good morning

[scaredkez]

good morning everyone well i can't sleep,too much is going on around me with family life let alone my own debt problems, i have been feeling pretty down this week not knowing which way to turn, i want a life i haven't got one at present looking over my shoulder,lily has been so supportive off boards, why is debt leaving me feeling this way i am trying to right this situation but the creditors don't want to know sorry all know BR is the only way just need to vent at present
kerri

[freelili]

Nor me Kez, keep thinking about the for sale sign going up outside moms house, it was strange a family meal without her also. Oh s**t, I wish I could have straight forward feelings about it. We will be zombies tomorrow. Vent away, I know what your going through. Take care. Love to all

LILY

[scaredkez]

hubby shouted at me last night for not going to bed again, its what i needed, i just lay there crying, he has tried to phone this morning but i have refused to speak to him, its because i have no excuse for not going to bed other than i can't sleep, i know he is worried about me but just can't face a lecture this morning.
well its nice and bright and sunny here hope it stays klike that as i have a mini footie tournament at 12 will get the thermals out ready
kerri

[freelili]

Hi Kez

You really should accept his help, you will need it to get through this, he really is under stress as well, I am sorry to be blunt. You guys need to stick together with this, it will help the kids too. Good luck with the footie and I hope you will get through the day OK. I am worried about you. My kids worry about me also, I tell them as much as they can understand, we are in it together, it really helps. I only have occaisional nights now where I dont sleep, I did get to the point where I almost collapsed in a shop and they wanted to get an ambulance. I cannot imagine what would have happened to the kids if I had. Please, please take care.
Love

LILY

[Skippy]

Oh Kerri, please don't let this come between you and your husband any more than it has. You really need each other at this time, and in the future. He is obviously worried about you (as we all are), so please let him help you.

Just to let you know I am thinking of you Kerri, and you Lily xxx

Onwards and upwards!!!

[scaredkez]

hi thanks guys we are fine, i just didn't want to get upset again this morning so wouldn't speak to him at first i eventually did b4 i went to the footie, he is just so concerned about me when he is away and i suppose it plays on his mind that he isn't here all the time to take as much of the flack as i do, i know we will get through this its just taking that huge BR step which i think now has to be sooner rather than later as i can't cope with all the different emotions i am going through, i need to try and sleep more that is not helping, so i have decided not to sit in front of the computer as much and may be go to bed by 10.30 at the latest and take a book with me and read if i can;t sleep.
my dad won £200 at the bingo thursday night, he never goes but went with my mum so they have just treated us to a kentucky for our tea, so i have had a very nice day today, the footie was good and the weather was nice.
kerri

[freelili]

Hi Skippy thinking of you also, you are two really lovely people and coco too, how are you getting on? I miss Dominic also and DD

So glad you had a good day Kez. Its a good idea to go to bed, even if you dont sleep youre resting. when I read your post I said ahh, so glad you had a treat, you deserve it. I was awake all night but I am OK, tired, but have done loads of things I have been putting off. I was thinking, had a few sad tears last night. Sad tears go with time and are a good thing, we laugh when we are happy dont we? Tears of joy are good too. Desperate tears seem to come from the soul and its like youre shut in a room with no exit, however hard you look, even if there is a door its the black scary door. I am going to depress you, better shut up. Anyway I get deep sometimes and this is what I want to do, reach out and pull Kerry out of that place, I just dont know how, but I'll be there for you anyway.

Good luck to you all
love

LILY

[thebear29uk]

Hi Kerri, Skippy (Tracey), Lily and Coco

This is a very difficult time for all of you. I always read your posts as it stops me feeling sorry for myself and makes me realise that the world isn't just against me.
My situation is bad in its own way but I haven't had family bereavements and I'm a single man with no dependants. I know the next 5 years are going to be tough but when you only have to worry about feeding and clothing yourself and not whether the children have grown out of their clothes again or want to go on a school trip I'm sure it will be okay.
My heart goes out to anyone going through this but especially those of you with young families.
I know some of the posts talk about trying to deal with this without telling loved ones. My previous partner and I split up last Oct just as I decided the time had come to deal with my problems. I told her at the time we split up and I met her last week. She told me she was hurt and disappointed that I couldn't share my problems with her. But I pointed out it wasn't deceit but shame that prevented me discussing it with her. She had one credit card and paid the balance in full each month.
My parents don't yet know and I would like it to stay that way. I live on the South coast and they live up North. However my elderly aunt told me a while ago that I'm in her will but my sister is not. She is nearly 97 and not in the best of health. I'm sure my family would want me to do the honourable thing and split any potential inheritance with my sister which I would be more than happy to do but if I'm in an IVA this would all go to the creditors. I don't have an issue with that. I want to pay my creditors back as much as I can. I'm just concerned about the impact on this with my family.
Anyway I just wanted to share this as it is nagging away at me all the time. I'm very close to my family and I know they would eventually understand but I dont want to disappoint them or worry them any more than necessary.
So anyway please all keep posting and stay strong for one another.

Take care

Dave

[Skippy]

Hi Bear (I love that name!), I can really feel for you regarding your family. Telling my mum was the hardest thing that I have ever done, but apart from the look she gave me (you know the sort that mothers specialise in!) she's been great, and even offered to take more equity out of her house for me. Obviously I said no to that, and she doesn't actually know how much I owe!

It is hard telling people. My partner said to me last night that he wishes I'd told him sooner about my debts, but like you say the shame makes you keep it all to yourself. I think I've got past the shame stage now, and now if people offer to pay for anything for me, I say yes. I will owe a lot of people at the end of my IVA, not because they want anything back from me, but because I want to do something for them and I will be happy to do it.

I am one of the lucky ones, I don't have children (no maternal instincts whatsoever, although I'm ok with other peoples!), so I don't have the worries about child minding fees and clothes for them. I do feel very guilty that my partner is subsidising me so much so that my IVA can (hopefully) run its course - it wasn't meant to be like this.

I know you have thought about this a lot, but please think again about telling your parents. I waited until my IVA was approved before telling my mum, as I wanted to prove to her that I had done something about is - it made it seem better somehow. Are you in an IVA or waiting for your creditor's meeting? Sorry, I know you've already said somewhere but I've got a brain like a sieve, or daylight between the ears as my partner says! I'm sure you'll find that your parents are more disappointed that you haven't been able to share this with them.

I have set myself a some goals for when the IVA finishes as I think it will help me get through it - I will take my partner on holiday, save up for a sporty car (I'll be 36 so a bit old, but what the heck!), do something for my mum and hopefully get married. My partner is a bit unsure about the last one, but says he'll think about it!

One last thing - where abouts on the south coast are you from? My partner's mum has a holiday cottage in Pagham, near Chichester and we go there sometimes for the weekend. I envy you living on the South Coast - I love it!

Anyway, keep strong, and we are all here for each other as we are all in the same boat.

Onwards and upwards!!!

[thebear29uk]

Hi Skippy

You make some very good points there. I did type a post to you last week but lost it before sending. In it I was saying to hang in there regarding the BR. It would seem you are now doing that pending the result of the variation meeting. My main point though, was to tell you that you seem to have a partner who loves you very much and do everything you can to hold onto him. I guess a post IVA wedding would see to that. lol. You mention needing support and Dave is always there for you judging by your posts.

Like you I have always been conscious of accepting something somebody else paid for. I often would buy the first and last rounds in the pub and sometimes buy people drinks knowing they wouldnt be getting me one back. That all changes now. A few close friends know my situation and one in particular has been brilliant. He will stand me a couple of pints if I'm out and has told me if I need any money for anything just ask.

I'm just awaiting the draft proposal from Melanie in the next week or so then need to sign and return it so with 21 days notice I guess I'm looking at 4-6 weeks til my creditors meeting.

My thoughts for post IVA would be to SAVE UP to go to Australia and visit family there. I'm lucky in as much as I get a company car which I will change twice during the next 5 years but I will not have another credit card.

I live in Southampton and moved here to be nearer the coast as I like to sail. However that is one very expensive hobby that is now on hold as far as chartering goes but I'm looking into crewing on weekend regattas as skippers are usually grateful of the help so its free!!!!.

I will tell my parents but like you I want to wait until I have something concrete to tell them.

Best wishes
Dave (Bear)

[scaredkez]

now that sounds a good idea post iva wedding will start saving for my hat!!!
bear i told my parents about our situation, i was dreading it very much, i haven't told them the true cost as they just wouldn't be able to see how we got in so deep, they have been very understanding and only wished i had told them sooner instead of trying to rush them out every time they visited because the phone might go, they do not want me to go BR as i think they still see it as a big stigma, they live the next avenue to me and they have been here for years and so i think they will think everybody will be looking and talking about them, which isn't true its my mess anyway.
i would love to take the children back to florida as my little girl wasn't born when we went and she would so love to see a princess castle, so thats our goal for putting them through all this we hope to finally get them to florida the eldest may be a bit too old and she may have grown out of the princess thing, but firstly we need to get this mess sorted.
bear i have a friend who lives in australia, doesn't know anything of this and she often asks me to go over so that could be something to work towards also.
kerri

[Skippy]

I've just got to convince Dave that marriage is a good idea! If we do it after my IVA we'll have been together 14 years, so if we don't do it then I don't think we ever will!!! He's been married before and I think it's a case of once bitten twice shy.

Bear, I have pretty much been told that I won't get a variation meeting but I'm going to persevere but I am going to ask anyway. BR is my absolute last resort.

Good luck getting to Australia Bear and Kerri - you never know I might see you out there. I've got family out there as well and I've always wanted to go.

Onwards and upwards!!!

[thebear29uk]

Skippy you should go to Australia. If only to see the look on peoples faces when you tell them you are called Skippy[:D]

[scaredkez]

skippy i am sure he won' refuse after everything you have both been through, not kidding about that hat though!!
kerri