There are so many things going on in our lives, it gets increasingly difficult to remain in control.
You have been very brave facing up to the problem. You've probably been sleepless and panicking - please see your GP and seek support if you have; you do not have to deal with this alone - it must have been very difficult to broach the subject with your husband and I want to say very well done for being so strong (even though I expect you don't feel this was the case).
There are so many people suffering these feelings of anxiety, guilt and regret and I think that it's the impact of so many outside pressures. This may have come as a shock to your husband, but maybe he has also been ignoring the signs. It is so difficult when you've started to try to deal with things yourself - wanting to protect your loved ones from concerns - to think to making time to sit down to talk about these things. I know that you want to shield your loved ones from these worries by shouldering the burden and dealing with it yourself. No-one can criticize you for demonstrating such selfless behaviour.
It isn't going to be easy, but I have to say how wonderful I think you are for taking action.
I know that you are getting some wonderful support here from the forum - I really don't think there's anywhere better than here - and that you've approached Melanie and her team who are held in such high regard, you've definitely tried to deal with the situation the best that you can.
If your husband remains distant or you have any concerns, please seek out support - ‘Relate’ immediately springs to mind but if you approach your GP, they’ll surely have details of support groups in your local area – to help you deal with these problems.
Please keep posting – I really hope things start to progress soon.
Kind regards,
Angela Rosler
Insolvency Manager
Helping people with their debt problems for nearly 10 years.
Contact me directly for free, impartial, confidential help and guidance.
Melanie - do you ever sleep - I am sure you will speak to me as I will be talking to Tina on Monday - and so far she has been a star.
Kallis - thank you fpr telling me your story - I am still sat here blubbering like a wuss
Melanie - I will try, but I can't see it happening - thanks for the offer though - maybe in a few days he will feel a bit more open
At least I have this forum to fall back on - I don't blame him - it is kind of a big deal (to say the least)
I have njuts eaten 2 pieces of toast - the first food since Weds night. That's one achievement eh, especially as I was in hospital this week having tests as I have been ill - hmmm - wonder what the cause of all that is eh?
I sleep a little! But not so much as I get older!!!
I remember my husband once not speaking to me for a whole week, but they do come round and at the end of the day he loves you very much, just needs to get his head around the situation. Maybe he is also feeling a little guilty for not taking more part in the family finances, and not supporting you when you needed him to be there to make decisions.
All will be better by this time next week - and glad you have had a snack as you will feel better. Promise us all that you will not let this affect your health - as this is the most precious thing that you have and you will need to be strong over the next few weeks.
oh god, thank you - I am so pathetic and made such a massive mistake - how come everyone is so nice?
I will try to look after myself, I have spent so long looking after everyone else its kind of hard and that is why I am ill.
I am not making a coffee - enough of the wine as it doesn't help does it. My cat is on my lap and looking after me - I can only hope hubby come home in one piece.
soashamed - I am sure hubby will come round, it will have been a shock to him.
I do know that once mine found out, even though it caused a few problems, I felt a sense of relief. I had carried the burden myself for so long - and even resorted to lying to him by telling him that we were fine money wise. I knew what it would do to him.
So glad you have had something to eat - you need to keep your strength up.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
I am sure he will be fine. Just needs to get his head around things.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
You are definately not pathetic - you are a very brave lady who has taken the first step to finding a positive future for you and your other half. But I know it doesn't seem like that right now.
Give your moggie a big cuddle, and save some love for that hubby who will probably stagger through the door later on and tell you (slurrily no doubt!) how much he loves you. Men can often be so undemonstrative, but deep down he will find the inner strength to become your rock.
I didn't know about the debt we got into - which happened as I was ill with severe post-natal depression and couldn't work. We also don't have anything to show for our debt. When I found out I was shell shocked and totally blamed myself (as you would) and for not realising beforehand. To be honest our relationship did suffer at first as we had to re-adjust to trust each other again. It was also difficult telling our parents as we felt like a total failure. However, despite the perceived stigma attached to financial difficulties we have all rallied together during the difficult times - resulting in a much more closer family.
Please don't feel ashamed - financial difficulties can (and do) happen to anyone. It isn't something "bad" you've done. You've made the biggest step - admitting your debt and then asking for help. If your husband loves you - he will come round - so you can work together on this. Remember the 5 years (or however long your IVA will be for) WILL come to an end. We've all been there - it's more common than you think - and we are all here for you x
Fingers crossed for you. At least with an IVA the creditors will get something back as opposed to bankruptcy - so hopefully they will support your application. Let us know how you get on.
Hello soashamed70 . I have been reading your posts and my heart goes out to you. I was in the same position as you a couple of months ago with a huge amount of debt. I eventually plucked up the courage to tell my hubby and although he was upset he eventually came round. I too spoke to Melanie and she was brilliant at putting my mind at rest and giving me lots of great advice. IVA was not the best route for me but she advised a DMP. I have started my DMP last month and feel like a massive weight has been lifted. Most of my creditors have frozen interest, the company I chose have been very communicative and extremely helpful. It will take me a long long time to repay my debt but I am on the road to a debt free better life. Oh and hubby is helping me every step of the way. Good luck to you I am sure that once your hubby has taken everything in he will come round and support you just like mine has. Reading and speaking to other people on this site has helped me loads. Keep your chin up and keep posting, we are all thinking of you x
