How can I limit my liability

[aguise]

Really pleased to hear from you and that things are heading towards a solution for you both. I wish you all the very best.

Ang

Please visit my blog at http://aguise.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[johnz]

It's good to hear you're getting things sorted, D.J.

This may or may not be of some use to your wife. In some areas of the county there is a councelling service called Debtaholics Anonymous. I'm guessing it's a bit like Alcoholics Anonymous. But there are only a few running, so it would depend on where you live. If you look them up on the internet, you can find out where they are. I wanted to join but there are none near me.

Another option would be private councelling. Having had councelling on the NHS and privately, I would recommend the private councelling. She won't have the waiting lists and they tend to be more focused on the problem. The NHS seems to just want you "fixed" asap, and the sessions seem a little bit more rushed. But this option can be expensive. But if this is one area where you would be prepared to help her out financially it would probably be a good idea. Perhaps draw up an agreement. So long as she holds up her end of the bargain (sorting out her finances without getting into further debt), then you'll pay for her councelling sessions. One thing I found of immense help while I was getting councelling was writing a journal. In it I wrote down everything that had happened to me in my life. I found it very cathartic, and reading over the things that had happened to me helped me get some closure. I allowed my husband to read it and it helped him to understand a lot of what I was going through too. It also gave my councellor an excellent starting point, as she could get an overall picture of what was going on in my head.

If your wife ever wants to chat to someone who's got an idea of what she's going through, just let me know.

Keep us posted, yeah?

Johnz

[shellk]

Hey Johnz as partner of d.j. i would love to get in touch with you. i have had a harsh shock and my god has this scared me... i love my family and things just spiralled as i thought robbing peter to pay paul was the best thing rather than talk to dj, but now i realise that is so wrong. i am so lucky that he has not just walked away and will support me, and i am trying so hard to sort things out but am so scared of the damage i have done to us. having had a baby 6 months ago spending has been easy as at home all day and it filled a void for me. i have had some post natal depression too and my spending certainly increased since this, but am now getting help for that and feel back on track. i have hurt him so much and not sure how i can get back his trust, but know i never want to be in this situation again and am so glad that its all now out there so i can get through it.

shell

[debbiw]

Hi Shell, I hope you are well. I was in the same situation as you, and i had to tell my husband that i had got myself into £36k of debt without him knowing. I think it was the hardest thing i had to do, as seeing the dissapointed look on his face was hard to swallow. He has been great though, he has supported me through my IVA, and it has taught me a massive lesson... He trusted me, and I let him down.. I will never do that again. I wish you and DJ well, and you have a fantastic fella there, like i have, and I'm sure you will both be fine. Have you spoken to any IP's yet?

[johnz]

Hi Shell. Sorry about that. I've only just found your post. Clears up my confusion from yesterday when I got an e-mail from Admin giving me your e-mail address. [:D][:D]

I'll e-mail you over the weekend, so you've got my e-mail.

Like me, it sounds as though you've been spending to blank out a hole in your life. What with PND, and dealing with the new baby, it's no wonder you needed something extra. One way to look at it is that at least you didn't turn to alcohol or drugs. Spending problems can be damaging, but, in my personal opinion, alcohol or drug problems can be much, much worse.

Well, you've got a friend here[:D]. I won't lie to you. Things are going to be tough. And like I said to Debbie, you need to make sure you never do it again. Some of the things I said to your husband about letting you deal with it may have sounded harsh, but believe me, I've learnt the tough way that you learn nothing if they bail you out. I'm on my 3rd and last strike with my husband. And this time I'm on my own dealing with it.

You can get through this. And, eventually, you can get your husbands trust back. But don't expect miracles. It won't happen overnight. But by being here, you know you have people to talk to when the going gets tough, and you can always e-mail me.

Speak to you soon Shell. Like I said, I'll mail you over the weekend.

Johnz

[shellk]

hey johnz,
not heard from you yet hope everything ok. i am doing ok, just working through things at mo and trying to cope with the shame and guilt i feel on a daily basis. it is tough but tgether we are working through this, finally at last there are no secrets.,he knows absolutely everything, and it feels good to know that.had a blip when when someone close to me betrayed my trust and told others of my problem, talk about kick me when i am down, but me and hubs spoke about it and after many tears we worked it out. i think things are going to be ok, am doing some extra work soon to go towards my debts which will help. don't think an iva is the route for me but would love to keep in touch to chat.

shell

[shellk]

Hi Debbie,
thanks for your comment i can totally relate to what you were saying. DJ is my soul mate and i came very close to losing that which i now know is a risk i am never willing to take again, and i am working really hard to get this sorted. as i said to johnz i am not going for an iva route but working out debt solutions is hard but achievable.people talk about how people do it again and again with debt but i can put my hand on heart and say this is the hardest lesson i have ever learnt as it not only affected me but my family and i look forward to being debt free at some point.

shell

[johnz]

Hi Shell

Sorry about that mate. I'm having a bit of a rough time of it at the moment, and keep forgetting to do things. I'll hopefully be online at home over the next few days, so will do my best to remember to send you my e-mail address.

Or perhaps Admin can let you have my address if they read this??[:D]

Am am really sorry I forgot. Meds are turning my brain to mush [:(]

Johnz

[shellk]

hey johnz,
you get yourself sorted and am here whenever you ready!! cheers mate hope things getting better.,xx