Feeling low

[Pap]

Hi

Not sure this is in the right place but to be honest it doesn't matter if it gets read or not I just need to offload a bit.
We've got our meetings next week and I'm at the point of panic and mayhem.
I have complete confidence in our ip, but no confidence at all that anything good will happen for me. I feel strangely calm in a way, almost as if I'm almost resigned to failure. The last few years have ben really unkind to us and added to the iva meeting, we're facing an awful birthday for our child who should be 21 in a few days time but isn't with us anymore.
All in all, I don't really know how much more I can take, not being dramatic or anything but it just seems like too much of a struggle.
I've also realised that its 30 years tomorrow since I started work and here we are up to our necks in debt we can't afford to pay back and with nothing to show for all that time.
I cannot see how our creditors could consider taking our offer, we borrowed the money and now we're saying actually we can't pay it back. I feel so ashamed and guilty and feel dreadful for our surviving child who will end up losing out because I've been an idiot. I've already been useless for the last two and a half years because I haven't coped with what happened then and I'm just not going to be any help in the future either.
Sorry to whinge, and putting you through my pathetic self indulgent outpourings but I suppose I just feel a little sorry for myself right now and so worthless.

I'll stop now before I bore you to tears.

Thanks anyway

x

[trina]

Hi Pap,

Please try not to worry, I felt the same near the time to our meeting. It was accepted and life is much better than pre iva.
I felt such a failure and thought our daughter would suffer for our stupidity, I think it's just a mixture of emotions coming through.

Look after yourself and please dont worry.

Trina x

[kallis3]

Pap you're not boring us! You shouldn't feel ashamed either. You're doing what you can to pay back your creditors.

It's usual to feel panicky before the meeting, your financial future rests on it, but I am sure that everythng will be ok and you will have that weight lifted off your shoulders next week.

Sorry that it is at such a bad time as well. I can't imagine what it must be like, but my thoughts are with you and your family at this time, especially as my daughter turns 21 in just under 3 weeks time.

You're not uselss, you've suffered a big loss, and then this on top.

Don't worry about pouring your heart out on here, we will support you any way we can.

[freelili]

Oh Pap

I really feel for you right now. The thing is debt brings you to your knees you feel out of control and it sounds like you have got yourself through so much already.

I cannot know how you feel hun, not with losing a child, that is an unbearable thought but I just wanted you to know that youre not alone.

You are welcome to pour out here as much as you like, far from being bored to tears, I am very moved by your honesty and sadness.

Please dont blame yourself anymore, its so easy to get to debt ****e street as almost all of us already know. What you need is kindness and a fair few hugs, not just from those who can understand what debt does to your self esteem but from yourself also.

You need to forgive yourself for this mess hun, whatever the reason for getting here, youre doing all you can to address it and make your best offer. You cant do anything more than that.

You do not have to be punished anymore, you do deserve appreciation and love. Life can be so cruel sometimes and sometimes its hard to know when enough is enough, believe me.

Take a step back hun, tell yourself you are a human being with human failings, we all make mistakes. It doesnt mean that we constantly deserve to be punished for them.

Youre feeling really fragile right now so please dont be too hard on yourself.

I wish I could come to where you are and give you a big hug.

Take care now and good luck with the meeting. I am sure your IP will be expecting this to go through.

There will always be someone here to listen and respond when you feel that you need to offload and no one here would ever judge you.

Love to you and yours

[flumpy dog]

Hey pap

you are allowed to feel low hun x

you ask these guys what i was like at the end of oct\nov last year-an absolute wreck

what youre feeling is perfectly normal. you are strong hun-you just need to believe it

in a few months you will look back and you will be helping others with advice and help you'lle see !

we all care about you and you come on day and night when you need to let off.

hang on in there hunny love fergiedoggy xxxx

[Max]

Pap, I am so very sorry you feel as you do; your experience makes me feel a real selfish idiot for all the fuss I have made. I have told you before David admires you greatly for the way you have handled things - and so do I as it happens-and when he reads your letter in the morning it will bring it home to him too. You are a good, caring compassionate woman the evidence is that given all your troubles you have still taken the time to help other people. David and I are catholic Pap so please do not be offended whatever you do with the following words- we shall remember you in our prayers Pap and we will ask our PP to say Mass for you. I hope I have not offended you by saying that. I, and I know I speak for David too, give you my fondest and earnest good wishes and hope that Melanie will get your approval through. One final word Pap - your remaining child has a GOOD mother - never forget that. J

[marksam1]

pap, i had to do 12 hours xmas day i was so far in debt 86,000, but when you have just over 2,000 a month comin in and about 2,600 going out. my other half was at her mothers, i got home at 6pm xmas day to a empty house i was so alone.saw no way out 3 days later i rang for help,like you i was so low,owed all that money ,filled all the forms out,noway would they accept but feb 26th 2009 they did, my life has changed,plz plz keep your head up, your not a bad person cause you owe money,soon you will saying these things to other people GOOD LUCK GIRL X

[tori]

Oh Pap I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult the next few days are going to be for you, and although it is only natural for you to feel anxious about the IVA, at the same time you should feel proud of yourself for having found the courage to face up to your debts and get the situation under control. Please try not to worry, and just remember that we are all here for you. Wishing you the best of luck with your creditor meeting - sending you a big hug xxx

[Beans on Toast]

Hi Pap, there are times in our lives when people say, " I know how you feel", but really they have no idea.

Believe me when I say that each and everyone of us on here have felt the same way you do now, and we do know what you're going through. You have made a decision to take charge of your life again, and at least you have faced up to your problems.

Life is about learning through our mistakes, you haven't committed murder, you're just not great with money.
This week will come and go, I know it is all consuming from getting up in the morning until you go to sleep (if you get much sleep).

As for the creditors, they were quite happy to keep increasing your credit limit I'm sure, they too have played their part in your current problems, if credit was managed better according to income, a lot of us would be in a better place right now.

Keep offloading when you need to, people on here don't mind one jot, that's what the forum is here for, support and advice - and there's no minimum payment required.

Best of luck next week.

[Max]

How are you this morning Pap? Let J and me know please. The last poster has a good point - money was thrown at you - your creditors know it but they will be like politicians - they can't say "sorry" David

[Pap]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I'm still in a very dark place but picked up all your kind messages and wanted to say how much I really appreciate your support.
I have found over the last two and a half years that I am not good if I let myself get too tired and I feel exhausted right now so I think that hasn't helped. I'm off to bed shortly and will be taking my sleeping tablets so I hopefully get a good nights sleep and feel a bit brighter tomorrow.

Thank you all, you're all such good people.

P x

[kallis3]

Glad you are feeling a bit better and hope tomorrow after a good sleep and with sunny weather promised that you feel better still.

[debtmountain]

Hi Pap,..I hope you've had a good nights kip and feeling a bit brighter about things today....It's no wonder why you're feeling so down, losing your child, not that long ago by the sound of things,is a really sad and awful tragedy for anyone in that situation....But like the others say regarding your debts,the majority of us have been through it ourselves and can understand how you're feeling right now. you're not ignoring it,you are doing something about it so should be feeling very proud of yourselves and have nothing to feel guilty about..I'm sure your other child will understand, as kids our family never had a lot but we were well loved,fed and cared for, that's all that matters..Just remember,this isn't forever,just a few years and then you can look forward to having that new debt-free life..Good luck with your creditors meeting date, I'm sure everything will be fine for you, just remember that we're all here for you to give you the help and support that you really need at the moment, we all care about you!!..xx[:)]

[kallis3]

Hope you are ok this morning Pap.

[Pap]

Thanks again everyone,
I did take sleeping tablets last night so was able to sleep for quite some time!
Feeling fair today, on the verge of tears most of the time, but not quite so bleak. Meeting at 12 & 12.30 on Monday so not long to go now although I still don't hold out much hope.
Hope to get back on later and actually take part in the forum but will see how I go as I don't want to be mrs negativity!!!
Sorryfor causing any concern, I really didn't think many people would read the post.

Take care all and thank you.

P x