DMP or contact personally. So low head is a whirl

[j_d]

Hi all

Once again another almost sleepless nights with dreams of creditors when i did sleep, feel so low and panicky. Know that there are some really caring and helpfull people on here so sit here just waitinng for some of you to get online.......

Iva was refused on tuesday by one creditor who held the majority vote.

Now been advised DMP recieved the forms and unfortunatly have posted back without really thinking through. Noticed on the form that the first payment we make will be to the DMP company and then 15% each month also to the DMP company. I understand totally that these things take time and energy and no one is gonna do them for love but is this really gonna help us in our situation. Does anyone have experiance of DMP and or of trying it alone i.e contacting creditors explaining circumstances and making an offer of some sort of payment.

So desperate considering contacting Northern Rock and asking them to give us one great big consolidation loan which i know is really silly but am really having fight in my head because it seems like an option.

Julie

[aguise]

Hi Julie I'm always up.
I have read all your posts and do sympathise greatly with your situation.I cannot see why some ivas are not being accepted when they would get so much less in bankrupcy. Still maybe the dmp is the best thing to do for you at the present at least it may give you time to clear your thoughts and decide on what route to take. Like you bankrupcy sent shivers down my spine at the thought of everyone I know reading my name in the paper,now if my iva should fail for one reason or another I will have no thoughts about it I will just go bankrupt, you can only do your best. Please try to concentrate on family and tell your partner the same. At the end of the day you have each other and that is the biggest asset. My husband had a heart attck a few years ago and luckily survived. It changed the whole way I look at things and having someone who loves you is more important than anything. Guess I'm rambling a bit, skippy and lily are so supportive, but I sit here reading and they say it for me.
Please just keep posting and get all the support the forum can offer and I know, as with others there will be a solution some just take longer than others

Ang x x

[j_d]

Hi Aguise

So pleased someone has replied, all i seem to do at the moment is worry or cry, i feel so pathetic, i am usually so optimistic about things but since my partner shared his situation(which is now ours) and his worries with me things have gone from bad to worse. It was the hardest thing waiting till Tuesday 17th April for the IVA meeting but our Ip had been quite positive because she felt we had managed to make a good offer. We was warned that NR were perhaps a stumbling block but had made a few cut backs to try and prepare for this thus being able to offer a higher amount. When it was refused on Tuesday the whole world seemed to tumble.

I know there are people in the same or worse situations, people on this site are brilliant and i really dont know where i would be now if i hadnt found this site on Tuesday. Can't imagine a worser place than where i am. Trying so hard to not be woe is me, sorry all if i sound like i am. (there now i got more to worry about)

Wish i had found it sooner because from Dec 06 till now i have spoken to no one about all this only my partner. It all just feels too much at times.

Julie

[aguise]

Dear Julie
There is always somebody worse off than you, but that doesnt make you feel any better your situation is real to you. I think everybody on this forum has had the same feelings as you at some time, you have a rant or a moan if you want and dont apologise for it.
I like you didnt find the site till nearly the day of the creditors meeting and wished I had as I needed the support , the phone calls from creditors had got to me and I sat here in floods of tears. Then i found the forum and just got stronger and realised I wasnt alone as you are not. Do you not have a close friend or family member that you can confide in. We had just one friend who knew our situation and just being able to go on at them about it helped so much. If not just talk to us.
Look at all that you have and realise that you are rich in other things if not material family and friends are the biggest asset.

Ang x

[j_d]

Hi Aguise,

My one friend i felt able to confide in who understands was very good through December just after Lee had first spoke to me. We had also been pregnant together and given birth 2 days apart so we were very close, i know she would still be supportive and is when i do speak to her, but during december her husband was diagnosed as having cancer which has been operated on and he is doing really well. But then this really does show that family are important and health is so much more valuable than wealth(or non wealth). I do still talk to her but do not like to share so many worries with her as i am trying to support her with her own things.

My mum and dad are so good and that is also really hard for me because normally i would tell them everything but 7 years ago they helped me emotionally and financially through a very messy divorce and custody battle. They were brilliant but they saved me from losing my house. I just really do not want to bring more worry and trouble to thier door when they are both in thier late 60's and just starting to enjoy thier retirement a bit.

It does help talking to you though just hope you dont get fed up of me any time soon.

Julie

[CoverItAll]

Hi Julie,

I can still remember how I felt then – absolutely helpless. I had started a business with a partner and jointly we borrowed £38,000. Four months in, he and his wife bought a pub and I was on my own. Unfortunately the business required his skills as well as mine. The insurance company commenced bankruptcy proceedings – he was quite willing to go bankrupt – I offered to repay the whole loan (including his half) over 5 years – they refused to discuss it. Representing myself, I could not afford a lawyer, I stood up against their Silk through seven hearings, consoling myself that they were spending more than the debt on the legal proceedings.

Finally, October 22nd 1995 it happened – BANKRUPT – and for three years then. Oh the shame, announced in the Gloucester Citizen, but guess what – no-one important to me read it, except me! However, it cost me a business, a marriage, contact with my Son, and a home.

Whilst I paid a heavy price for it, and it laid me low for a time, it NEVER cost me my self respect. Soon I started to think. I had not cheated, lied or stolen, all I had done was make a bad business decision. From that day on I started to rebuild my life. I met a lady, we married, suddenly I had three step children and seven grandchildren. From her I heard a new message “yes you can, let’s work at this together”.

Discharged from bankruptcy in October 1998 after paying not a penny to my creditor – a promise I made to my business partner who was then dying of cancer, we started to rebuild. We started a business and built it up together. It now funds the sort of lifestyle I never dreamed I would ever have. By 2003 we were able to by a house for £195k with no mortgage. Today we have five buy-to-let properties and are buying a sixth together with a lock of nine flats.

….. and guess what, as you see I am not ashamed to talk about when it all went wrong.

Believe in your self j d, talk to others on here, gain strength from them, do what you have to do and FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF, you’ve done nothing wrong, you’re not seeking to avoid your responsibilities, you are just asking for some help. All you have to do is just to hold your head up and keep placing one foot in front of the other – that way you can’t help but move forward.

– and through it all remember, after all it’s only money!”

I won’t wish you luck, you don’t need it, you will make your own luck, remember that in life, as in aeronautics

ATTITUDE, NOT APTITUDE, DETERMINES ALTITUDE


John Tegg
Accident and Sickness cover that pays for up to 60 months for Clients within IVA's.
Tel: 0845 673 9999
e-mail: quotemeplease@asu4iva.co.uk
www.asu4iva.co.uk

[j_d]

hi coveritall

thankyou so very very much for sharing your experiance with me, i sat here crying whilst reading it but you have done so very very well it is lovely to hear such a brilliant success story. My partners main concern is that i am going to leave, and this has led him to some very silly thoughts but in his head they are the way to make things right for me.

i want things to be right for both of us though it didnt help when the iva was rejected by his creditor but mine accepted a hundred per cent but was withdrawn because of his. he just sees that as another thing he is responsible for.

I think the scareist thing is how easy it was for him to get a 20.000 loan from NR via internet and a short 5 min phone call.

But hey ho

Thankyou again for your support it did make me smile to see how well you have done

Julie

[freelili]

Dear Julie

I do really feel for you right now as I can identify with what you are going through. I really believe that much of what you are feeling right now is isolation and a feeling of being let down. Its just too much for you to bear at the moment. You are actually being quite hard on yourself, you thought your IVA was the answer and are disappointed and in shock that it didnt go through. Please dont appologise for being in pieces, you need support right now from wherever you can get it. I was just the same, I remember crying hopelessly in a car park because I had lost my ticket. (I was soo stressed out and worried, hadnt slept in weeks and couldnt function). The car park guy asked me to pay £10, I was at the barrier, everyone behind me tooting and my children in the car and boy did I blub. You feel so black like your stomach is churning, food gets stuck and the nights are endless, you just dont know which way to turn and feel like hiding away, right?

Julie, you have already been through so much, I think that you might need to see your GP and just get a little bit of help with this. I did in the end because I just couldnt function and it really helped, its hard to write all this in a forum post but I really think you do need it. It will help to lift your mood and help you to get some sleep. This is the first thing you should do.

Secondly, reconsider a word with your parents, they would be horrified to think of you suffering like this, As I said I just couldnt tell my mom but when I did she was a rock for me. My own children will make mistakes, just like I have and I wouldnt want them to suffer alone, would you, when your baby is old enough? I know its hard, I was shaking when I told my mom and I am 38 with four kids.

Finally, when you feel a little better,you should communicate with your creditors, I have found it much better to communicate by letter, just to keep them informed. I refuse to comminicate with them on the phone, its really much less hassle although more expensive to write. You could arrange a DMP for free with Myvesta, Kerri, (scaredkez) will be able to tell you more about this. It really takes the pressure off for a while, You are actually doing something.(www.myvesta.org.uk)

I promise you it will get better, try not to think of the 'whole' solution right now, its just too much. You need to a) get some help for yourself b)communicate with thouse around you draw all the support you can without judgement or blame. c) Take small steps in order to reduce the pressure until you can function better.

I am sending you a virtual hug and I really hope this helps.

Love


LILY

I asked God for a solution and have to live with his reply.

[aguise]

Hi again Julie didnt leave you just couldnt get on the website. Now see you are not alone, there is always someone around if you need them. I'm going to take it out on the garden for you now (theres good stress relief go rip a few weeds) Big cuddle for you . Speak later.
Angx

[scaredkez]

jd if you really want to do a dmp until you decided on which way to go i would recommend myvesta they donot take a cut of what you pay into the dmp as many others do, everything you pay to them is split to the creditors you owe so you will be paying more off, rather than paying 15% to the dmp company, they have a website so google myvesta and fill in the form or ring them on the freephone number, they are very approachable, you can always cancel the other dmp and myvesta will take over everything for you, remember its free and so is their phone number
good luck
kerri

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[freelili]

Julie

Just one more thing, your hubby, he needs help also, these thoughts that he is having is of concern. He feels he is to blame and I am worried about him. If he could post himself he would be able to get help from the male folk who have been in the same position, he must be in a really, really lonley dark place right now.

LILY

I asked God for a solution and have to live with his reply.

[tracy.h]

Hi julie i must say i have to agree with lily ,i got so down,i felt every time i walked out the door i would suffocate,at the time i had so much going on,other than my partner,who will stand by me,but up until a few weeks ago blacked out,as i was so consumed with my own stress i didnt give him a thought,it now turns out he needs treatment for high blood pressure,and that is probably brought on by all the stress we are going through,but for us it was a break through,it made us realise the harm we were douing to ourselves,so we have made a pledge,i went to my G.P and got some pills to calm my anxiety,and he got pills for his blood pressure,we now take each day at a time,its early days and we are no where near out of the woods,but we are closer than ever,nothing seems that bad anymore,but if id lost him it would have been the end of my world,and what ever life throws at us we will walk through this together.
I havnt confided in any one,as i felt so ashamed,but im now really considering telling my immediate family,its nothing to be ashamed of we made a mistake like millions of others,but we are now going to do whats right for us since i went to g.p i feel better than i have done in a long time,im not saying antidepressants are right for anyone else,but 4 wks after taking mine im feeling more able to cope,also being able to post here and recieving support helps me immensley,so i hope you really do start to feel better,you are not alone xx

[j_d]

Hi Lily

Yes he is and i am off no help to him because seeing me in this state just makes him feel worse cos he sees that it is all his doing i am not blameless for this because there has been a lot of blame throwing around and now although i can see his reasons for trying to protect me cant take back words spoken. In the end i was living the pretend life he was providing, whilst protecting me from stress during my pregnancy.

I have shown him all off your posts and i think he is almost ready to register and post himself on here which like you say would be good.

Julie

[Adam Davies]

Hi j_d
I do feel for you,my advise would be to start the DMP whilst you gather your thoughts and decide on the way forard for you both.
You can bounce back,as John has shown.
You will get all the help and support that you need on this forum so please post as often as possible.
regards

Andy Davie
IVA.co.uk Spokesperson and site manager
(aka Neverending)

Please check out my blog: http://andydavie.blogs.iva.co.uk

View my profile here:
http://www.iva.co.uk/andy_davie_profile.asp

[freelili]

Julue

I am really pleased that he is reading the posts, he must forgive himself and accept his situation before he can move forward. I think that he is affraid of blame from your parents, perhaps? He didnt kill anyone or ever intend to hurt anyone, he has just got into debt like everyone else here. I also agree with tracy as I myself went onto anti depressants and felt so much better. ~Although I was embarrassed to tell my GP, she was very understanding and told me I am by far not the first person to suffer from debt stress. What is done is done and whats been said has been said, now its time to stick together and work through this, you are both suffering and can help each other.

Now that you have realised your financial difficulties and have 'hit rock bottom' I wouldnt be too tempted to take out another loan, a quick fix is rewarding yourself with exactly what you are trying to avoid......... debt.

Good luck Julie and Hubby, we are always here for you both.

LILY

I asked God for a solution and have to live with his reply.