I wish you all the best for your meeting Sue!
Just to supplement the warm wine as prep for your meeting with Bev, have a glance at the book 'Dealing with People You Cant Stand' by Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner.
I've found the book invaluable for dealing with difficult personalities. It gives a superb insight into different behaviours and how most negative behaviours actually begin with positive intent (the road to hell is paved with good intentions so to speak).
The positive intent for Bev may be 'getting the job done the way SHE wants it done' with little consideration of the human/people aspect. Perhaps when things dont go her way she enters into 'Sherman Tank' mode whereby she becomes verbally aggressive with a single-minded focus to assert her control. The purpose of this behaviour, according to the book, is to shove you back on course or eliminate the obstacle that you represent to her.
Now the authors of this book recommend the following strategy for dealing with the Sherman Tank:
1. Hold your ground.
Do not change your position whether standing, sitting, or making up your mind. You dont need to go on the defensive or offensive. If the Sherman Tank rants, just hang in there wait for it to end and say 'Is that everything?'
2. Interrupt the Attack.
Say the Tank's name (her preferred one given the context that is!)over and over again until you have her full attention.
3. Quickly backtrack the main point.
Now you have the Tank's attention, quickly backtrack the main accusation(s) being made.
4. Aim for the bottom line and fire!
A good two sentences beginning with 'In my opinion...' or 'The way I see it...'
5. Peace with Honour
If the Tank's accusations are untrue, perceptions unrealistic, or demands unfair, you should redirect to a peaceful solution by offering the Tank the last word, only YOU decide where and when e.g. 'When you're ready to talk to me with respect...'. YOU then assign time and conditions for their last word eg. 'When you're ready to talk to me with respect, I'll be ready to discuss this matter further.'
If the Tank is correct then dont waste any time: a) admit mistake; b)state briefly what youve learned from episode; c)state what you will do differently to avoid reoccurrence.
Mind you Sue, as Andy say's, most people are different in face-to-face situations so there will probably be no need to worry! However, I couldnt resist sharing this very interesting book - which I bought to combat the many Snipers on my political battlefield at work! Apologies, I read a book for EVERYTHING! Drives my good lady mad particularly when we're running out of cupboard space!
Best
OW
- 'I wont cry for yesterday 'cause there's an ordinary world somehow I have to find...'
