is my friend in work! Its been really hard for me to say the least! At times not sure how i have done it. I went through many worrying months.I'm in a relationship and have been for 3 yrs now we live together but its his house. I moved in about 2 year ago. My debts were prior to this relationship . Its very difficult at times. I think he must wonder why i cant do certain things when i do have a really good job. But i also feel the same as Gale its my mess and for me to sort out. My partner talks about the future and getting a house together but i just change the subject for now anyway. Hes a really honest and good man but i think the longer it goes on the harder it would be for me to tell him. My debts were due to a unhappy previous relationship. Maybe when i'm a few years in! Everyday its on mind and eats away at me for not being completely upfront and honest with him. Always that fear that a letter will arrive and he will see it.
Gale would like to congratulate you on your completion of your IVA. Well done for making it! Hope i can do the same and make it to the end!!