he is sitting watching tv and avoiding getting into a coversation - he's not a particularly good talker anyway, but we have to try to get this out at some point - we did talk a lot last night and I explained to him the ins and outs, but he was so distraught I'm not sure how much of it he took in. I thunk he wants me to "get the wheels in motion" as he said to me last night (which I have with Tina), so I guess I need to leave him to come to terms with it. I am not going to try and initiate a conversation tonight - he will probably say something like "I don't want a big conversation about the whole sorry mess"
I can't help but wonder if it would be better to get divorced for his sake
That sounds like Dave, my partner. Whereas I will talk about things and get them out in the open (I can't bear bad feeling) he will sit there in silence.
Please don't think about divorce, I'm sure he'll come round in his own time - it's a lot for him to take in but he will x
Thanks - things are already underway with Tina - but I do find your post quite alarming. I've taken my advice - and yes, if I hadn't done something then I'd be in even more trouble
Sorry to be brutal but these are things that will affect any IVA
I really do wish you well but at the same time you have taken the first step
That is the hardest thing your other half whilst hurtingf came back
You have to be strong but honest do not hide the consequences
Good luck
Hello iamsobad (!) I am too (bad that is) - I have spent the whole of 2009 juggling everything and lying to my gorgeous kind hearted husband the man of my dreams who I never thought I would meet - he now knows everything which is why he is so devastated - he's just gone out again - its very hard for him and I have effectively detroyed his life - he may feel differently in time, but at the moment I can't change that and have to deal with the consequences. I am crying as I type becuase I am not sure he will get over this - it was hard enough to bring him back from the brink when I met him.
I didn't do this deliberately - I don't have any designer handbags/shoes/clothes - anything of any value - I messed up big time and that could mean the end of our marriage - which scares me to death - I can deal with being hurt, but I never wanted to hurt such a nice decent honourable person.
I can only hope that Tina and Melanie help me sort this so that we can move on
Hi I'm about 3 weeks ahead of you ! I sat my husband down and had the same conversation afew weeks ago. You've made that first step which is so hard, it took me a year to tell my hubby. I actually printed off these forum notes and let him read them.I think this helpt him understand what and why and also allowed him to read things you probably feel unable to say to him. I think this help't us both. And I too felt worse for a few days, but it will get easier. I'm sure that when he understands how this has made you feel and act he will support you and it will bring you closer together.
I think were getting back on track now and 3 weeks on Ive just spent an hour laughing and playing with my children which I have felt unable to do for a long time and it felt great.
Thinking of you, its a very difficult time for you both but you'll get there. xx
When I first told my hubby that we needed to go into an IVA, he was like no way, we can deal with it. He didn't know the level of our debt which is mostly in my name. In his mind we were bankrupt, which in some respects we are, insolvent is a better word but he came round and smelled the coffee after many difficult conversations.
You have realised that you can't go on living on credit and I truly hope your hubby will see the light at the end of the tunnel and love you forever. xxx
7 year IVA completed in December 2016 - there is light at the end of that tunnel
Thank you minime - I appreciate you tsking the time to tell me your story. He has gone out again and hasn't eaten - I can only think he is somwhere getting sloshed. He is the master at making everything seem ok though, so he may be in the pub with his brother - I have text him to say how sorry I am and that I want him to take care of himself as he hasn't eaten and is drinking. I am worried, but have to leave him alone for a bit as this is so awful for him.
Hopefully we will be able to tlak tomorrow and things will get easier - I have only 2 friends who now know and they are not local, but are supporting me by telephone. Easy for me - my husband will not tell a soul - he is a very private person - its hard enough for him to talk to me.
I can't do anymore except arm him with the fact when he is reay to ask for them. Hopefully he loves me enough to get through this.
Thanks again - any reply helps me a lot and I appreciate people spending their Friday nights trying to support me
What a mess - I don't even have anything flash to show for it (
Bless you, I really feel for you, but you've got friends to speak to and its good to have that support. I haven't told anyone, like you feeling very ashamed so this forum has been a lifeline. Keep posting when you feel down and people soon pick you up again.x
I was in exactly the same postion as you, my husband left me to deal with the finances. Like you I did not buy expensive clothes or things like that. My debts just mounted up over a number of years bringing up two daughters and just trying to have a decent life. I had not added up how much I owed could'nt face it! It was a shock when I found out.
My husband was very upset when I told him,It was one of the worse times of my life he said he wished he was dead.
However he did come round and did not blame me entirely. I have been in an IVA for 7months now and it is a relief. It is tough
having to really budget but totaly necessary. My husabnd sometimes makes the odd remark that makes me feel guilty but other than that things are ok.
Please try not to beat yourself to much you are certainly not alone.
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