feel worried all the time

[oscar]

I agree with you footiemad what a fabulous post from mattyboy, nice one
Oscar

[lem]

I echo everyone else Janez, what you are feeling is perfectly normal, we had had a while to get used to budgeting as I became very adept at it for the preceding 3 yrs before we even looked at an IVA (we were keeping our heads above water but not getting anywhere with paying the debts off), but when we took out the IVA, it wasn't the sticking to a budget that worried me, it was wondering what we would do if something goes wrong, we don't have credit to fall back on anymore, but now we are 6 months in, I just get on with it and try not to think about what might happen, nobody can predict the future and I just think let's get through this month by month and deal with problems as they arise.

[KAYKAY]

Janez... easier said than done but please try not to worry, you are doing all you can to correct your situation and this I beleive needs applauding.

SilverLinings..... please please do not say you have failed.... your post tells me that your boys are very very lucky to have such a wonderful mum. You are looking to correct your situation in a very sensible and realistic manner. This in itself does not constitute failure in my eyes. Your life/situation WILL change during the IVA and WILL prove to be for the better. To bring up two boys single handed with no support is an achievement in itself. Do keep your appointment with the doctors tomorrow and try to start looking after yourself. Your boys as you say are the most important thing in your life and you need to be in a good place to ensure they are cared for and that also means caring about yourself too. Please no more talk of failure, the actions you are taking with regards to your IVA show your responsible and mature attitude.... certainly NOT the actions of a failure.

[oscar]

SilverLinings you shine out to me and are truly an inspiration to others.
Oscar

[Rosepetal]

after realising how far down into the sand my dear husband had his head i realise what courage it takes to admit to yourself you are in a mess and need help,that might be debt or any other "problem".

by sharing with your children you can teach them about budgeting. we can get help & HOPE because things can& do get better even if that takes time. your children KNOW they are loved,there is no bigger blessing,trust me i know!
i felt so frightened we didn't have £ for food/couldn't afford the fire on.

there is no quick fix to debt,it takes time getting into it & time getting out of it! the stress of using cc's to fund day-day living has gone- yes there is stress/ worry of not having enough £ when things break.

we are all doing our best to sort things out.

my biggest fear,it makes my tummy flip,is that when we get straight with the money that my husband might take cc's out again. he had cc's& bank loans i knew nothing about,he told me lies saying he'd paid things he hadn't - saying later he didn't want to worry me with my health problems. the impact on trust is a tough one,a test i hope not to have again. there is no item,no holiday etc worth the hell we were in this time last year,i was terrified. it's been very hard but our relationship is strong,i love my husband so very much.

i believe we are all doing our best,be kind to yourselves,if the person in an IVA was your grown up child or a friend you'd support them (maybe even teach them to "roll their own" eh silver linings?),you'd be kind,you wouldn't judge.
have a good day,be kind to yourselves x

[sponge]

I think it's how you look at it, when I had my IVA it made me laugh not cos the IVA in itself is funny but to my mind it's like sticking two fingers up at the greedy money grabbing credit card companys. Don't think for minute they give a toss about you, cos they don't they only care that they keep you in a vice like lifetime grip of rentless demands and misery. F**k em that's what I say. with a base rate of 0.5% and the charge you circa 15-20% or 25-30% in my case. And even if you do pay it back every month they still charge or just don't want your business and that's not forgetting they charge the retailer as well. No change your focus getting an IVA is like beating the dogs that they are with a big stick...Right that's got that one off my chest! Oh and just remember you are the life blood of an IP without us they are nothing. Except for mine of course, he's a very nice man very nice man ekkk

[kallis3]

Sponge - nobody forced you to borrow the money and presumably you did so with the full intention of paying it back. I for one, am glad of the opportunity to pay as much back as I can. I'm also thankful that there such people as ip's to help us get out of this mire and they are worth every penny we pay to them.

[janez]

hi sponge, well i suppose thats one way of looking at being in an iva!i take it you had no worries when you were in yours,

[mattyboy]

Silver linings, you clearly love your boys and will provide them with the best childhood. Having money and nice things doesn't make for a good childhood. When we all look back over the memorable times of childhood how many of these involve pricey goods and expensive possessions? The best thing about the innocence of childhood is not understanding money but understanding love, family and friendship. You haven't failed your boys, the love and time you are putting in proves the opposite and you are making a better future or them.

[kallis3]

I had a fantastic childhood, no money thrown at me but then it was a long time ago!

My daughter and my stepkids had more than me but we did try to rein back on the spending.

I think kids appreciate quality time with their parents more than material gifts sometimes.

I remember buying our daughter a playhouse for her 5th birthday - cost us a fortune at the time and I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times she played in it!

[Shining]

silverlinings, I like the simplistic things in life for my grandchildren, you sound like a wonderful parent. There are positives to an IVA they're not all negatives, life is what you make it too. I feel better off I will admit in my IVA as I have allowances and have learned how to budget properly for the first time for everything, not just get by....we're all here for you at most times.

Janez, I used to think what if this and what if that but now I tend to go through the IVA monthly, once another payments gone and we're all healthy and fed, I feel satisifaction as I'm another hurdle to the finishing line. xx

[kallis3]

Same here with me now Lesley - as hubby goes onto state pension in December we will be struggling so it will be month to month I think.

[Rosepetal]

we might not have the means to do things/replace things on a whim BUT we have food every week, we are eating so much better - fresh fruit & veg every day now. i never ate fruit until the IVA.

we are budgeting together now,my husband can't manage it alone.

[kallis3]

Eat fresh veg but rarely touch fruit - never did pre IVA and don't now. I have to be in the mood for it and it depends what it is!!

I still do the budgeting and seem to be managing pretty well.

[Rosepetal]

it's brilliant having a proper food budget now kallis, we are eating well even though we watch what we spend.
the slow cooker (a tip from here) is a God send,cheap,tasty tea's mmmmm.