I'm not feeling up to snuff tonight so I'm shutting down and going to bed with a book. So here's tonight's offering [:D].....
An airplane full of passengers is in flight from Heathrow to New York when all engines fail. The pilot announces that they have 30 minutes gliding time left but as they are over the North Atlantic there is no chance of making land. Furthermore, due to inclement conditions there is little chance of rescue and whoever survives the crash will, like as not, die of hypothermia.
Everyone is very calm, fatalistic almost. Some begin to pray quietly, some write letters to loved ones. Others speak in hushed tones of their love for each other when all of a sudden a young lady stands and, with all eyes on her, cries, "I am still a virgin. I don't want to die without ever becoming a woman. Will some one help me, please!"
All are embarrassed apart from old Albert, a Lancashire miner who after working down the pit for 40 years has decided to have a good holiday. He stands up and begins to unbutton his shirt. Some look away but some cannot take their eyes of the scene.
In his best Lancashire accent he says "Don't worry thi'sen lass. Ahl make a proper woman out o'thi."
Throwing his shirt to the floor in front of her he makes his demands.
"Get me shirt iron't quick. Ah've a darts match toneet..."
Good night and God Bless
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist
When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric
Here I am doing and saying the same things I did back then and now I'm labelled senile
