how will it affect us if brother is br or in IVA?

[MelanieGiles]

No - they are quite different, but how is he going to fund an IVA if he has no income?

[Soulgrowth]

Hi Doodledaisy,

Just wanted to welcome you to the forum ... this must be a real worry for you. Stay in touch with the Forum and let us know how you get on. It really would be worth your brother speaking to an IP to look at the solutions available to him.

Thinking of you

Debbie

[doodledaisy]

he has an income, he is working. We have spoken to a debt management team now who are happy to help my brother, and they were recommended to us by our mortgage advisor. So i am hoping it will all be sorted now.
Will see my brother tonight to discuss it properly as he was out last night when he spoke to the gentleman from debt management company. What things do i need to collate? Just all his statements and correspondence he has had from each company?

[doodledaisy]

p.s. thank you for the kind message Debbie.
x

[Soulgrowth]

You are welcome Doodledaisy ... there is always a solution and it looks like you are on the way to finding one ... so be sure to keep us posted.

Debbie

[Lisa2009]

Please dont think im being picky because its really not meant that way but, in your posts there is no mention of what your brother actually wants, only what you and your hubby want.
Does he actually want to sort his debts out?

I relly dont mean to sound rude, you are obviously a brilliant sister to him. I just really hope he apreciates everything you are doing for him thats all.

I wish you the best of luck with it all xxx

[doodledaisy]

he does, he has been ignoring his debts and hoping they go away, so he is grateful that I have stepped in to help. He needs that extra encouraging. He is ignoring my Dad, and that is easy to do as my Dad lives abroad, my Dad doesn't know what else to do. My other brother died a few years ago, and I am so scared of losing another brother because I worry he might do something stupid as he feels alone in this. So I am doing all I can to help.

[Viki.W]

Doodledaisy, I think you're a wonderful sister, good for you. I really hope you all get something sorted soon so that you can move on with your lives. X

[Lisa2009]

Then all credit to you, hes extremely lucky to have a sister like you and i hope he can work this out xxxx

[Soulgrowth]

Hi Doodledaisy ... I agree with everyone else, you are a great sister! [:)] One thing struck me, do you think that your brother's debt problems may have any link with some unresolved grief over the loss of your other brother (sorry to hear of this by the way) ... sometimes we spend money in the search for emotional comfort. I wonder whether part of the 'plan of action' might be to encourage your brother to get some counselling. CRUSE do some very good work.

Debbie

[doodledaisy]

i do sometimes think this Debbie. We all find it really hard to talk to one another about what happened. We don't see my mum, as she is a very selfish lady, I find it very hard to talk to my Dad about my deceased brother, as I am worried I will upset him. So maybe my other brother feels this way to. And has used money to try and overcome his grief.

[Lisa2009]

My mum did the same when my dad died. She spent like mad because for that very brief moment it took away her pain.
She ended up with a house full of stuff she really didnt want or need.

[Soulgrowth]

I remember many years ago when I was completing my counselling training shadowing a brilliant man who specialised in family therapy counselling i.e when fqamily relationships and dynamics break down. He would only work with the family if they were all in agreement to attending the sessions ... on the very first session the very first question he would ask is "when did the bereavement occur then?". It is widely known that bereavement will cause a huge shift in existing family dynamics. My own family relationships suffered badly when after my father died 16 years ago and my sister, with whom I had always shared a very close relationship with, turned completely wonky donkey [:(]

We haven't had a relationship for many years now.

Debbie

[doodledaisy]

It is very hard isn't it. I do sometimes find it very hard to be close to my brother now, so i think I look for other ways to help in, which is why I think I want to help him sort this problem out. We very rarely sit down and just talk. It's normally via text messaging that we talk.

[Viki.W]

I'm exactly the same with my brother doodledaisy. I always call him to ask how they all are but I've never had a phone call, not even this week. I had everyone here and all my friends and other family members helping me through it but no brother! When my mum died, he had real guilty thoughts that he had been a bad son, we became close then and I spent a lot of my time reassuring him and getting him through it but then off he popped a few weeks later. You sound like a great sister, he's lucky to have you looking out for him. X