Finding things so hard

[angelrainbow]

I just need to have a little space to vent. I am finding everything so hard at the moment. I don't expect anyone to reply, I just need to get it all out somewhere.
I guess I still have a lot of unresolved issues with my partner over everything. He hid the debt problems from me, even when I asked him outright he would assured me all was well. I was never going to open mail addressed to him and didn't know how bad things had got until it was too late.
When I met him I had £10,000 in savings..now just 5 years later I am listed as insolvent, through no fault of my own at all. I was very careful with credit after learning my lesson the hard way as a student many years ago!
He is my fiance, the father to my two beautiful girls and I truly do love him...but I still have this real deep seated feeling that he let us all down, lied to us all. When we argue, which happens more often than not due to having two very young children who aren't sleeping through the night, I throw the IVA and losing our home back at him...and then hate myself for it the next day.
I don't even feel I fit in here, I know my opinions aren't popular and that I am not one of the clique, but more it is because I am just not in the same position as the majority.
I have lost my home, am struggling daily, and I don't even fit in with a forum of people who are also insolvent.
I am just so down all the time at the moment.

[kallis3]

I'm sorry you feel that way AR.

There is not a clique on here, if people disagree with others opinions, they will say so, doesn't matter who it is. Even the professionals have been known to have the odd spat on here. Most of us have little 'run ins' at some point or other.

My husband was very much the same as you were - I told him everything was ok when it wasn't and continued to live the lie until the phone calls caught up with me at home when he was there and it all came out.

After an awkward few days (not good over Christmas) we sat down and talked about it. Our IVA is now 14 months old, we talk about it openly between ourselves and never once have either of us blamed the other.

Perhaps you need to sit down and have a really good talk about how this is affecting you both and how you can work through it.

[wickerwish]

angel even though ive only posted on here a few times i wouldnt say there was a clique. Some names crop up more than others but thats only because thye are friendly and know what they are talking about. Everyone made me feel welcome. I have worked in a sweet factory for 27 years (this one im at only 5) but i wished they were as friendly as these lot on the forum.

[poppyfairy]

Hi Angel

Do you know something you are one brave and strong lady. You faced what many run away from and you sorted things for your family. Having just gone BR I understand the frustration, uncertainty etc. especially for my children. Don't be so hard on yourself - you are trying to keep all the cogs working in your family and it is so hard. Is there someone who could babysit for you? Maybe you and your husband could go out for the evening. I know money is an issue but could you manage a quiet drink in a pub? Or even a walk in a park/woods in the evening - you could even take a picnic and have some fun! Sometimes, I find, the walls of my home feel like a prison and just getting out for a walk clears my head. I think it would do both your husband and you the world of good to get out for a bit - together - and it will help you remember all the things you love about one another. It will give you the chance to talk without worrying about seeing to the children and then getting lost in their care. Those two or three hourse could help you both so much.

I would say Angel that your input on here is invaluable. You have posted loads to help others including me and I can't thank you enough. It would be dead boring if we was all the same which is why each person on here is so special cos their one post could change the whole way as individuals we view things.

Sending you a cyber hug and hoping you have a good day Angel cos you deserve it.

Poppyfairy [:)]

[angelrainbow]

Aww Poppy, I know what you mean about the 4 walls feeling like a prison!
My girls are 19 months and 32 months - two toddler tornadoes, arguing constantly. I adore them, but I feel I have lost who I am totally.
I honestly can't remember the last time the other half and I had a night out. Certainly not this year, I think it may have been the first week in December last year, and that was the first time in a long time.
My parents have health worries. Mum was diagnosed with an acoustic neuroma and my Dad bladder cancer within about 14 days of each other and my girls don't sleep through and are little terrors to get down at night and I don't like to burden someone else with them causing havoc. The inlaws can't drive so they can't get to us and I don't wan to unsettle my two hard to settle girls anymore by having them try and go down in someone elses house and then pick them up again.
I have at times just left them yelling at each other and gone out in the garden and had a good cry.
I used to do loads of meditation and relaxation, but I feel to stressed and wound up to try it at the moment. I am kind of in a catch 22.
We are all having a week away soon, we bought a £500 caravan off eBay with money we raised from selling on stuff like the girls clothes and toys etc (and I still feel a bit guilty for that even though I know I am allowed to keep money made from selling your stuff on) so we are off in the carvan. A change of scene will be good, perhaps the OH and I can crack open a bottle of wine and snuggle in the awning and have a good talk.
I shouldn't just throw how I feel at him and the IVA stuff when I am tired or cross. I should sit down and say "this is how I feel", perhaps getting it out in the open in a non confrontational way will help.
Thanks for listening!

[wonder]

I'm not in a clique. I started posting on here on May 3rd but it feels months ago. I think some people on here have been posting for months & years and got to know each other. I only know about half a dozen on here myself. I think your opinion counts alot, there are two sides to everything and its not a bad thing to disagree with what some people think. Some people will say they agree with you others will not. I tend to come on here if Im bored and chat. I only came on originally because hubby was on it all his waking hours so i came to see what it was all about. I have a little girl 32 months who is a right pain sometimes and now a blooming puppy who plays rough with her. Its crazy. I get some peace when I go to work. Keep posting as its nice to see different people with an opinion of their own. Chin up, we're in the same boat and it does get hard sometimes.[:)]

[Shining]

Hi AR, remember where I am if you need me...we're local to each other, have a moan at me! I don't mind honest...hope you have a great time in your caravan and spend a bit of time together. We don't argue about IVA but life keeps throwing stuff at us and I often think it's the last straw but from somewhere we muster up some strength and carry on. We've had a nightmare tonight with a family issue but I'm finally calming down. The support you get here for me is so reassuring.

[plasticdaft]

I wish I had a caravan!!! Damn stoopid tent!!!

[poppyfairy]

Good Morning Angel

I hope this finds you feeling a bit better.

I have been thinking about you loads and suddenly remembered an organisation that may be able to help you. When both of my children were little (ages 2 and 3) I got in contact with an organisation called Home Start www.home-start.org.uk. This is an organisation which has groups all over the country of volunteers who go to families homes where they are needing some support. For me, it was the fact that both my children were beginning their journey of diagnosis for their disabilities, the demands for both children was so immense. I have no family as mine disowned me when they found out that the children were disabled - I was considered a failure. So had nobody at all (ex-husband was not good). I got in contact with Home Start and they introduced to me this wonderful lady who was like a Mum to me and Granny to the children. She came every week for a couple of hours to help me with the children. Sometimes if I needed to go to hospital with one she would look after the other for me etc. Once you and the children got to know your volunteer and felt happy you could ask if for one week would they mind doing their hours in an evening so you can go out with hubby. The organisation is there for families who are going through a difficult time, so you dont need to be alone. All volunteers are trained and crb'd. Just having someone come each week to help me was wonderful - the adult conversation - the support. It made such a difference. Home Start will help up until the children go to school. It's worth a try Angel - you so need some support right now - for you and the family as a whole. I found everyone in Home Start was lovely - so caring. No-one is out to judge etc. they just want to help and support where you need it.

I hope you managed to get some sleep last night, and that you are able to have a brighter day to day. It will get better hun and you will get there.

Take loads of Care x

Poppyfairy [:)]

[wonder]

When you all have your real problems I feel such a moaner when I have nothing to moan about only the IVA which at times really upsets me as my kids will miss out on things. I was trying to pay off my debts but hubby couldn't so we both went into IVA. I blame hubby for putting such low expenditure for food etc. We have had a few problems as well as debts, but when I'm on here i can forget or talk about things. I for one love the people on here, because we are all different, we all have a different story and different advice & experience. I dont give a lot back to this forum as i am not an expert on iva's but I can share my views and chat. Been feeling a bit "ill"/tired recently so haven't come on as much, but I know you are here when I need you. [:)]

[mish1953]

Hi Angel, vent away lass better out than festering . I dont come on here much anymore so am entirely cliqueless ( some would say clueless ) [:o)].
IMHO looking for the positive is a 'good thing', you've got 2 beautiful bairns ( 3 if you count your hubby ), you lost your house ( where did you last see it ) but have a roof over your head and it sounds like a pretty nice roof, the nice veg man next door is keeping your family healthy, you have taken control of the problem and are dealing with it.
All really good positive stuff - you and pat yersel on the back - then imagine your neighbours watching you - they will think you have gone nuts.
Looking at your posts, you are a frugal fiend - sorry friend - Im not in an IVA ( what are you on here for then ) but am on an IPA ( no not India Pale ale ) for 3 years ( 15 months to go ) so I know a bit about frugalnessessityness . Write in here lots ,it helped me many, many times when I was low and helped me keep what little sanity I have.
Cheers Mish
Single dad, was possessed ( now exorcised ), still skint, and laughing ( giggling dementedly ) in the face of adversity.

[angelrainbow]

Thanks eveyone, you are all the BEST.Group hug!

[flumpy dog]

hey angel-just caught up with this.


listen hun these guys listen to my junk all the time ![:D]

thats what makes this place so special-we help each other. im still so grateful to have ever found it-i shudder to think what would have happened otherwise [:(]

hope youre good xx[:o)]

[angelrainbow]

I wish I had a caravan!!! Damn stoopid tent!!!

We did have a tent, but as we have two toddlers now we thought a caravan would be easier. Took us a while to raise the £500 on eBay (including selling the old tent!)but the van we have is super nice. Looked at the same make and year one at a caravan sales centre near us and it was up fo £1,700!!!

[kallis3]

Tents have never done it for me I'm afraid, and caravans have to be static and have all mod cons.

If it's not got everthing under one roof, then I'd rather stay at home!