Hi I'm back Thought I would update how I am feeling.

[Ox1987]

It will be two weeks taking them tomorrow Have thought they were having an effect and had some really good days but then have a bad day worrying about things

I think its the fact we have a large mortgage and im not that old so long time to pay and can we sustain it on my salary and will I keep my salary at this level especially with the IVA on my record.I will get myself distracted today and forget it.

I also had a not very helpful mate question whether it was better than bankruptcy again and how bad it was that I was doing it. I tried to say that I was being responsible and trying to protect my children. He thought all I was doing was messing up my career... i said alternative 12 yr DMP ???

Also quick question on a F&F IVA how long will you be on the Insolvency Register

[Shining]

Take one day at a time Ox, you do what you want to remedy the money situation and try not to listen to 'mates'. Professionals are very good to talk to and do know what they're on about. Us here can offer support and someone to talk to too when you need it.

[josu]

I didn't tell anyone about my IVA, for that reason. Unless you know what its all about and why its right for you, you're not going to understand so comments like that are expected from 'mates' and will only confuse you. You know exactly why an IVA is better than BR, you have done all that research and asked all those questions already, try not to go round in circles. You know that the debts have to be cleared and that the F&F is your ideal solution as would leave you debt free now without monthly payments. You also know that if this was not possible then a standard IVA is your next best solution. An interest free consolidation loan, think of it that way. You keep your house and your families life remains the same. The IVA stays on your credit file for six years from the start of your IVA so (feel free to correct me if i am wrong anyone) even with a F&F IVA it would be the same amount of time as a standard. What does this matter really though? I mean none of us are really going to apply for credit again are we? Don't focus on that right now you already have your mortgage and all your insurances, phone contract everything else in place, you have checked with work and Cima so the IVA is not going to have any negative effect on you. Your questions are asked your worrying is done!!!! If you do go with the standard 5/6 year IVA you will have to watch your money yes but after getting into debt i think this is a good thing, if we don't have a few years struggle and budgeting what do we learn? You have been struggling to pay loans, cc's e.t.c so one monthly IVA payment should be more affordable to you. Melanie will make sure you have enough to live on thats her job. As i say, the worrying is done its time to get on and clear up your mess, thats the way i looked at it. For whatever reason i had made a mess and i was clearing it up for my children.

[Ox1987]

Thanks Josu

Just worried that I have 20 years of working left in me and have to maintain this salary level as 1 income family feeling a lot of pressure . I think I need to get debt sorted then can move on.
Just feel will life be fun and happy again ... I want the kids the have a childhood at least

[Denise.gn]

Ox, i am currently where you are. Completely stressed out, not sleeping, panic attacks etc. I wake up stressed and go to bed stressed. I know i have to sort my situation out, and I have been getting advice from a family member to try for a secured loan instead. Its easy to get swayed by different advice and an IVA just sounds scary, especially with the thought of the creditors refusing my proposal and then what happens then. I know i am with the best team there is, and all i can do now is put everything in their hands. I dont have kids but i do have an elderly mother and the thought of making her homeless just absolutely terrifes me and is what keeps me awake at night. I like you just want to get on with my life and not feel like this every day and night. Just be strong, and keep going, get the meds in you and start working, that is what i have done. I havent stopped paying my creditors yet, thats the bit that absolutely terrifes me, but i know that will have to happen at some point, so you are way in front of me. I jsut wanted to say that i know exactly how you feel, and its normal. Its scary, but we both know we have to deal with it, and i think secured and consolidation loans are just not going to take the problem away. Like you i cant even entertain the thought of BR. Its just not an option. I am sending you a big hug, and please stay strong, and keep posting if you are feeling down, we are all here in this together, and i dont know what i would have done if i hadnt found this forum. I am not in a great place, neither of you, but we both know we have to do something. xx

[josu]

I think it sounds like you have very high expectations of yourself. Im 30 and my children are 2 and 5. My husband does not earn a big wage and i work part time (nights and weekends to avoid paying childcare) Maybe the IVA will give you time to really think about what you want from life and maybe the first opportunity you get you should look at down sizing your life. By this i mean your house, your car, your holidays and whatever else it is that you spend your money on as you are on a big wage (in my eyes) and there is no reason for you not to be living a good life with your children. They will not remember you for what you spent on them they will remember you for being a happy loving father. People get by happily on a lot less so once you have your debts sorted, if you are still not managing then something is seriously wrong. Life is too short to spend it worrying about money, you are an accountant you can sit down and figure this out i know you can!

[Ox1987]

We will manage and I hope in the future my salary will rise again i have been on higher we have a big mortgage bought from builders when you get offers for first time buyers at 90% and now the value has dropped dramatically I don't want to lose the kids home so have to keep moving forward The wife is planning to work part time also. I don't want to go backwards in my career but finding it harder and will IVA stop my progression

Really freaking today about the what ifs I want this to happen so I can learn from it and look after the kids

[josu]

Although it probably doesn't sound like it from my answers i am very much like you, i worry so much about the what ifs but there does come a point when you have to stop!!! For the sake of your family you just need to make it work, not worry if it will, you know its your only option and the best thing for your family so how about just telling yourself it will work and making sure it does. I wouldn't be worried about work progression right now, you have a good job and a good salary and if you can be debt free and have a happy healthy wife and children arn't you rich enough right there?

[Denise.gn]

Ox, the antidepressants can sometimes make you feel worse before they make you feel better. They can highten any feelings of anxiety and depression for a while and then they start to kick in. I have only been on mine for a week or so and am putting my manic behaviour and mood swings down to that, as I am not usually like this at all. I have been emailing Tina and Melanie like mad with a zillion questions but I know that this isnt helping my situation at all and hope in the next week or so I will begin to calm down and think rationally. You will too, its normal to have the anxiety pangs, and look into the future, that is what I am doing every single day. But at some point, we have to bite the bullet, be brave and just go for it. I see the IVA as a lifeline, otherwise I would either have to go BR, sell the house, or continue as I am and take another weekend job in addition to working over 80 plus hours in the week. Something has got to give. Its fine to have lots of questions, I think Melanie and Tina's inbox must be jammed with emails from me, but its natural to worry and panic - especially about money. What i am trying to do is focus on the right here and now, and then after the creditors meeting when i can start my debt free journey. I am lucky that i have made some good friends on this forum, and have had emails from two of them to my personal email address. It about sharing and supporting to get you to that place where you can move on and become debt free. Melanie and Tina may read thsi and think its from a completely different person to the one who is emailing them, but thats what this stage is all about, dont beat yourself up, you sound like you have a lovely family, and like many others on here, I wish i had had the opportunity to have children, sadly that was not an option for me. So enjoy them, they have a great dad by the sounds of things, you just need to be brave for them. xx

[Ox1987]

It will work I just fear it's rejected and we have to go BR

[Shining]

We all had that fear Ox. In the very unlikely event it was rejected you can go on a DMP in the interim and then propose another IVA later on.

[Ox1987]

That's what I am afraid of a DMP won't work for us as we are proposing a F&F iva from the start, I feel that is our only option other than BR which I will lose my job and house
I am going round in circles again I want to stop

[Shining]

Try not to focus on the negative and focus on the positive of when my F&F IVA is accepted I will...

[Ox1987]

make it work.....I don't think I could take a DMP

Can you ever get to a point in the future when it will be as if it never happened ??? In 10 years or so

Not good tonight clammy and sweaty and feel like I'm burning up

[Shining]

My IVA recently finished after making the full 60 payments...I hope I n ever become complacent and forget about it as I need that reminder never to repeat this episode in my life.