I am of the same opinion, wait until Friday. The creditors are basically wanting their "pound of flesh" when there is only an ounce available. My wife is talking about reverting to the Debt Management route but this could add another £8K to the debt which she can ill afford!
The property is yours, and the creditors have no right to demand that you give up your equity to pay your wife's debts. As an aside, what has your wife actually spent this money on - herself, or to pay for shopping and other family items.
Hi Melanie, basically,an overdraft, a loan to pay an overdraft, some items from catalogues for herself. To be honest we've always got things for ourselves and shopping etc was budgetted for seperately. I was totally unaware of this debt...naive l know, but l trusted my wife and didn't feel the need to search through her letters(which she destroyed )or handbag etc. There were never any special presents bought for me or my daughter and no evidence of extra spending. I did question her about her catalogue purchases to make sure she had not bought things uneccesarily. However she hid things away, things that l have now found which she had purchased, sheets, pillow cases etc not of much value but obviously paid for with credit.
Well sheets and pillow cases are general household items which presumably needed replacing, but I can undertand some of your frustration here in that you and your wife were not sharing finances or decisions about spending.
A relationship with a life partner is supposed to be priceless - I know that my own relationship with my husband most definately is, and we have had some ups and downs as most married couples do over the last 20 years or so.
In the great big scheme of things, your wife does not owe a huge sum of money, but if she has nothing really to show for it, this does indicate a recklessness which needs to be addressed. However, the debt situation can be easily rectified, but whether the lack of trust you clearly now feel for her can be rectified is something only you can work on.
Perhaps you might find it helpful to speak to an IP yourself, and you most certainly should take control of the family finances in future if you are to work through this together. I personally feel sorry for your little girl, and the thought of her growing up without her Mum just because of a few debts is very sad.
All this talk ,about a family splitting up is about finances. It is very sad. Melanie is right to point out --is all the debt spent on your wife's holidays , high life or has she spent some on food , your child's clothes etc. Lots of talk about the assumptions here Would your little girl not need both of you and would it not be better to have her mum and dad together ,even poorer than separate NB What were the qualities that attracted you to mum in the first place?
Thanks for all the advice guys, it's quite cheering to feel you all support us rather than the finance companies. The sad thing about this situation is that l still love my wife and she feels the same. The pressure on our relationship is horrendous, l'm finding it difficult to concentrate properly on my work but have support of work colleagues (selected few). Our daughter is ok about things and is well supported by us both.we have been together almost 20 years and this has come as a real shock.
I am sure that as you both still love each other, that you can overcome this, and possibly be stronger for it.
Hubby and I have been together for almost 22 years and have had our ups and downs - and a lot of it has been to do with money.
The pressure is hard, but you are now looking at sorting it out. I hope everything works out for you and your family.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
Stand together and do this hand in hand. 20 years is such a long time to throw away over money.
My hubby took out an IVA for debts he had mostly before we met. It was later down the line when i realized how much debt there was.
I loved him and still do and i supported him all the way.
The IVA was the best thing for him and i can say in all honesty, neither of us have any regrets and we are stronger now than we have ever been.
Try and work through this, its worth it in the end and its a great rehabilitation process.
I really think that you would benefit from an "off the record" chat with an IP. The depth of your feelings for you wife is lovely to read, she is priceless and you will get through this. Speaking to a professional yourself can only help.
My OH and I have been together 11 years, and we've had our ups and downs over various things. At one point I thought I would never be able to trust him again, but trust can be rebuilt if you love each other.
Good luck with getting this sorted out, and I hope you can work things out together x
In October last year my husband found out about my huge debt which I had accumulated over the years and it was a terrible time. He could not understand, and believe me until you have been in the situation yourself it is very hard to explain. I don’t know if your wife was in the same position but it is unbelievable how debt can accumulate so much so quickly. I borrowed money on credit cards 5 years ago when the tax credits totally messed up. I quickly found out I could not afford the repayments so was borrowing off Peter to pay Paul, as the saying goes. With the interest it accumulated so fast.
My Husband could not get his head round it, as we were not living a life of luxury so he assumed I was gambling (in some ways he wished I was so that he could understand it).
We worked through it and our life and love is so much better now because I am not holding back this big secret anymore and feeling guilty every day and panicking about the letters and tel. calls.
Hi, well the outcome so far has changed. The creditors or 2 of them would not attend the meeting unless equity from the house would be used to pay the debt so Kingsgate called off the meeting and my wife has gone back to the original DMC to pay the debt off over 12 years!
Sorry that your wife won't be able to do the IVA, but at least she is doing her DMP.
Lets hope she has learned from this, and I hope that you can both move on together.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
Sorry to hear this reesh - me and hubby have been through the mill of late we split in Sept he moved into rented. Money was a major factor in our problems. I was in an IVA but it failed so went BR in Oct, this was probably what I should have done years ago, but since then we have both been less stressed. Just before xmas we decided that we could live apart and we still loved each other probably more than ever.
Think long and hard before you split about the root of the problem. We are moving back into together at the end of Feb, we have had to give up our house and are moving in rented but it will be a complete fresh start all round - we will celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary in July but have been together 15 years.
I wish you and your hubby all the best in your fresh start.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
