Do they know?

[Broke of London]

I've told a few people who are close. Talking about money is generally uncomfortable for people so I don't feel the need to foist my 'money talk' on them. I honestly think most people would rather discuss their bowel movements than their bank accounts!!! x

[footiemad]

I think you are right there Bol!!!!

[lem]

My mum is dead now, my dad has moved in with someone else and I don't speak to him anymore (since June last year anyway) but they wouldn't help me even if I did tell them, all they would do is put me down, judge me and constantly procrastinate and tell me it was my own fault I got into it and I would have to just suffer the consequences. Although having said that, I once had the conversation a couple of years ago with my dad about bankruptcy and told him that if we were ever in trouble we would sort it out ourselves but he said he would want to know as he would want to help. I don't think that would still stand though.

I don't have any friends close enough that I would tell either, I do have a couple of close friends and I know one is in the doodoo but I still wouldn't tell her about our IVA

[Broke of London]

From all my experience of divorce I always say that you should never ask a man to chose his children over his squeeze...he never will!!! I've seen this experience play out over and over and over again.

[lem]

Never did Bol, just wanted to carry on being included in his life and welcomed his new 'squeeze' (she's almost 90 lol) into our family, but unfortunately she wants him but not the rest of his family and refused to get involved with us, his children, so he has distanced himself, his loss

[kallis3]

Must admit that when hubby and I got together, if I'd asked him to forget about his kids he'd have left me!!!

[lem]

Sounds like a good man there Jan, my dad is just a wimp and goes with the flow, but he's the one now missing out on his children and grandchildrens lives (she doesn't have any kids of her own)

[kallis3]

I feel for you lem - I've always had a good relationship with my stepkids and the grandchildren. My daughter has always been accepted by her step brother and sister and they are all looking forward to seeing her baby (when she eventually puts in an appearance!!)

When I split up with my first husband (no kids) and got together with present hubby my parents didn't want to know. Now they think he's the best thing since sliced bread and are looking forward to greeting a great grandchild!!

It is sad when these things happen.

[Skippy]

OH would have told me where to go if I'd asked him to ditch his children for me. We don't see them very often as they don't live local though.

Unfortunately we have the opposite problem with his eldest son as he doesn't speak to us as his wife hates OH for some reason.

[lem]

That's awful Skip, it was hard seeing my dad with someone else only a few months after we lost my mum, and it did take me a little time to get used to it but I wanted him to be happy and was pleased there would be another 'matriarch' in our family, my kids loved her and she was great with them but after a while it became obvious it was for show, we would frequently invite them to family events etc and they would either not come because she had other plans, cancel on us at the last minute or come but then leave after a short while as she always had something else on.

I never expected her to give up her life and interests for us but some compromise would be nice! The catalyst was my darling daughter running away from home last summer as she was fed up of my dad's partner saying nasty things about me while she was there, as you can imagine it caused a huge rift and my daughter won't see her grandad now, he won't talk to me as he blames me for it all, it's such a mess.

I had such a good relationship with my mum and miss her so much, she and my dad were together 50 years and I never in a million years expected any of this when she died, how I wish we could turn the clock back, for so many reasons....

[kallis3]

I remember that happening lem - must have been a really awful time. It's really not your fault at all and your dad should realise that. He's missing out on his grandkids and they're missing out on spending quality time with him. It's his own fault and I wonder if he regrets it all but is just to proud to admit he's in the wrong.

I'll bet you do miss your mum - I'm fortunate to still have both of my parents, they'll be celebrating 59 years of married life this week. Can't wait till next year when I get them a telegram from the queen!!

[lem]

Oh wow, that's amazing Jan!

I'm sure my dad does regret a lot of things, but yes he's proud and very stubborn, but I just have to get on with my life now, it's very hard and I do have days where I feel incredibly down as I miss him loads, esp after losing my mum, I worry about when anything happens to him.

Glad I was working 12 hours yesterday so I didn't have to think about it!

[animaleyes76]

I remember being terrified of telling my dad about it. He's one of those people that's never missed a payment on anything and never late either.

I ended up telling him and as I'd already kinda let slip i was in a few problems.

After i explained everything i think the words he used were "I think it's the best decision you've made in a long time." Talk about shocked! I ended up telling my mum and a few friends. I was always short of money 2 weeks after pay day, my mates would lend until payday and the cycle would start again.

To be honest i was never really bothered about people knowing, in fact i actually found out that half my mates were in a similar or worse position than me but had carried it off by getting more credit cards.

The positive of all this is that i got it off my chest and along the way helped managed push a few people in the right direction to speak to someone about their situations too.

[kev59]

font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica">quote:<hr height="1" noshade>Originally posted by Broke of London

From all my experience of divorce I always say that you should never ask a man to chose his children over his squeeze...he never will!!! I've seen this experience play out over and over and over again.

My childen always come before any G/F.
was told my one I was seeing my sons to much, when we were talking about moving in together.
Was only seeing them two days after school a week and one weekend a month.
outcome stopped seeing the G/F.

[kallis3]

Apart from when we first got together and his ex stopped him seeing them for a few months, they always stayed with us every other weekend and we took them on holiday every year. I've always had a close relationship with them and their children and now get on well with the ex wife!!!

If only everybody's could be like that!!