Here I go

[johnz]

Well, here I am, at the beginning of my long and lonely journey towards getting an IVA. There's so much to do and I don't seem to have enough hours in the day. Hohum. I'll get it done I suppose.

I was just wondering if anyone knew of any help groups for complusive spenders. I wrote to Debtors Anonymous, but there's nothing in my area. And I can't get a councellor on the NHS here either. Needless to say I can't afford a private councellor. I need to make sure that this never happens again. My marriage is already on very rocky ground, and while my husband is standing by me at the moment, I need help to make sure I'm "fixed".

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks.

Johnz

[Adam Davies]

Hi
Well if you enter into an IVA you will have no form of credit card and it would pay you to only have a cash card as opposed to a debit card.Make sure that your IVA is paid as soon as you get paid then you don,t run the risk of spending the money.
Why don,t you get involved with this forum and post on a regular basis,it could fill the void that shopping did.
Regards

Andy Davie
IVA.co.uk Spokesperson

About me:
http://www.iva.co.uk/andy_davie_profile.asp

IVA Helpline: 0800 197 4838
http://www.iva.co.uk/iva_helpline.asp

[bagpuss]

Hiya xx Its shame there are not support groups for you, but like Andy said, stick around on here and if you see something you want, post about it on here and we will talk you round..LOL

You know what feels better than just having what you really want...saving for what you really want. I mean it...i get such satisfaction from putting £10 a week away and seeing it grow...then when i come to buy that thing i wanted it seems much more special.

Also a treat once a month is more speical than a treat once a week.

Although we are out of our IVA now we do have a big mortgage to pay and money is still an issue for us, we cant just have what we want and have to stick to a budget to ensure everything runs smoothly. So saving for things is the only way we can have treats.

It also helps to remember whats important and what isnt...you have a lovely husband who is supporting you...friends...? Family...?....Kids...?....Health...?.....these are the things that make us happy and who we are....no fancy shoes in the world can make me feel like my family does.

You'll be fine...baby steps..1 day at a time. xx

Angie xx


My IVA Story......http://bagpuss.blogs.iva.co.uk/2007/09/ ... iva-story/

[johnz]

Thanks

My problem is I have confidence issues and everytime I get a knock backwards I get convinced that no one will like me unless I can get them that expensive present, or pay for that meal. I've gone through some seriously hard times personally, and while some people would turn to drink or drugs, I spend money on other people. Logically, I know it doesn't make sense. But over the past 10 years I've spent more than £50,000 and have absolutely nothing to show for it. There's absolutely no sense in it at all. I was having councelling last year, but at £45 a session, I couldn't afford more than 1 session a month and was getting nowhere fast.

So, in a step forward, I have e-mailed all of my friends and family and told them that there will be no more presents. Not even for Christmas and Birthdays. Obviously I've told them that they are not to buy for me either. I'm going to try and look at this the same way an alcoholic would look at drink. If I don't do it at all, then I won't be tempted to overindulge. For the moment, if we need to do any household shopping, there will be a list of things needed and my husband will be going with me.

Hopefully, if the IVA is approved, in 5 years time I should be well over this stupid and pathetic addiction and be well practiced at controlling myself.

Here's hoping...........

Johnz

[Skippy]

Hi Johnz and welcome to the forum. You are doing really well - you have taken the first steps to sorting out your finances, and by doing that, your addiction.

You are very brave telling family and friends that there will be no more presents, and I hope they have all been supportive to you. I used to buy my friend's little girl a present each Christmas and birthday but when my friend had twins as well I could no longer afford to do it. Unlike you I was a coward and just gave them cards without saying anything, so well done you!

Please keep posting on the forum - most of us have been in a similar situation to you and we all understand and will try and help, or even just listen if you need to have a rant.

Good luck x

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[Maz]

Hi Johnz

I know exactly what you are saying here hence why I am currently doing an IVA and the way I look at this, is like a 'Training course' in how to budget - badly needed for me! I wish you all the best for this IVA. You should get lots of advice from this forum.

Maz

[aguise]

Hi there Johnz
I just wanted to say all the very best to you and good luck. I think I used to do similar at times in the sense of when i felt down i would mooch around the shops and buy things I didnt really need. Now I just dont go shopping I go in the garden and take it out on a plant that needs cutting back, and it works.
I agree with bagpuss I have such pleasure now in not using credit and saving for what we need. It is true a treat once a month is more enjoyed than if you do it every week.
Anyway I just wanted to say hello and keep posting you will get great support on the forum.

Ang


Please visit my blog at http://aguise.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[bagpuss]

Thats a very moving post and i think you have done the right thing re emailing family and friends....the best present you can give someone is your time and if your friends are true they will not expect gifts.

Try internet shopping for food...its good cos you cant brouse so easy....

You sound like a lovely person and your firends should be happy to just know you.

xx



Angie xx


My IVA Story......http://bagpuss.blogs.iva.co.uk/2007/09/ ... iva-story/

[Skippy]

I used to comfort shop as well - looking back my spending started getting out of control when my dad died and I had other problems. I have changed now though - I had to buy a new skirt today as the zip split while I was at work (and no, I haven't put on that much weight!) and whereas a while ago I would have gone to Next I ended up buying one for a tenner in H & M. You do get there eventually, but it's a learning curve.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[johnz]

OK, you made me blub . You're all being so nice to me.

Thank you just doesn't cut it. But in the absense of any better words......Thank you.

Johnz

[BECKY]

I was a comfort shopper too ... if it wasnt for me Id have to buy for someone else . I have GAD and on my good days id shop till i dropped and didnt need or want half the stuff i got. All my family know the trouble im in cash wise now and have all been really supportive and none will let me buy them pressies anymore. My sister even joked that she didnt want to know the full extent of my debt till she'd gone over with her pregnancy in the hope the shock of how much i owed would kick start her labour!!!

[Maz]

I can understand the big shock when you realize how much you have actually spent! I was one of the worst i think! then I did start to feel guilty after a while when i would come back from one of my sprees with all these bags. and also when out for dinner with friends paying for the bill etc. thinking this will make me feel more acceptable socially. I think maybe it's an insecurity complex and people should value you for what you are not what you've got. I've not told anyone about my IVA not even my parents - I fear them more than my creditors. they know i'm stuggling financially but they dont know the extend of my debt. Third world war would break out and I know I will get grief!! I am just hoping I can get through this IVA OK then start again on a clean slate.

[lily]

Hi and welcome

I just wanted to say you are certainly not alone and did you know the predisposition to addiction is born not made??? You are who you are and the only person you need to convince that you are acceptable is you.

As you say, smoking, drinking, gambling and spending, amongst others (ie attention seeking) is addictive, but you can beat it. You are precious and unique and need to appreciate yourself.

There can be many reasons for your spending, mostly its down to confidence and wanting to fit in. Not liking oneself and needing to spend, smoke, gamble to feel better. What spending does is treat the symptoms and not the cause. You are amongst friends here, we have lived beyong our means we have indulged and we now must face our demons. The very first thing to do now is forgive yourself, as the others have said you must stick to a budget and entering into an IVA can help to do this.

Feel proud for taking this first step and work towards the cure, you can treat yourself in small ways, such as a bar of chocolate, (its good serotonin release). When you feel stressed and nervous take a run. Have a goal to aim for, barriers are something that you see when you take your eyes off the goal, stay focussed.

Good luck

lily

[tracy.h]

Hi John
I must admit when im down i would go out and buy things more than ever clothes not that i needed them it just made me feel better even though 9 times out of ten i never wore them and would give them away or they would be thrown in the wardrobe,i think as others say its a comfort.
We all act in different ways to console ourselfs.
Life throws us so many different challenges and everybody copes differently.
You should be very proud of yourself as you have taken a massive step in addressing your own personal problem and as Lily said you are not alone we are all here for a reason and if we can help people just by giving support and shareing our own experiences then all the stress we have gone through is worth it.
Be strong you will get there and any time you feel negative we will be here to support you on your journey.

Tracy

[hallway]

I too was addicted to shopping before i entered into my iva,i still love shopping but now nothing gives me more pleasure then hunting for a bargain when someone needs something,my 15yr old son even said the other day, him and his mates didnt want to buy designer clothes anymore when they could get nicer tops in primark for £6 or £8 each so maybe the teenagers today wont make the same mistakes we did.