first time I have spoken to anyone about my debts

[worrywart]

Thank you skippy,
love your philosophy (sorry is that the correct spelling?)
Will read your blog tomorrow, getting late now
thank you again

PJ

[scaredkez]

thank you worrywart for your kind words, that's why all of us are here and still posting, if we can help support or comfort anyone in the same position we found ourselves in then it makes us feel all the more better, any time you need any info regarding the BR just ask away, i am sure those of us who have done it will be more than glad to help you, believe me the feeling once you have done it is immense, ok you feel you have got off lightly in some sense of the word, but it has been a hard and long road to travel and we will be with you all the way.
good luck my friend
kerri

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[thebear29uk]

Hi Kerri

Thanks for your kind words. Yes mums (and dads) are so understanding. I was particularly nervous because they are from the generation where if you didn't have the money you didn't have the lifestyle. However they do realise that credit is much easier to come by now. I rang them at about 6.30 last night and was on the phone for about an hour. They ended the call saying go and sit down and have a cup of tea. Bless them. They dont seem to realise I have been coming to terms with this for the last few months. My mum even phoned me at 10.30 to check I was okay. She told my sister she was worried about me.

I'm obviously worried about my situation but if I was going to do anything daft I would have by now. Anyway we chatted again tonight and she was asking more questions about what stage I'm at and things.

Best wishes

Dave

[scaredkez]

mine come from that generation too, more mum than dad as she had a very poor upbringing, her mum on her own with 5 kids and vowed never to get into debt and she never has, but they have been so supportive of me, it gets a bit much with the food parcels and me trying to tell them we actually have more money now, and yes the phone calls when hubby was away as if they were worried i was going to do something silly, it has calmed down a bit now, but i am glad they know everything as every time they visited i was so scared the phone would go, now you know they are behind you will be a huge weight off your shoulders
kerri

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[lily]

well done bear, gosh its quite a shock to realise that you were going through this alone for so long and being so supportive of others. I am soo please you will be getting the support from your family now.

Good luck with everything

lily

[Skippy]

I'm pleased it went well for you Bear. I remember how hard it was to tell my mum, firstly about the IVA and then the BR but she was great and wished I'd told her sooner.

I'm still getting the food parcels, but I'm not complaining - she shops at the local organic butchers and it's sooooo much nicer than Asda! Seriously, I have told her not to do it, but she was offended and thought I didn't like her food!

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[jane.l]

I only see my mum at birthdays and Christmas but she may have an inkling already about my financial problems, I made the mistake of mentioning it to my sister-in-law (she is the only person I have told) and she told a "friend", this is the "person" who I used be close to and they then went on another forum and found me and said some awful things to me , that its all my fault through greed and materialism and that the honourable thing now is suicide! I was gobsmacked that someone I used to know could be so awful, I agree that they are entitled to their opinion, but to be so spiteful as to trace me just to be nasty is unbelievable!

I think my sister-in-law has probably said something to my mum as the last time I saw her, she was very distant and just sat there looking at me disapprovingly! (maybe I'm just paranoid) I think my dad may be a bit more understanding, I will tell them when the deed is done, not something I am looking forward to, after this past week!


This is taking its toll on me now, after this week's events, I have decided not to speak to my sister-in-law and brother ever again, so I am quite worried about my parent's reaction, its getting lonelier and lonelier being a bankrupt (well, nearly a bankrupt!!)

[aguise]

Well done Dave, it must be a huge relief and nice to know you have the support.
Jane I stll can never understand why people are so cruel and probably never will. Try not to fall out with family, I agree your sister inlaw has let you down terribly, could you not speak with your brother and find out if mum knows and if she does maybe it would be best to explain the situation, she may be upset that you havent said anything to her. Only my opinion, you will know yourself the best way to go.

You have done your very best to sort your situation out and that is something to be proud of, others bury their head and hope it will go away, but it wont, we all have found that out. We are all here for you if you want a chat or some support.
Chin up and plos on you are nearly there and soon will feel better believe me.

Ang xxxxx

[worrywart]

Hello again,
Well, at the moment I am trying to fill out my Statement of Affairs
form, and I am having lots of problems will quite a few of the
questions.
As there are so many I dont quite understand, is there anyone
I can have a long conversation with, as I would hate to give the
wrong information or perhaps not the full information.

Also, I have read that there is a possibility that we could lose
our rented home (Housing Assocation) as we have arrears, but they
are paid weekly, on a regular basis. I feel quite sick of the
thought, cos we have been here for 26 years,and cannot find a copy
of the original Lease agreement.

Any help from anyone will be most appreciated.

Thanks
PJ

agreement

[lily]

Hi Jane

People can be cruel and nasty and make you feel bad for telling the truth. You are the expert when it comes to your life but I really wouldnt not speak to your sister in law and brother, dont stoop to that level, its so easy to judge when you havent been in that situation yourself. Family feuds are a crock, please dont let it happen to yours. At the end of the day, none of us will ever be remembered for material things, the houses we live in, the clothes we wear, cars we drive or how fat and thin we are. What really matters is how you care for others, touch other peoples lives, smile through your trials and sorrows. Being sweet is so much better than being bitter, whatever they throw at you.

Worrywart, speak to your local council they work closely with housing associations to find out what their policies are, I am sure you will be fine though. Good luck




lily

[thebear29uk]

Hi all

Missed some of your replies the other day and just picked up the thread again. So thank you to Lily, Skippy and Ang for your kind words.

Lily you are right that carrying this around on my own is difficult but I'm fortunate to have 2 very good friends who know the whole situation from the start and I bounce of them any time I need to let off steam. But equally important, I don't feel I've been alone at all as I think we've all shared this journey together and helped each other along the way. At times I've been humbled by the plight of others. Lily for the loss of your mother, Jane for the injustice of Picture/NR stopping the sale of your house, Kerri having your car taken. And I've been heartened by every single approved IVA and when things have turned out well. Kerri getting the car back being my favourite.

I'm hoping I'm near to the end of my journey now. I will let you know as the final pieces fall into place.

Anyway thanks to all of you for all the support. Without this forum I would probably be in a failing IVA with an IVA factory by now and more depressed than I could imagine.

Regards

Dave

[olympic_torch]

In common with other posters on this topic i cannot bring myself to tell my nearest and dearest about our situation. In my 2 daughters case it is purely to protect them from the situation we are in, although we have had to tell our eldest we will not be able to help out with her wedding for a while.
As for telling my dad, phew, i would rather have hot pins put in my eye!, different generation i suppose, my mum and dad had b***** all, but what they did have they saved for. i well remember being dragged round the local pawn shop and jewellers as a kid whilst they tried to sell anything of value they had.


Aucto Splendore Resurgo.
(2 down, 58 to go)

[lily]

Well we love you Mr torch, debts and all, if you were my Dad or Son I would be proud. (Propably not old enough to be the latter though). Cos you have been/are on this journey and understand.

lily

[olympic_torch]

Bless you lily x.
its nice to be able to unload your baggage.
talking of which, where's Mrs Torch...........

Aucto Splendore Resurgo.
(2 down, 58 to go)

[Skippy]

Ooooh, I presume Mrs Torch doesn't read this forum!!!

I agree with Lily - I'd be proud of you if you were my dad or son. Yes you have debts, but you have faced up to them and are now on the road to a debt free future. As well as that, you have kept your humour - your posts always make me smile.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/