Family

[Shining]

Can I just ask did anyone confide in their family/friends re their debt situation? My husband and I know and that is all about our true situation. I found it so difficult to even take a call from a Debt management company and felt so awkward to finally reveal the extremeties of our debt, done this a few times now and this is getting easier, especially with nice non-judgemental people on the other end of the phone. I feel so ashamed and emarrased that I who appears to do it all right is in fact so wrong? I just wish I had the guts to confide in people around me, this forum has helped me so much as this time last week I felt I was the only person in my situation so thanks to each and everyone of you for making me feel slightly better. Here's to putting a positive plan in place by the weekend, just wish I wasn't so apprehensive. Think I would feel better having an IVA in place as I know then the letters and phone calls will eventually stop but sadly not enough disposable income. Again trying to resolve this situation but as with everything it all takes time. Many thanks for listening.

[MelanieGiles]

Hi isthereanend

Well personally I have not because I am an insolvency practitioner and help people to deal with their debts, rather than being in debt myself, but a lot of my clients tell me that they feel such a sense of relief when they tell their family and close friends, so that each party can understand the various constraints on expenditure you might become under.

You are on the right road, having decided that you need to do something now to stop your debts getting any larger, so have faith and find yourself a good IP who will represent your case properly to your creditors.

Regards, Melanie Giles, Insolvency Practitioner for over 20 years.

To have me propose an IVA for you, please visit:
http://www.melaniegiles.com/ivaEnquiry.asp

See customer feedback at:
http://www.iva.com/iva_companies/IVA_Advice_Bureau.asp

[OPTIMIST12]

It took me a while to pluck up the courage to make my first call to CCCS - that initial contact certainly does feel a bit daunting and humiliating. But you soon get to realise that you are just one of many people that they are dealng with and that they are not interested in judging you. Everything was dealt with in a straightforward and down to earth manner.

When I then contacted the IVA company that I am now with the whole thing was much easier as I knew what to expect. And again - they are not interested in judging or lecturing you.

I think talking to friends and family about the situation is a completely different kettle of fish. I have taken a definite decision NOT to discuss it with friends or family. Having taken the decision to go for an IVA I just feel happier dealing with it without involving or worrying others that I know. People can react in unexpected ways!!!I am sure many other people will feel just the reverse and will find it useful to talk about their problems - I guess it just comes down to the individual and what they feel best doing.

I have been interested to read the experiences of posters who are going through BR proceedings. That face to face meeting with the OR DOES sound like a tough experience. There seems so much variation in how people (and their cases) are treated.

Good Luck isthereanend. Whatever you decide - life goes on. And I think the feelings you describe are perfecly normal!!!

[emmaxpete]

Hi - to answer your question, no, me and my husband have not made any family or friends aware of our situation! For the simple fact that we feel terribly ashamed! We are the people in our family that everybody looks up to because we do things 'right', so would not want people to know how we have 'failed' in managing our finances! Also, I am afraid that some friends may look down on our situation and think less of us! But that is just my situation and my feelings!

[aguise]

Hi there
Only you can decide whether to tell anyone or not. I have not told family, but not because I think they will judge me, more because I dont want them to worry and at present there is no need, we are managing. We dont tend to go out , we work most of the time so we dont have to make excuses for not doing things. We have one friend though who knows and it is great to have a chat sometimes about things.
Like Melanie says a lot have told their family and have had great support from them.
I know if it were a member of my family I would be only too glad to support them through, in any way possible.
All the best to you

Ang

Please visit my blog at http://aguise.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[bagpuss]

We did decide to tell our families and i am so glad we did. The reason we decided to tell them was becouse when we were all together they would start to talk about booking holidays together and meals, night outs etc...we always had to make excuses and i felt horrible lying to them. They were great and said they already thought "something" was wrong but didnt no what. They have supported us it also gave my partner and I someone else to talk about things with other than just each other. I would say 100% it has brought us all closer together. If it was my kids thrn i would want to know.

Friends are different, some friends were great and others not so, but i am still glad i did tell them cos it sorted the true friends from the bad ones.

You have nothing to lose, they are your family and i am sure they will support you. xx

[jasperyogi]

Hi there isthereanend,
We have chosen not too tell our family members either, simply too ashamed [V]. I know they would understand but, like many others , they look up to us...good jobs etc. And although I know we are here because I HAD to give up work to take care of my daughter, I still feel they may have expected us to have a healthy savings account!!
We have told a selected number of friends though, but only the ones who we knew would understand. There is a couple who are our closest friends...but we have kept them in the dark, they have been there for us through my daughters illness and many other low points in our life and I just haven't got the heart to tell them this on top of everything else.
Life take some wierd turns sometimes and when you look back on things, sometimes the decisions we make are wrong ....but its a big adventure and a very steep learning curve [;)]
Whatever you decide to do...it will be the correct decision.
xx

Why spend life worrying...when you can spend it smiling!!

[jane.l]

I only told my sister-in-law, who told my brother, who then went on to tell an old friend who deliberately went on another debt forum to find me and said some AWFUL, unforgivable things to me.[:0] I do not speak to my brother and sister-in-law now.

I will never tell anyone else, family or otherwise, I am too ashamed and cannot bear the backlash again, and a relative is very ill so I will not tell anyone

[iva experts]

Hello,

I think it is very important to tell someone you can trust (if possible), especially for those entering into an IVA. An IVA usually runs for 5 years, this is a very long time to go through the whole thing alone.

Best Regards,
IVA Experts
http://www.iva-experts.co.uk/

[andymac]

I like others, found telling my immediate partner the hardest thing of all. A close second was the first contact with an advisor.

After that, you become very sued to discussing it with people. I have not, and would not, want to tell friends, due to the judgement they would make.

[kandh]

We have never told any family that we had an IVA or that we even had debt problems. I told a very close friend of mine when we realised we were in financial trouble and she helped loads emotionally and was always there for me.

I wish that we had told our family but like others, we were just too ashamed that we had got ourselves into that much debt and it was embarassing. But it was so hard to have to deal with it ourselves with virtually no help or anyone to talk to and sometimes it put an awful strain on our marriage as there was a lot of niggling etc and it was an extremely steep learning curve for both of us.

We only told my MIL in August that we had debt problems and had finally got ourselves on the right road and this is when she offered to lend us the money to offer the F&F.

Kerri

[douglass]

I don't feel able to discuss my situation with close friends or family - my father, and my manager at work, at the only people that know. Any the members here, of course, who have been amazingly kind to me. D.

[louisa.s]

We've always been upfront & honest with both friends & family as we are quite honest people and pretty hopeless at keeping anything quiet and it has worked out very well, although last Christmas his family declared we weren't to buy them presents as we were in debt but we still went ahead a brought something little as afterall it is about the thought. If friends know then it does make them more understanding about if you can't do things that often. But at the end of the decision is entirely up to you and your husband!

[Skippy]

I've told my family and friends as I decided it was better that they knew so I wouldn't have to lie when I couldn't do something or go somewhere. Most people have been really supportive and I was glad I told them.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[Shining]

thanks for all these replies, when we get something sorted, we're keeping it between ourselves. I like some of you others are so ashamed, the ones with the good jobs, my fourteen year old is my main concern but she doesn't have that much anyway to be fair only at christmas or birthdays so we'll cope somehow. This forum is so good for me when I'm feel so down right now! Thanks to all x